BF and his ex's child (not his)

[jchris]

BTW, graduation tickets are limited and he is lucky that he could even go himself. He raised this young man and he should be there to see him graduate.

 

 

 

He is a part of this young man's life. He doesn't need to complicate it by bringing someone else into the relationship. If you guys were engaged or dating a long time, you would be included. But why would you need to be there for one on one Monday nights? It does not sound like his parents or anyone else in his family has a relationship with the boy. I am glad you broke it off if you couldn't handle it. He should be commended for staying in a child's life, even if the child was not his.

 

I feel like he complicated it by maintaining relationship with the Ex gf. The boy has his own phone he's old enough where he doesn't need to complicate things by keeping communication with her

[Capttrae]

He helped raise the boy, he's got a bond with him you'll never understand. Went through the same thing w/ my now ex, she knew about it, started complaining about it, I told her she had two options, deal with or don't. Turns out she didn't want to deal with it, so she's now single. I still have contact w/ him and his mom, not as much as I'd like since she found a new guy, but still some. I still miss the youngun when I'm gone, and figure your guy feels a lot like I do about his ex's son, that's his son too, maybe not by DNA but in heart.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like at some level they still operate as a family.

 

On a different note, he seems to keep you at arms length. It was wise to break up over this second point.

[jchris]

He helped raise the boy, he's got a bond with him you'll never understand. Went through the same thing w/ my now ex, she knew about it, started complaining about it, I told her she had two options, deal with or don't. Turns out she didn't want to deal with it, so she's now single. I still have contact w/ him and his mom, not as much as I'd like since she found a new guy, but still some. I still miss the youngun when I'm gone, and figure your guy feels a lot like I do about his ex's son, that's his son too, maybe not by DNA but in heart.

 

I understand somewhat. My ex had 4 kids and I was with him for 5 years his youngest was 1 when I met him. They even called me smom. But once we split up we split up. So I understand he has a bond with him. But no reason to have any bond with the ex or to live a double life.

[jchris]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like at some level they still operate as a family.

 

On a different note, he seems to keep you at arms length. It was wise to break up over this second point.

 

Hats exactly what I've told him. He keeps me at an arms length and I think that's what makes it worse for me.

[shessofly]

He helped raise the boy, he's got a bond with him you'll never understand. Went through the same thing w/ my now ex, she knew about it, started complaining about it, I told her she had two options, deal with or don't. Turns out she didn't want to deal with it, so she's now single. I still have contact w/ him and his mom, not as much as I'd like since she found a new guy, but still some. I still miss the youngun when I'm gone, and figure your guy feels a lot like I do about his ex's son, that's his son too, maybe not by DNA but in heart.

 

Maybe I'm not understanding, but after reading the entire thread I think the main complaint is that she is not included in ANYTHING, including family activities, while the ex is. I don't see where she's trying to rip him apart from his "stepson". Maybe I am in the minority but I would expect to have some priority over an ex girlfriend from years ago when it comes to being included in family events. And to hide it from her and change the name in the phone? I would have left him right there and then, as that is deceptive. If he didn't like what she said when they first started dating HE should have said so. Not lied about it. Something is not right here.

 

What were his reasons for not wanting you to meet his family? You've been with him for years!

 

If he does have limited seating for things like graduation fine - but did he explain it that way? I'm curious about his reasons for excluding you from everything and not wanting you to meet his family. I would not twist anyone's arm to get them to take me to mom and dad's after 2 years. I'd have been long done and over the entirety of this kind of treatment. You should not have to "beg" to be part of your s/o's life. You did the right thing. As a matter of fact you stayed too long. The event with the fake name in the phone would have done it for me. There is someone out there who would be okay with this, but it's not working for you.

[shessofly]

I also want to state that maybe it's not entirely fair for you to expect someone to drop a relationship of 12 years the moment you meet/become an item. He was clearly comfortable with carrying on with the ex all this time. In the future if someone tells you that, you should probably realize up front that this is not the guy for you. You set that boundary and stick to it. He should have said, I'm not comfortable with that and I'm going to continue this whether you like it or not rather than LYING about it for a year. Even after you found out you stayed. Why?

