SoMuchLove Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Hi, I recently went through a break up with my ex of 4 years. We ended due to work getting in the way (long-distance) though a simple solution neither of us thought of (we are not great forward thinkers) was to see each other on Sundays if I worked Saturdays. Anyway, it's been 3 months and she had gotten into a rebound relationship shortly after (ongoing) We talked everything out, she insisted on arguing, attacking, blaming while I preferred to discuss and communicate stating that she did support me when I said I had to push the trips back (which I see wasn't what she really wanted) She's been emotionally abusive for lack of a better phrase. However, this was beneficial to my growth as I am a later bloomer (she just turned 21 I am 31) I never had anyone rub guys in my face, try to make me jealous, take phone calls around me, basically flat out disrespect me like she did. I had took vacation time to see her (8 hours just for Friday) for 3 days and she basically was one her phone the ENTIRE time (not exaggerating) and I told her it was rude but she persisted, calling other people, saying she was wearing the new guy's tank top and sweatpants,threw tantrums like a child, didn't want me to touch her, withheld sex (we did it once so apparently she's a cheater now) wouldn't let me kiss her, and didn't want to talk every-time I asked what was wrong. It was a total waste of time. People I texted said I should bail, but I saw it was a chance to grow so I weathered the storm. Even through it all, I paid for her meals instead of letting her starve lol. Gah, coming out on the other end I sound like such a chump as I type this lol. Anyway, I did leave her in the hotel room by herself to spend time swimming with some friends that also came down the following day. If felt good because I knew she was testing if I would really leave or not and when I did she seemed pissed lol (she changed her mind about coming and stayed in the room and didn't think I'd leave her alone) She was more compliment to cuddle me when I got back to the room then the "don't touch me's" starting up again. She was also very rude at dinner and in-front of my friends. I feel she isn't over the break up. She lead me to believe we'd have fun and all was well, but it seems she tricked me just to try to torture me (which now that totally messed up any shot of getting back together soon) She's a tad held back so she behaves like a teenager since she was a bit sheltered. I realized she was emotionally immature at those moments because in the relationship, she NEVER showed me this side of her (I'm a sweet and understanding guy so I knew this day would come and would maybe be our downfall) I know she has some growing to do so I feel I should step back, give her time to grow, go NC so she can deal with the break up properly and let go of the negative emotions. This Just turned into senseless childish drama. I had told her I could see her that December for 4 days around Xmas but she said no, initiated the break up and is now trying to blame and screw with still for choices SHE made lol. She absolutely can't communicate like an adult and that has been the core problem (along with me explaining this style/urging her to) I know I'm all over lol. As mature man, mature communicator, patient, forgiving, understanding, and now recently seeing boundaries I've set to not tolerate that behavior, how should I handle this? I know, "leave her alone and let her grow up/get another girl" is one I've heard and is obvious with the sheer disrespect, but she's damaged us getting back together since she has shown me the flaws she needs to fix. I'm just trying to maintain a friendship and be a bit by her side until she grows to see if we might try again in the far future. She hasn't had much a life outside of me so I get she needs to explore (something I pushed her to do in the relationship because our relationship was her life lol) To think we were about to move in and get married! Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.