Feeling a little betrayed. Father in law etiquette

[jimthzz]

How come nobody has suggested cutting down the size of the bed? I'm no professional carpenter, but it seems to me that there is something that can be done to make it a shorter bed.

 

The issue of your FIL ignoring your wishes is not something I will address. Other than to say he will be pr!ckly if you do.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

If you were my hubby, he'd be totally ticked off that I told him to get over it, instead of coddling him with every misinterpretation or ill-will feeling he feels. And so, you are no different. Think of it this way, how many more Christmases or Birthdays will the FIL get be around for? With my dad who's rocking 75, don't know. Life is short.

 

Accept his gift graciously, because once you step on a person's toes once over gifts, it sets up how he will be giving gifts to your son moving forward. Just put in the basement or someplace, or let his friend's or cousins sleep on it, or whatever till you're ready to use it. But trust me - pick your battles.

 

Honestly did you even read the original post? Almost every one of your replies suggest you browsed through comments and picked what you wanted that best fit your point.

 

How could you recieve extra clothes from people and then complain about it? Do you know how happy I would be for even a few outfits for my son? Seems extremely selfish to complain about something like that

[je55ie]

I just wanted to chime in because I didn’t see anyone sharing an “artist’s perspective.” I feel like I understand what you are going through. I write fundraising letters/flyers every year for a charity. I sent a .pdf of one to my mother, asking for her approval because I mention her in the letter. She sent the letter to a friend of hers, who re-wrote, re-formatted and then distributed the letter around town without telling me. While his version of the letter was BETTER than mine, I felt so violated! That was supposed to be MY letter! I let it go, because the charity was more important than my feelings. I agree with everyone else’s comments that you need to just let it go. However, moving forward, I share things differently with these people. It’s totally OK to feel ownership of something, and I feel like knowing that I could do things differently in the future made it easier to get over. I also wrote an angry letter to the guy that I never gave him. The guy was just being helpful/nice/having fun, so writing the letter helped me “get it out” without hurting him.

[butterfly45]

Wouldn't having the bed at your in-laws place be an option? For if/when your son has sleepovers there?

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Je55ie...I was wondering if anyone would notice that. I am an artist and its quite a big thing to have your stuff stolen. It's just something that happens and actually I dontbeven mind having my stuff used. And it happens often. Either my ideas or my designs. I don't evr sweat it because I know I can always make it better.

 

I let it go. About 30 minutes after I started this thread I text my wife and told her to tell dad to bring it. I think a lot of people missed the point of the original post and it got sidetracked. Either way, it happened and I learned alotv more than I thought I would.

I guess the whole thing was not that my idea was stolen but that I was never asked to be a part of something I designed for my son.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Butterfly45... That is one thing I wanted also but they are selling their house. A big reason I told my father in law I was NOT ready is in fact because I WAS NOT READY lol. I politely told him....TWICE that I had no room yet, and my son was not ready. And still he took it upon himself.

 

The really funny part is how much alike we are. If my wife needs to store something small at his house he has a fit. But then this haha.

[je55ie]

Je55ie...I was wondering if anyone would notice that. I am an artist and its quite a big thing to have your stuff stolen. It's just something that happens and actually I dontbeven mind having my stuff used. And it happens often. Either my ideas or my designs. I don't evr sweat it because I know I can always make it better.

 

I let it go. About 30 minutes after I started this thread I text my wife and told her to tell dad to bring it. I think a lot of people missed the point of the original post and it got sidetracked. Either way, it happened and I learned alotv more than I thought I would.

I guess the whole thing was not that my idea was stolen but that I was never asked to be a part of something I designed for my son.

 

He took the easier road of “asking for forgiveness instead of permission.” I tend to feel insulted when people can’t be direct with me (either by being evasive or passive aggressive or outright lying), like they think I can’t handle the truth. But really, most people are just thinking of themselves. Glad to hear you feel better now. Maybe you guys can build something together at some point. No matter what, your son is going to have some cool stuff growing up!

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Haha my mentor used to teach me that and it's something that got me in a lot of trouble with him. "Better to ask permission tha beg forgiveness. I couldn't agree more. It's more irritating when it happens to you though lol.

Again I agree when people are not straight with me I almost lose respect

[Salty]

You have the right to feel whatever you want to feel. Your in law stole your thunder and did it all behind your back. That was an annoying thing for him to do and I understand your frustration. He only made the bed because he was bored, you wanted to do it because it meant something to you. I'd have them keep it at their house for sleep overs.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

You have the right to feel whatever you want to feel. Your in law stole your thunder and did it all behind your back. That was an annoying thing for him to do and I understand your frustration. He only made the bed because he was bored, you wanted to do it because it meant something to you. I'd have them keep it at their house for sleep overs.

 

Thank you for putting yourself in my shoes and seeing my whole point. I believe most people think that just because it's "Family"...there is some Unwritten rule giving them the right to do whatever they want and you have to just accept that. Well I believe that's ridiculous and everyone should be held accountable for their actions regardless if they are family or not.

 

The reason I told him about it was because it means a lot to my wife that I include her dad in my projects. Which I happily do. I didn't think it would backfire lol

 

Anyways, when I started this thread I wanted advice on the situation...not just for everyone to agree with me. That being said I got what I needed and realized it really isnt worth starting a fight with the only family I have, and there is plenty of time to build other things for my son.

 

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply and for your input. Thank you

[Salty]

That's wise, choose your battles wisely.