Staying friends after break up

[Anne96]

Me and boyfriend of one and a half year broke up and decided to be friends. I am not 100% sure if I can do it because I fear that once he start seeing someone, it's going to hurt me. Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

[WombatShadow]

My ex and I decided to be friends immediately after breaking up, and within a week I had called him on the phone begging for him to come back because I loved him too much. Annnd now I'm in no contact, Day 8 so far.

 

I really suggest that you take some time to heal from the relationship before you try to be friends. It can work, yes, but it's going to be hard on both of you to transition directly from "in love" to "friendses!".

[Lostinlove31]

Never be friends after breakup until you are sure... 1. That is what you want, 2. You can handle it.

 

Being friends after a breakup is possible if mutually agreee upon, but if you agreed to do it out of fear of losing that person than you may make a situation worst. I agreed with my ex gf but i don't communicate to her at all. She wanted it so i gave her that and thr gift of missing me and all i did.

 

Go no contact for your benefit and work on yourself. See how you feel about being friends with them afterwards and how they are dating someone else. You ok and feel indifference about that then you're ok to be their friend.

[boltnrun]

Didn't he actually suggest friends with benefits?

[Anne96]

We both mutually agreed that we don't want to loose each other even though we're just friends because we've been through so much and know so much about each other.

[greta96]

In your other thread you said he proposed a friends-with-benefits arrangement, not just friends.

As you were told, FWB will only benefit him, not you. You will end up even more heartbroken, and feeling used on top of that.

As for just platonic friends (although that is not what he has in mind), that could work if a lot of time has passed and you no longer have any romantic feelings towards him. Right now no, it won't work, it's way too soon. And even if lots of time passes, once you see him and hang out with him you may have the unpleasant surprise to realize your old feelings are being brought back, and the whole deal is painful.

 

So bottom line is that you're better off staying away from him. He chose to end your relationship, don't help him with the process of moving on from you.

[MissCanuck]

Exes usually cannot be friends immediately after a break-up. It's too painful for the dumpee.

 

Especially in your case, in which your ex appears to have suggested a FWB-arrangement with you.

 

You need real time and space away from so you can heal. Then, maybe one day, you could be friendly. But now isn't the time.

[Waraqqa]

I agree. I'm friends with most of my exes, and I'm happy about that. However, it is not done immediately after the break up, usually I did the wise thing and let myself detach first and calm down for a period of time. Feelings have to settle first, and that needs distance and some time.

 

In my last case, however, I didn't take any time, and that made it really hard and messy. It feels much better now, but I tortured myself (actually, both of us) for several months. In retrospect, I should've stepped away from the whole situation pretty much right after his departure; and then re-contacted him few months later once feelings settle down. I'm saying few months, because it would've probably been the right amount of time in my case (our thing was for a few months, so...). If you were together for over a year, it may be longer - depends on the case.

 

But people here are absolutely right, don't try to be friends now. It would mess things up, and then even friendship might get damaged or threatened. Needless pain is guaranteed. Give it time - if he is such a great friend and the friendship is meant to be, then he'll be there some day in the future when you are ready. Those who are meant to be in our lives in whatever capacity, will be there. No need to rush or force anything.

And you do kind of sound vulnerable, especially with that FWB thing. Be careful and place your worth and well-being first.

[lostandhurt]

No it is not a good idea to be friends with this ex.

 

There is no up side for you in being his friend so why do it? Because you know things about each other? That is not a good reason. Because you don't want to loose each other? Neither of you will be lost if you are not friends. You were fine before you met him and you will be fine after he is out of your life.

 

Give yourself a gift of truly healing.

 

Don't be the friend of an ex for the Break Glass in Case of Loneliness, horny, bored or heartbroken.

 

Lost

[missocean]

Ask yourself: "Am I ready to help him land his next girlfriend?" If you are, you are ready to be his friend. That is what friends do for each other--help each other get what they want. If the thought of it makes you ill, then you need to stay away from him. Being "friends" with him will only benefit him and keep you from healing. He broke up with you, he deserves to feel the full impact of you not being there for him in any way, shape or form. Take care of yourself. You are under no obligation to help him wean himself off you.