mcnn4 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago. We broke up because he stopped putting in effort. I got mad at him for not making me feel like a priority anymore and then he broke up with me saying that his feelings have changed and he doesn't see me in his future anymore. A week after our break up, I asked to get back together and he said not right now, maybe in the future. We spoke again 2 weeks post-break up and it was civil. He ended up spending the night at my place but we did not have sex. He told me he missed me and acted like we were still a couple. I texted him the next day and he took a long time to reply to me claiming he was 'busy' even though he wanted to hang out again. I took that as a strong sign that the night we had was the last time we will ever spend time together like a couple again. I knew I had to go NC because I just can't take any more pain and confusion. I went NC (no texting and no face to face contact) for 3 weeks and today I ran into him because we both go to the same university. I've made a lot of progress since the last time I've seen him and no longer feel like I need him. I've done a lot of great things without him and was starting to really recover from the break up and see the flaws in our relationship. However, when I saw ran into him today. I feel like I got a rush of emotions. He waved at me and smiled and I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He didn't come over to talk to me even though I was standing maybe 20 feet away from him while he was saying hi to his friend. He didn't come over to talk to me. He just waved and smiled at me politely. I thought I was okay but after I saw him after NC for 3 weeks, I wanted to break down. I actually had to cry 15 minutes afterwards. Seeing him made me feel all the pain that I felt this past month when I tried so hard to make progress and move on. Now I feel like I miss him again and want to talk to him. I probably shouldn't but I am actually contemplating breaking NC. A part of me knows that if he wanted to talk to me, he would have came over to talk to me when I was 20 feet away and he could have texted me at any time or even texted me happy birthday because it was my birthday last week (and he didn't say HBD or anything). I just can't believe he can just say hi and smile like nothing but I broke down because I simply saw his face. And now, I'm confused again and feel like I regressed because I miss him even more than I did before running into him. What do I do...? I shouldn't contact him, right? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Sorry this happened. You did all the right things going no contact, rebuilding your single life and freedom. It always stings to see an ex. Link to comment
luisannalui Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 N O N O NO and for the last time NO! Do not contact him at all. I understand your feeling but this is just part of the healing process. You still not over him yet, but you need to keep doing it. What did you gain from asking to get back together? Nothing! I ran into my ex the other day like a month ago. She noticed how I lose weight etc and we talked. She initiated conv but I asked her to come back and all she did was to walk away from me again. Yesterday she drunk dialed I didnt pick up neither asked her why she called. She told a mutual friend how she feel embarrassed and that Im taking pride because Ive been losing weight. The point is that she has no control over me anymore, Im in control now! And so can you be. The best gift you can give to an ex is the gift of missing you. He ended the relationship, not you. Let him discover his feelings for you. Please dont come as needy. Even though he does contact you think twice before responding. Don't do the same mistake I did. Although we all do it and is fine. Sometime they do this just to see if they still have control over you. Link to comment
rtyu4567 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 If it were me I wouldn't. It may make you feel worse and stifle ur progress. My suggestion keep doing what ur doing, moving forward. If he wants to talk to you he will contact you. In the meantime i ahain suggest you continue to focus on yourself. Its ok that you broke down for 15min, you're human and you have emotions. Take it one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. Stay amazing whether he contacts you or not Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 :semi-twins: It sux to the max, but you have to be strong and just keep on keeping on. It's so cliche to say "It gets better with time" and it's such an eye roll to hear that, but it is so true. It takes time. The only thing you can do is to just take each day and soldier on. If you contact him or keep contacting him, it just prolongs everything. Do anything else, apart from making that call. Also, in regards to your birthday, it's not like he didn't care, he probably felt awkward about acknowledging it. But don't call him! Link to comment
mcnn4 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 Sometimes I struggle with why I even do NC. In the back of my mind, i sometimes wish he would contact me soon and tell me that he regrets breaking up with me... but under the reasons why he broke up with me in the first place, I feel like it's not likely if he's not even in love with me anymore. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Noooooooooo! You have done so well! What do you think would be different? Hell, he had a chance to improve things the last time you were together, yet once again, he showed you,you are not a priority. Be done with this! Link to comment
rich46 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 This is just a hurdle to get over on the way to healing. One step back, two steps forward....kind of thing. It will sting for a while of course, but it is part of the process, and the next time you see him will likely be slightly less painful. You may still cry again afterwards, but you will emerge gradually stronger each time. Definitely not an easy process to go through, but go through it you must. And obviously, don't contact him! Unless of course, you want the healing process to take a lot longer than it needs to be? Link to comment
luisannalui Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Noooooooooo! You have done so well! What do you think would be different? Hell, he had a chance to improve things the last time you were together, yet once again, he showed you,you are not a priority. Be done with this! Why you do NC? So you rather want to beg him so that he ignores u and bring u down over and over? You do NC to heal to focus on you to move on! Link to comment
mcnn4 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 Noooooooooo! You have done so well! What do you think would be different? Hell, he had a chance to improve things the last time you were together, yet once again, he showed you,you are not a priority. Be done with this! You are so right! When I read this, I realized that yes, he already showed me that I'm no longer a priority to him. Link to comment
mcnn4 Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 Sometimes I wonder how long do I have to do NC for until I don't think about him. It's almost been a month and I still have to think about him everyday. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 It will take a while. I suggest you block - then you will not be looking for a call- and also keep yourself super busy. Link to comment
luisannalui Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 For me it been three month after break up and let me tell you it does get better. 14 Days no contact. She drunk dialed two days ago and I didn't reply neither called her. Before? I would use this as an excuse to talk to her and of course an opportunity for her to bring me down. But now, Im in power! With time, you start learning to live without them. You do not see contact as a way to get back with them but to heal. You want so much to heal that you know them contacting you will put in danger. So you decide to stay away from them and put pride in what you have earned so far. Link to comment
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