I need some opinions/thoughts PLEASE?

[smartin]

Okay so here's the backstory...there's this guy I've known since elementary school, we always liked each other all the way until high school, where we both just fell out of contact. (we're both 21 now) then he added me on fb when we started college and we started contacting each other again. We both started to like each other again, we talked for about a year until one day he told me "I really like you but right now I just have a lot of problems in my life I wouldn't be able to handle relationship" so I decided to move on and stop wasting my time. As soon as he realized what I was trying to do he reached out to me and said he didn't want to lose me because he had a lot of feelings for me so he got into a relationship with me. He has never had a gf before because he was always so SHY (also our families are friends, I know his sisters and his cousins, etc) and his cousins would always tell me he must really like me because he talked about me all the time. Anyways our relationship was great for the most part he was always so respectful and sweet and always told me how much I meant to him and he never wanted to lose me and he wanted to be with me because I was the girl of his dreams. There were a couple of times where he would get distant randomly and when I reached out to him he would always apologize and tell me he was just dealing with family problems and didn't want to worry me or get me involved. Then he would return to being his usual self.

 

well just exactly last month he was telling my sister that he didn't want to lose me because I was all he wanted and he was serious about me. Anyways literally like 5 days after he told my sister that, he became distant our of nowhere so I didn't reach out this time because I figured maybe it was family problems once again. He ended up texting me four days later saying he had broke his phone and he had no way to contact me but that he had missed me a lot and he loved me forever.

 

Then he reminded me that my birthday was coming up and that he wanted to spend the day with me. Then after that he was being a little distant that following week. Only saying good morning and that he loved me and apologizing for being distant because he had been tired and busy from work. I didn't really press it too much because I just figured he was stressed from school and work. Well he went 9 days without seeing me or talking to me so the finally I asked him if he still wanted to be with me

 

He said he still loved me and wanted to be with me but I deserved someone who would be there for me more because he knew he was really distant and all this crap. I kept saying I didn't deserve better I just wanted him and wanted us to work it out until he finally said "Okay I can't be with you anymore my feelings changed" there was nothing I could do besides accept it because I wasn't going to beg anyone. But i'm so confused..exactly 2 weeks before he was saying he was excited for my birthday and that he loved me......

It's just REALLY hard to understand what even happened...he always said "I swear my whole life I wanted a girl exactly like you...your personality, your looks, the way you treat me, you're so perfect I swear God made you for me" And like how is it even possible to lose feelings you've had your whole life for someone in just a matter of two weeks? Like how can you throw like 15 years of friendship and feelings down the drain just like that?

I find it hard to believe he would lose feelings in two weeks SPECIALLY feelings he's practically had his whole life. He would always tell people he didn't know how he got so lucky to have a great beautiful girl and all this and now just...lost feelings in two weeks? FYI I know it wasn't another girl for a fact so it wasn't cheating...but I just wanna know what you guys think might have caused him this sudden change? Could it be too many family problems?

when we were breaking up I told him "Okay well take care and have a good life" and he replied with "I don't need that, my life is ****** up already anyway" ??

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How often were you seeing each other in person? he didn't lose his feelings suddenly, he didn't want a relationship and most likely whoever else he was interested in finally worked out.

 

It sounds like he has a gf or ex or someone he was interested in and just went along with being fb friends and chatting.

 

Also he repeatedly told you in different variations that he didn't want a relationship. both 21 now.we talked for about a year. he went 9 days without seeing me or talking to me so the finally I asked him if he still wanted to be with me

[smartin]

We would see each other twice a week when we could. He didn't have another relationship or another girl he talked to, even his cousins would make fun of him because they said he never got serious with girls. He told me he wasnt ready for a relationship at the beginning but once he realized he was losing me he got into a relationship with me. He was my boyfriend for 7 months and everything was great. There wasn't another girl involved in this.

[abitbroken]

Firstly, always believe someone. He told you he couldn't handle a relationship right now. That was the absolute truth. He was into you, but just couldn't do it right now. You said he could "tell that's what you were doing" - as far as pulling away - what did you do? Did you just stop initiating Facebook messages or were you very dramatic about it?

 

He did try to have a relationship with you, but things go back to his first statement. Talking twice a week long distance doesn't make a relationship and you guys are WAY too involved with talking to eachother's relatives about eachother.

 

You say "he got distant" - What does that mean. Just because someone doesn't message you doesn't mean they are emotionally distant. It may mean that they are just busy.

 

I think you should chalk this up to yourself not listening to what he was telling you loud and clear.

[abitbroken]

Could it be too many family problems?

when we were breaking up I told him "Okay well take care and have a good life" and he replied with "I don't need that, my life is ****** up already anyway" ??

 

Thats extremely aggressive on your part. You have known this guy for a long time, know all his family and say "Take care, have a good life?" That is not just passive aggressive, that's down right aggressive and mean. You sound like the nasty little girl who didn't get her way when she wanted so wants to hurt someone. All that was needed was "i care about you, but need something different in a relationship. This is not working out for me.". And if you see eachother around because your families know eachother, you just treat eachother civily - as two people who have extended family friends but who are not dating or involved/interested.