Can't seem to get over it

[Why9]

So the other day I posted about my girlfriend of four years leaving me for another guy which she happened to be seeing while we were still together. So not only was hurt that she left me but then to find out she had been cheating for who knows how long. I know I should want nothing to do with her after how she treated me but I can't help it I miss her so much and I would be lying if I said I still didn't love her. I mean she wasn't just my girlfriend she was my best friend my world revolved around her so it's been pretty devastating having her toss me aside like those four years meant nothing especially since she left me for another guy. I feel so lonely hurt, angry still in love I have so many emotions all at the same time and it's making me sick to my stomach to think of another guy holding her the way I did or kissing her or the fact he's in the bed we shared he's in the home we built together it's all driving me insane and I don't know what to do anymore and the sad part is yes I love her who ever is reading this will probably be thinking I'm stupid to still be loving a woman that can do this to me were both in our mid thirties so she knew what she was doing please if anyone has any suggestions on how to move on and not be swallowed by this pain I'm open to suggestions.

[tuhuge]

I'm going through my own grieving process, although, no where near as significant as you. I can tell you the biggest thing that's helped me is starting to let go and keep every moment of my schedule busy, so I would stop obsessing about my ex. I start dance classes, bike riding, joining meet-up groups, and just getting out there. You are allowed to grieve and feel the pain, but after awhile, you will peek your head up and start to just fill your time and mind on other things. I'm still working on it but am definitely on the right track. Oh, and unfollow her on Facebook (your choice to unfriend or not). Don't be tempted to see what she is up to, it's unhealthy and you've got better things to do.

[Why9]

Thank you tuhuge I have I've taken her off all my social media and I've even deactivated all my accounts. It just hurts and makes me question were the last four years nothing did I ever mean anything to her I just do t know anymore.

[SooSad33]

Not sure when this all fell apart? But is is totally normal to be hurting this way.. after a 'loss'.

And this is exactly what it is....

 

Loss is BIG.. and can take much time. To lose someone you had yourself emotionally involved with-- then to have them rip it all out from under you.. totally painful!

 

Been there.. and yes, it took me almost a year to start feeling an improvement and the fog lifting.

 

Sorry for your pains.. but as mentioned.. less to do with anything to do with her, the better for your own mental health.

Try to keep busy.. walk.. exercise, get your rest... need to take care of YOU now.

I've numerous times have a booklet near me.. cause when my mind is so racey , I feel I need to let it out, so I write it all out.

My feelings.. things I'd like to say to him... etc etc.. and there it is.. out. And I do this several times a week.

Getting lost in my music helps a bit too sometimes.... and of course, tears.

-- You are cleansing--.

 

it's like weaning off a drug... withdrawls.

 

Sometimes.. we end up in therapy for some prof help- and nothing wrong with that.

 

One day at a time.... things will improve, in time.

 

Tc

[mrmet6986]

4 years seems to be the magic number. I went through virtually the same thing as you and everyone told me it was a rebound, well that rebound has lasted almost 6 years into marriage and a child while I struggle to just to go on a date with anyone. Much love my friend, I hope you find your way out of this much easier and rewarding than I have.

[DearJohn]

Dear Friend,

 

Love is as great as it is painful. It's important to remember that relationships only work when both parties are equally invested in it's success. If your ex-girlfriend is no longer equally invested then the logical response to your pain is to quite simply tell yourself that you are just as human as the rest of us, and that you deserve happiness too. Hate, regret, wondering, and torturing yourself will only bring you more pain and it is a completely self-destructive process that I personally have gone through, and it was soooooooooo not worth it. It's easy to tell you to move on, but I know that's practically impossible for you right now, as it is for many of us. But, it is still what you need to do. There is nothing unnatural about feeling like the last four years were a waste, but, the trick is to turn that thinking on it's head and use it as a tool moving forward. You will absolutely get over this, and you absolutely will move on, it just takes time. When I had my own huge heartbreak, I ultimately realized that getting hurt so deeply was an opportunity to find out about the things that really mattered in my life, and especially the things that really mattered to me with regards to a potential next significant other. For example, after my big breakup I sat down and realized that I hated all the passive-aggressive back and forth we had. So now, when I see that behavior in current relationships, I know it's a red flag and take the appropriate steps to either fix it, or simply move on. In a nutshell, breakups that hurt us deeply are above all other things, learning experiences. Take a step back, look at the big picture, and try to learn from what this heartbreak has taught you about what you want, and what you don't want moving forward.

[LondonMan33]

You think you are suffering alone. this is how it seems ..but there,s a lot of us all going through it.