How do you trust some one when they've been unfaithful

[Cant let go]

My b/f and I have been together for five years. We've known each other 4ever and he knew that I'd been hurt b4 and had trust issues and promised he'd never do me wrong. About two years ago I found out that he had a six month affair with his ex (she e-mailed me when he broke it off) but we decided to stick it out. I want things back the way they used to be but how am I suppose to trust him. If anyone has any advice please pass it on.

[someguy69]

This was two years ago and its still plaguing the relationship?

Have you tried some sort of counseling?

 

First of all you should realize that you are not alone. The infidelity rate is well over 50%... which means for the majority of people, either your partner has had an affair and you know about it, or your partner has had an affair and you don't know about it.

 

Most people prefer not to know about it... you do know about it, so consider yourself lucky in that you should be able to help your boyfriend stay clean... and letting him know that he can be honest with you if he feels tempted without being chastised.

 

Unfortunately for most, ignorance is bliss.

[hockeyboy]

maybe you shouldnt

[tiger_lilies]

I'm not one to believe that the relationship can go back to the way is was before the infidelity occurred. If anything, I would expect that the relationship will change dramatically after the awful fact.

 

Basically the way I see it is, if you and your bf are that commited to each other, that you both are willing to work through the mess to come out on top, then you, being the one cheated on, will have to live with his mistake for the rest of your relationship.

 

The cheating incident has set the standard for the rest of your relationship. You've been living with this for so long already, can you see yourself living like this for the rest of your life if you guys get married?

 

When my ex cheated on me, I wanted so badly to forgive him and move on with happiness, but the reality that hit me was that he has essentially 'ruined' us. I was not willing to live the rest of my days with someone who I no longer trusted in any way, shape or form.

 

Building that trust for me wasn't worth it. I knew I could find better out there.

[Cecelius]

I agree. Honestly, I would have cut the guy loose.

[mike61]

This will always be on your mind, IF you really love him you will have to research some items that will help you cope with this. I had the same thing happen to me with my wife and i let that bother me for years wear i didn't want to get to close because of this happening again. And that made things a real problem down the road. the best thing you can do if you love him is to take care of the issues you have with this now... don't let this carry on because that will make your relationship worse. It can work if you handle the issues with trust now.. It will not be easy... Best of luck..