chloem Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 Ok, so first of all I apologise because this is going to be quite long. I was was with my ex boyfriend for about 2 years up until around June 2016, I met another guy in work in July 2015, I never expected to like anyone else but we got talking and the more we got to know each other the more I began liking him, he asked me on a date but I said it was complicated as I was still seeing someone (my ex was a horrible emotionally abusive person who I should have never been with for so long in the first please - which I know doesn't excuse me from speaking to someone else) but we continued talking anyway. My ex used to go out every weekend so never really seen him, I ended up sleeping with the new guy. It wasn't just a fling we really liked each other and seen each other a few times while I was still in a relationship and I really did want to be with him but felt I couldn't end things with my ex because he made me feel that he needed me and I couldn't leave or he would have no one. The new guy was still speaking to other people and slept with a few when I was still with my ex but of course I could not be angry as the whole reason we weren't together was because of me so what else did i expect? I finally split with my ex in June last year and still seen the new guy occasionally but we didn't make anything official. Around september we started seeing each other regularly (around twice a week) I would go and stay with him and we would go out and do things. Throughout our whole time speaking he said he loved me and would love to be with me and he has never been anything but nice to me and thats what I love most is that he is just a genuinely nice person and I put him through a lot of and really hurt him which I will always regret.. Anyway, we have been seeing each other since about September last year and up until around December my ex was threatening him (because he knew thats who I had cheated with) but that soon stopped as I think he realised how silly he looked. Around November on a date I had asked him why we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet and he just said it was because of all the trouble with my ex, we should wait until it all settles down which I accepted as I knew it would cause trouble if people knew we were officially together. As the months went on, I just assumed he would ask me to be his girlfriend and many opportunities arose (Valentines day, my birthday etc) but nothing.. I have asked a few times and he just replied "Im happy with the way things are just now but I will ask you when I feel its right", this started to get a bit annoying as 6 months of seeing someone and being as close and happy as we were is a long time. We built up trust, I always told him when guys would message me and he would do the same, as i felt it was only right considering I cheated on someone to be with him. We get along amazingly and always have a fun time but he stopped being as intimate and didn't really try to have sex with me, kiss me etc, and then started saying I was too clingy when we were together always wanting cuddles, I think thats because I could see he was being a bit distant it made me want more. Then around mid feb he said to me the reason he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend was because his feelings had changed and he wasn't sure if that was what he wanted in the long run so he had to have a think about it, I said fine I can give you the time to think, we still saw each other like normal and spoke like normal but the sex wasn't really the same or as frequent. Then last weekend, he left his phone unlocked and for the first tie I just looked at it and seen a text to one of his girl friends, I looked and basically seen a few messages about me saying "I'm just not sure I feel the same, I've lost my sex drive, I'm not sure I'm still attracted to her in that way" when i confronted him I was upset because he was speaking to someone else about our relationship instead of me, I had wanted to speak about it lots of times and he kind of just brushed it off and never said much about it. He then said he thinks we should take a break as it has went on for a while and he needs to make a decision as it wasn't fair on me to keep seeing me and leading me on if he doesn't want a relationship out the back of it. We had a good chat and spoke about a lot and how we are so good together etc. He said we shouldn't see each other for a few weeks but we could still talk, but I said if we are going to have a proper break we should talk as you can't miss someone if you are still speaking like normal. We agreed we would not speak to or see anyone else during this break as it was just really an opportunity for him to think about what he wants. I left and went home and he text saying "I wish you hadn't left", I didn't go back. As we agreed not to speak I tried my hardest. The next day I did phone him upset because I just didn't know what had happened, this is the person I thought i would marry and now were "on a break" because he doesn't know if he wants to be together. We have spoke maybe once each day, just about good things, he told me he got a job interview, his friend passed years ago so i said thinking of you etc but I have told myself Im not going to speak to him at all until he has decided. What I want is just a bit of advice, how can someone be so besotted by me when I was with someone else, has always said he would have been with me in a heartbeat, but now that I am his he is having doubts?? Can a person go from not being sexually attracted to someone back to wanting them again?? Am I being silly waiting around for something that isn't going to happy?? Thing is, I seen a quote that said "Its all about the first person you want to tell good news to" and thats kind of what he has been doing.. He says he has changed his mind a few times during the week that we have been on this break so far but I don't know what to do anymore. I am absolutely heartbroken as I genuinely thought that was me set for life with this guy, and he used to think the same. So what has changed? I'm not going to force someone to be with me but how can we go back to normal after this? Someone please help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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