Living with the regret after losing her

[EndlessNemesis]

I had a short term relationship (3 months) with a girl I was really into. I loved her and wanted to be with her all the time, I travelled to see her twice a week and made an effort to meet her friends and family too.

 

I don't have a great deal of experience in relationships (one relationship of four years which ended six years ago). I suppose I didn't really know what I was doing, I was eager to please her and because she seemed happy for the first couple of months I assumed I was doing everything right.

 

But for the last month of the relationship it seemed obvious that she wasn't happy anymore, I couldn't figure out what was going wrong. She told me that it was nothing I had done wrong but I knew it must have been... Eventually the relationship ended because she had no interest in spending time with me anymore (was too busy, made excuses then spent time with her friends instead). I was devastated as I never really got an explanation of what I had done wrong, just that she "wasn't feeling it" anymore.

 

After 6 weeks of turning it over and over in my mind, I have come to recognise all of the things I must have done wrong... maybe I was a bit clingy, not as much "fun" as her other friends, not experienced enough or adventurous in bed? She never communicated to me that any of these things were a problem, she only told me that I hadn't done anything wrong.

 

I think I became complacent because she seemed so happy to begin with, so I was oblivious to my failings... If I had recognised these things at the time I could have done something about it, but now it's too late - she is gone and I only have myself to blame.

 

I know all I can do is to learn from my mistakes and be more aware next time but I still feel sad and regretful every day knowing that I blew it with this girl. If I had known what I was doing wrong then I could have fixed it. It's hard losing someone you love and realising in hindsight that you *could* have done something to keep them.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. You did nothing wrong. After 3 mos of dating the infatuation wears off and her statement about "wasn't feeling it" may be truthful, or she met someone or went back to an ex or or or...in other words, it's not totally in your control when things end.

 

The only thing to keep in mind next time is over-saturation and too much too soon. That can make people simply get sick of each other. That's not pleasing, that's smothering. So next time don't over-text or do this "wanted to be with her all the time"

 

For now just write it off as fizzled out and move forward.

I had a short term relationship 3 months. Eventually the relationship ended because she had no interest in spending time with me anymore

[holistic17]

I'm sorry to hear this has happened. All you can do about this, is accept her reason that she wasn't feeling it anymore. It might have had nothing to do with you in particular. I dated a guy for a couple of months a few years ago and thought we had a great time together, but he just turned to me and said he didn't feel any chemistry. You can't control how someone else feels and if they change how they feel. The first few months is only the very beginning. I think next time you need to take it slow and not meet friends and family until later down the line. You only end up feeling a bit silly and embarrassed as it didn't come to anything. If you feel you were clingy, then learn from this experience and do it slightly different next time. We always tend to blame and question ourselves after a breakup. It's part of the grieving process. Don't let these emotions get the best of you. This isn't the end of the world. Learn and grow from it.

[mark89]

I think I've been in the same boat as you. Dated for 2 months before everything went south. I still blame myself till this day. I invested all my feelings but didn't use too much of my brain, ended up smothering her and became needy and clingy. It's been 7 days since NC, and sometimes I still break down. But I think it's important to not have any hopes of her coming back, as harsh as it may seem, because that's the only way we can move on