No contact didn't work, in any way

[vitacoco]

It has almost been a year since my ex broke up with me. I haven't spoken to him in almost as long. But, not only has he not reached out to me, but I am still not over the breakup. I still am obsessed with it and while I don't cry every day like I used to, it haunts me. I still can't imagine being with anyone else even though I have tried dating others.

 

What can I do?

 

I've even contemplated reaching out just for SOMETHING.

[Lostinlove31]

Then you did not apply it correctly. What have you done to improve yourself? What have you done to find happiness in yourself?

[Matt3939]

I've even contemplated reaching out just for SOMETHING

 

What does that mean?

[greta96]

Well that's the problem here, you are obsessed with him! Meaning, you are still thinking about him, instead of making a conscious effort to push him out of your mind. Every time he pops into your mind, force yourself to think of something else. With time, it gets easier.

 

Whatever you do, do not contact him! Chances are that "something" will bring you right back to square one, and make things even harder for you. He probably moved on a long time ago anyway. Don't do this to yourself! Some people are just harder to get over, but not impossible.

[Betterwithout]

The act of NC doesn't just mean not calling him, it means move on with your life.

Find your passions and redirect your thoughts and energy to a new goal.

Working out is most peoples favorite because it's a win-win-win.

1) You get fit and feel healthier. This increases your self-esteem,

2) Your fitness helps appearance making you more attractive to the opposite sex

3) it boosts endorphins and you burn off negative energy

 

If you don't like working out, check out your other passions. Maybe learn an instrument, dance classes, cooking, travel, etc.

[vitacoco]

Then you did not apply it correctly. What have you done to improve yourself? What have you done to find happiness in yourself?

 

I try to be as social as possible, I kept working out, I started a creative project I've always wanted to do. I started taking anti-depressants. But it's generally been a year of misery.

[gemsc1990]

It's really hard to move on from a heartbreak and I'm sorry you're still hurting.

 

I find it helps when you think of things in a different light. When we break up we tend to hold our ex on a pedestal and only remember the good things. What about the bad things? Next time you want to reach out to him remember a particularly bad argument or a time when he hurt your feelings or acted inappropriately toward you or your friends or family. If he hasn't bothered contacting you, he doesn't deserve any of your effort.

 

And you'll find someone you click with eventually I know so many people who thought they wouldn't meet someone as great as their ex and it always turns out better in the end. Head up

[vitacoco]

I've even contemplated reaching out just for SOMETHING

 

What does that mean?

 

Some kind of closure. Either something to turn me off forever, or (my dream) of a reconciliation. Because just letting it go without word hasn't worked.

[vitacoco]

Well that's the problem here, you are obsessed with him! Meaning, you are still thinking about him, instead of making a conscious effort to push him out of your mind. Every time he pops into your mind, force yourself to think of something else. With time, it gets easier.

 

Whatever you do, do not contact him! Chances are that "something" will bring you right back to square one, and make things even harder for you. He probably moved on a long time ago anyway. Don't do this to yourself! Some people are just harder to get over, but not impossible.

 

I've never been able to just stop obsessive thoughts, it's why I have depression/anxiety. I'm probably too scared to ever contact him.

[vitacoco]

The act of NC doesn't just mean not calling him, it means move on with your life.

Find your passions and redirect your thoughts and energy to a new goal.

Working out is most peoples favorite because it's a win-win-win.

1) You get fit and feel healthier. This increases your self-esteem,

2) Your fitness helps appearance making you more attractive to the opposite sex

3) it boosts endorphins and you burn off negative energy

 

If you don't like working out, check out your other passions. Maybe learn an instrument, dance classes, cooking, travel, etc.

 

I have kept working out for the most part, started a creative project I always wanted to do, and traveled. I just don't see an end to this.

[vitacoco]

It's really hard to move on from a heartbreak and I'm sorry you're still hurting.

 

I find it helps when you think of things in a different light. When we break up we tend to hold our ex on a pedestal and only remember the good things. What about the bad things? Next time you want to reach out to him remember a particularly bad argument or a time when he hurt your feelings or acted inappropriately toward you or your friends or family. If he hasn't bothered contacting you, he doesn't deserve any of your effort.

 

And you'll find someone you click with eventually I know so many people who thought they wouldn't meet someone as great as their ex and it always turns out better in the end. Head up

 

I think you nailed it, I do tend to idealize him, even though I know our relationship had problems. I think in the past, I was in a good relationship with a guy that adored me but I ruined it by creating problems all the time. By the time I reached this one I started bottling up and pushing aside any problems. Now I find I can hardly remember them. But I know I need to keep thinking about them. At first it hurts more because it feels bad to think he never cared. But I think I need to push through that.

[boltnrun]

He can't "give" you closure. Only you can.

 

If nothing you've been doing is working, it's time to try something different.

 

What else have you always wanted to do?

[seanryder]

No Contact DID work....it's just that you didn't like the answer.. If he hasn't contacted you, then that should tell you how he feels about you. You deserve someone who is crazy about you. Don't settle for someone who is anything less.

Question Do you want someone who loves you and wants to be with you?

 

If the answer is yes, then this is not the guy for you. Learn to judge more from what people do than what they say.

 

Best of luck.

[Wiseman2]

Agree no contact is not a magic bullet. It takes a concerted effort overall to heal and move forward. Whatever it takes. Therapy. Dating again. New friends, activities, interests. Going back to night school. Working out, reinventing yourself.

[Rollergirl13]

I've been dumped 5 times in the last year and I got over each one in about a month. My method and some will not agree, I let that person know how I felt, good/bad, got it all off my chest...cried a lot during the first week. I let myself feel the pain. Talked about how I was feeling to anyone that would listen. After a month I started deleting one or two pictures a day until they were gone...string of texts was the last thing to be deleted and it took a lot for me to do it. I kept myself busy and started dating again. I realize now I should have taken a little more time to be alone. Work on you (exercise, hobbies, go out with friends/family) and start dating again. Doesn't need to be serious but at least start meeting people.

[vitacoco]

No Contact DID work....it's just that you didn't like the answer.. If he hasn't contacted you, then that should tell you how he feels about you. You deserve someone who is crazy about you. Don't settle for someone who is anything less.

Question Do you want someone who loves you and wants to be with you?

 

If the answer is yes, then this is not the guy for you. Learn to judge more from what people do than what they say.

 

Best of luck.

 

Does it mean he doesn't care? I was his first girlfriend ever...

[vitacoco]

I've been dumped 5 times in the last year and I got over each one in about a month. My method and some will not agree, I let that person know how I felt, good/bad, got it all off my chest...cried a lot during the first week. I let myself feel the pain. Talked about how I was feeling to anyone that would listen. After a month I started deleting one or two pictures a day until they were gone...string of texts was the last thing to be deleted and it took a lot for me to do it. I kept myself busy and started dating again. I realize now I should have taken a little more time to be alone. Work on you (exercise, hobbies, go out with friends/family) and start dating again. Doesn't need to be serious but at least start meeting people.

 

I think it's VERY important to say everything you want to say right away. I held my tongue a lot because I honestly believed he would come back until about 6 months later. So a lot of that time I was just waiting, not saying anything. That's why I feel like I don't have closure.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately not anymore. This is why moving on is in your best interest. "Closure" is when you break up.

Does it mean he doesn't care?