 

There are plenty of men who aren't still having family dinners with their ex's years after the breakup, leaving the current s/o at home. You will meet someone else in time.

[jchris]

Maybe I'm not understanding, but after reading the entire thread I think the main complaint is that she is not included in ANYTHING, including family activities, while the ex is. I don't see where she's trying to rip him apart from his "stepson". Maybe I am in the minority but I would expect to have some priority over an ex girlfriend from years ago when it comes to being included in family events. And to hide it from her and change the name in the phone? I would have left him right there and then, as that is deceptive. If he didn't like what she said when they first started dating HE should have said so. Not lied about it. Something is not right here.

 

What were his reasons for not wanting you to meet his family? You've been with him for years!

 

If he does have limited seating for things like graduation fine - but did he explain it that way? I'm curious about his reasons for excluding you from everything and not wanting you to meet his family. I would not twist anyone's arm to get them to take me to mom and dad's after 2 years. I'd have been long done and over the entirety of this kind of treatment. You should not have to "beg" to be part of your s/o's life. You did the right thing. As a matter of fact you stayed too long. The event with the fake name in the phone would have done it for me. There is someone out there who would be okay with this, but it's not working for you.

 

No never tried to rip him apart from the boy. Like I said he spends every Monday with him. I tell him to enjoy. But to exclude me in attending events, even just welcoming me is probably not go but he purposely keeps me away. He supposedly stopped talking to her and she's no longer invited but yes he's shown deception as his solution to things. I left after the name change in his phone but then he came back around, again will nag to do anything to correct it. That's when he told her to stop reaching out. As far as the graduation. His first explanation is I have no place there. Then he follows it with limited seating so it makes it seem like an excuse. I understand the graduation and me. It going but what about other events. Like his football games...which he doesn't even tell me if and when he goes. Also, he's declined going to functions with me because he works weekends overnight and is tired BUT some of these football games are also on weekend days when he wants to sleep because he's tired.

[jchris]

No never tried to rip him apart from the boy. Like I said he spends every Monday with him. I tell him to enjoy. But to exclude me in attending events, even just welcoming me is probably not go but he purposely keeps me away. He supposedly stopped talking to her and she's no longer invited but yes he's shown deception as his solution to things. I left after the name change in his phone but then he came back around, again will nag to do anything to correct it. That's when he told her to stop reaching out. As far as the graduation. His first explanation is I have no place there. Then he follows it with limited seating so it makes it seem like an excuse. I understand the graduation and me. It going but what about other events. Like his football games...which he doesn't even tell me if and when he goes. Also, he's declined going to functions with me because he works weekends overnight and is tired BUT some of these football games are also on weekend days when he wants to sleep because he's tired.

 

Meant to say he came back around saying he's "willing to do anything" to correct it for us to stay together. And that's when he told her to stop reaching out. I was on my way out his door back then telling him this situation wasn't for me and it wasn't going to work.

[jchris]

I also want to state that maybe it's not entirely fair for you to expect someone to drop a relationship of 12 years the moment you meet/become an item. He was clearly comfortable with carrying on with the ex all this time. In the future if someone tells you that, you should probably realize up front that this is not the guy for you. You set that boundary and stick to it. He should have said, I'm not comfortable with that and I'm going to continue this whether you like it or not rather than LYING about it for a year. Even after you found out you stayed. Why?

 

There are plenty of men who aren't still having family dinners with their ex's years after the breakup, leaving the current s/o at home. You will meet someone else in time.

 

As far as it meeting his family for a year, he just always said he's calculated in what he does and isn't in a rush to do anything.

[KantSleep]

The child is 18. He understands the concept of relationships. His ex stepdad is in a new one with you. There is no reason he has not included you in some of the outings with the boy. I find it bizarre. He is disrespecting your position as his girlfriend. Sorry you had to endure his B.S. Good luck going forward.

[jchris]

The child is 18. He understands the concept of relationships. His ex stepdad is in a new one with you. There is no reason he has not included you in some of the outings with the boy. I find it bizarre. He is disrespecting your position as his girlfriend. Sorry you had to endure his B.S. Good luck going forward.

 

Thank you. I agree with you 100%