im 17 and he is 39

[redburningangel]

I meet his guy online two weeks ago i have meet him two times and talked to him on the phone a couple of times

and he is older then me he is 39 and im 17

and i really like him but i don't know what to do now

[RayKay]

I would be suspicious of a 39 year old interested in you at your age....there is not a whole lot in common with that maturity/age difference in my opinion. Of course, some may disagree and thats fine...just my opinion. You are at VERY different points in life, and have very different life experience, and personally I would wonder why he is interested in someone your age (other than for sex or to feel young) and not someone somewhat closer in age.

 

You are probably still in high school I imagine...I just cannot see that this guy would be motivated by true love and passion in this case. Nor could I see this being a positive relationship long term.

 

Be very cautious. I would advise ending things, but thats your decision to make - in any case, I would really reconsider this relationship.

[caramellabacix]

wow, i'm only a year younger than you and i can tell you that an age gap that big when you're this young... probably still in highschool... is not a good idea. what would a man who's almost forty years old want with a girl who's not even out of highschool? i think you should take a closer look at his intentions, because this really doesn't seem right to me. now if you were, say, 25 and he was 47.... well maybe that would be a bit different. it's still a very large age gap. what could you possibly have in common? hopefully he has his life set up and knows what he's doing. you're probably not even sure what you're majoring in in college. i'd say run away... fast.

[Sweet_Zootalow]

Only thing he wants from you my dear is...........SEX

Get used to it. Ask your self...Why isnt he with someone older. He could be your father. Ive been there hun...not a safe place to be ill tell you.

[DN]

I agree with all the others. Be suspicious, he should know that this is not appropriate.

[sisterlynch]

Please don't meet him You should be suspicious and expect the worst. Don't be gullible.

[redburningangel]

we are just friends

[ukguy1425]

Hiya

 

I don't believe an age gap, whether the guy is older or younger, neccesarily means it shouldn't happen.

 

People have said it could just be for sex. If no-one is hurt, it is all legal, and you are 100% sure you want to try it with an older guy, I don't see a problem, unless he is in any way weird or manipulating. For instance, if he has been the one to encourage this to happen, it shouldn't be done.

 

I think it is highly unlikely that the relationship with either be longlasting or deep and meaningful, so again, if that's what you're expecting, then forget it!

 

I realise my views may be different to most people's, but there u go...I'm just being honest!

 

Good luck with your decision, but above all BE SAFE - MEET WITH A FRIEND IN A PUBLIC PLACE. You owe it to yourself.

[redburningangel]

I have meet him

[From_Now_On]

You have only been talking to him 2 weeks prior to meeting him in person? And you guys talk on the phone also? So then I take it he has said he has feelings for you also or something?

 

I guess I just need a little clarification on the situation here...elaborate a bit for me?

[redburningangel]

he has feelings for me

[From_Now_On]

Alright. Well, here's my take on the situation:

 

I am 17 also. I don't really believe in all of that 'age-gap' crap either. I mean...when it's someone who is so young they cannot really think for themselves...sure. But a 17-year-old can think just fine. (In my opinion. then again, maybe I'm just bias because I myself am 17, who's to say?). Anyway, I have found that I can be attracted to older men. For the simple fact that they think on a more mature level most of the time and tend to have better understanding capabilities. Not to mention lots of guys our age and younger have this tendency to be driven solely by...well...you know. Anyway, for that reason, (among others), I've been kind of putting off relationships until I am closer to that age, (recently I did date someone, but in general my attitude was to wait). But, well, being single isn't always the most fun either, (once you HAVE dated someone…the whole lonely factor and all, haha). But the truth of the matter is…at our age…an age-gap like that would be incredibly difficult. I'm not saying no one could ever make it work…or even that feelings…real, true feelings couldn't be present in both parties. BUT, it'd be a very hard relationship to maintain in modern society where, let's face it, most people will frown on it. But, the real clincher here is this: 2 weeks. You can't possibly be "in love" after knowing the guy for only 2 weeks. Oh you can have feelings, yeah. And so could he…but hun, it ain't "love" yet. It might be something you want to explore…but..eh…I don't know. I'd be skeptical of the whole thing. (Then again, I'm one skeptical girl). What has HE said about the age gap? I just…I really don't feel that someone who has known you for all of 2 weeks should be meeting you already and sharing that he has feelings for you at that age. Not because I'm against age-gap relationships…but because he should know (I feel), as should you, (again, in my opinion), that his motives are undoubtedly going to appear questionable. There are just too many bad things out there to not be careful. I hope you really think about everything, and please be careful.

 

-FNO

[From_Now_On]

p.s.

 

I'm sorry. I know the answer you WANT to hear is that it's love and go for it. And that is perfectly understandable. It feels good to feel loved! But if he truly has real feelings for you (as a person)...he'll understand you wanting to remain at a friendship status for awhile. Which (in my opinion) is the way to go for now.

[sisterlynch]

I am close to the age of the guy and I would not see a young man that young as sexual in the very least.

 

Obviously, I can judge their personality and their intelligence, but to look at that boy of 16 or 17 as a sexual being is wrong.

 

I know that girls mature early and all that other justification, I also know that it is morally wrong for someone my age to see a teen as a sexual object.

 

Have you noticed that the news is full of girls that are kidnapped and killed by strangers?

 

Why would you run away from a perfectly good house into the arms of a strange man?

 

You need to tell your mom and dad about this guy, before it is too late.

 

PS According to my developmental psych book, you aren't going to be fully mature until the age of 22. Can he wait 5 or 6 years of no contact, then see how it goes when you are old enough to know better?

[Iceman26]

Hes after sex, plain and simple, unless he was in a coma for 20 years and still has the mentality of a 19 year old.

 

I think someone else said it best, if you were 25 and he was 47 that would one thing (though it would still be odd, unless you were Donald Trump). You are still very young, and are still growing mentally, physically, and emotionally, and this guy more than likely hopes to take advantage of that for sexual reasons. He is a generation gap away from you and thus has little in common with you because he has already experienced and been through things that you haven't.

[redburningangel]

my mum and dad do know about him and my mum as meet him

[jaiva]

I have a friend who I call SMILE who has a very old boyfriend I think he's almost thirty and she's about 17 or 18 and she has a horrible relationship. He's very controlling and I tell her all the time that I don't like him and he's bad for her but she doesn't listen.

 

Because he's that old and you feel you want to talk to talk to him I want to ask if you had a loving father figure in you house while you were growing up? B/c most of the girls that date guys that much older than them or even if the guys are only 5 years older than them want a loving male figure. They are trying to fill a void and dating guys much older than them isn't the best way to do that. Think about that before you decide to date him please!

 

Hope I helped!

 

Jaiva

[SilverManic]

My personal opinion is 20 years is too much... My boyfriend is 10 years older than me but we are on the same level. I'm very mature for my age mentally and understand a lot of the things that he does. If a guy that was nearly 40 asked me out I would run away fast or tell him that he's WAY to old for me. Thats my personal oppinion. I can just about deal with the fact that when I'm 30 my boyfriend will be 40 and turning gray, getting wrinkles and will most likely die before I will. But 20 years is going a bit to far.... Thats my opinion.

~S.

[beautiful_monkey]

I always like to think the best of people but this sounds very, VERY wrong....i really doubt its a case of love, more a desire for sex. keep him as an occasional ONLINE friend and focus on reallife people nearer your age.

[redburningangel]

but i really like him

[DN]

but it is really wrong

[redburningangel]

yeah i know

[DN]

Thisis a really tough time for you, and I do sympathise. It is very hard when your heart tells you one thing and everyone tells you something else. Try to put your emotions aside and let your rational, logical side tell you what to do. Think about what everyone here has told you, learn from the collective wisdom and do what you know to be right.

[sisterlynch]

Other than his age and experience, what are you finding so interesting or attractive about this guy?

 

 

when you are 25, he will be 45, When you are 30, he will be 50....he is going to run into health problems, you will be just hitting your stride in life...Like the other person said he is going to control the relationship.

 

You will rebell and you will never really grow up, until you get up and leave him.

 

Have you seen the movie Closer? It doesn't say how old she is, but the Natalie Portman character in the movie is the "younger" girlfriend, and he chases after the older woman, the one that can control him. Portman finally figures out that he doesn't really love her, but is dependent upon her to love him to build up his self esteme.

 

That is a job, not a relationship.

[Hope75]

Can I just mention that when guys that are that much older than a girl meet a girl online that it can turn into a creepy kidnapping situation?

 

There is something grossly wrong with this guy if he can't attract and relate to women his own age, and I would be extremely weary of what is going on.

 

My guess is also that because of your age difference you haven't told your parents about this guy, because they would and rightly should flip thier lid if they knew, which puts you in an even more dangerous position if you choose to meet this guy, which is an extrememly bad idea.

 

Believe me, whatever ideas he's put in your head, it is highly unlikely that his intentions are noble and I am guessing he is looking for someone much younger and more inexperienced that he can manipulate and control.... it's just sleazy.

 

Please use your good sense and do not meet this guy.