Luv2win Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 Please please dont judge me i truely need some advice about a real situation which is love i been dating a guy off and on since 1994 we broke up for about 8 yrs and when he went to jail in 2010 we reconnected in 2011 i was then engaged, i was his first gf i was 18 and he was 21. The relationship had alot of ups and downs as we were young. Fast foward when he was in jail his then gf he worship so much left him high and dry she didnt send him money and totally stopped seeing him she didnt even bring his son to see him.. At that time he had no one so i stepped in to help sent him money went to see him as we got closer, he got out in 2012 and went back to the old gf i was hurt, well he went back to jail in 2013 and she did the same thing to him, this time in got out in 3 months we decided to live togeather and make this work we were in love and i felt really good he treated me so well i stood by him we were as one....then i lost my mom and something went on with my son, i have a history with depression i went into deep depression, i noticed that as i was going through it he was not supportive, he started treating me bad being heartless and refuse to care if i was ok or not. I paid all the bills he wouldnt help me at all, but he help others, most days i would cry i had to admit my self to a mental ward. He didnt come see me or care he moved out while i was hospitalized i came home and was crushed, we were still communicating to one day i seen him driving rhe ex car to my house, i was shocked hurt and gone....i just cried and ask why he said nothing but were not together....that tore me apart. I cut all tieds with him as he called me daily nightly begging for sex and saying he need me, i never answered and never seen him again since feb 20th 2016. Well lately i been thinking about him he started back texting saying he want to make love to me etc....he said some pretty nasty things to me i never cheated or done wrong by him and i never understood why he talked about me and treated me so bad when i was having a breakdown, but i love him and i dont no why i havent dated anyone i find myself thinking it can work. But why do i settle for so much less i was put on medications to controll depression and i gained so much weight i think my self esteem low, but why would i still love someone who have treated me so wrong, please please give me some advice im not senstive i can take it because i have to get out of this funk of settling for less, why do i love him again, why would he hurt me so bad and dont care and treated the person who did him wrong so good but couldnt support me i did it from my heart!! Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 oh boy. were you just put on meds or did you get counseling? look up a 12 steps for codependents group. Link to comment
Luv2win Posted December 5, 2016 Author Share Posted December 5, 2016 I take a antidepressant medication iv never did drugs or anything i dealt with alot of losses around the same time i lost my mom child and bf...im maintaining but finding myself in the slups... Link to comment
happyfrank Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 Block his number and any way he can communicate with you. Remember that ex doesn't love you. He only loves using you. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 Yes, long ongoing counselling would help but he needs to hit the skids. He is not an asset to your life . Love does not mean that something will work out . Link to comment
tyler876 Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 Firstly im so sorry for you. Secondly love is caring for other person regardless of how he is and I clap for you for your endurance through all this. I think he holds on to you cuz he still needs someone there for him. Ill explain he behaved like this cuz he is dependent on you in a way he wants to take and take but give nothing in his relationship with you. He was being bad to you cuz he felt unease with you being the one in need cuz he still wanted to take but you being in a breakdown meant you are unable to give. My advice to you is to go up to him tell him that he is a jerk who was not there for you, give him a piece of your mind and threaten to tell the cops if he get near you or try to be in your life. Then walk away for good remembering these words ( YOU ARE WORTHY OF SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT HE GAVE YOU, YOU DON'T NEED HIM THROUGH HARD TIMES CUZ YOU WENT THROUGH IT ALL ALONE, HE WAS NOTHING BUT AN EXTRA PROBLEM THAT ENDED THE VERY MINUTE YOU WALKED AWAY) and im so sorry again and good luck Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 Wow sorry to hear this, it sounds like he uses women as a springboard for money, place to live etc when he goes to jail or gets out of jail. Try to stay strong and avoid him and go no contact and block him. maybe talk to your therapist/doctor about these feelings. After all this time you may be lonely and it may be time to consider a new good man in your life, rather than letting this one back. he went to jail in 2010. he went back to jail in 2013 and got out in 3 months we decided to live togeather I paid all the bills. lately i been thinking about him he started back texting saying he want to make love to me etc. why do i settle for so much less i was put on medications to controll depression Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 i wasn't implying you did drugs-- they have 12 steps programs for just about anything, not just substance abuse. i know for a fact they have them for codependence. judging from your previous threads it seems you don't have a support network and keep taking this guy back because you don't have anyone. 12 steps groups will have loads of people in similar situations and it's easier to come out of it with support. counseling, therapy, support groups are helpful in overcoming codependence. meds are necessary when it's this bad, but they don't change the behavioral pattern that has kept you in this situation for over 20 years. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 Basically he wants you when he needs some help himself but he himself doesn't actually want to help anybody . My mom was caught on that same circus wheel minus the guy going to prison all the time . That almost completely destroyed my mom's life . Now physically she's a shell of a person . But thank God she left my dad 25 years ago ! Really this guy is a parasite and he needs to go . Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 And I know you think if you love him enough that everything will work out that he will change . My mom thought that too . Unfortunately ,this won't ever ever happen . With help you have to learn how to love yourself enough not to go back to that . He is so defective nothing will ever be enough . And that's his own hole to fix . Link to comment
Loralora Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 He seems like a emotional abuser and a user .. stay away from him. You need someone that knows your worth, you don't need someone that sinks you further in depression. Link to comment
Loralora Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 He seems to be in love with his ex that abonded him in jail not with you; you he is just using. Link to comment
Loralora Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 P.S. It doesn't mean anything that you were his first love. Link to comment
Loralora Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 Firstly im so sorry for you. Secondly love is caring for other person regardless of how he is and I clap for you for your endurance through all this. I think he holds on to you cuz he still needs someone there for him. Ill explain he behaved like this cuz he is dependent on you in a way he wants to take and take but give nothing in his relationship with you. He was being bad to you cuz he felt unease with you being the one in need cuz he still wanted to take but you being in a breakdown meant you are unable to give. My advice to you is to go up to him tell him that he is a jerk who was not there for you, give him a piece of your mind and threaten to tell the cops if he get near you or try to be in your life. Then walk away for good remembering these words ( YOU ARE WORTHY OF SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT HE GAVE YOU, YOU DON'T NEED HIM THROUGH HARD TIMES CUZ YOU WENT THROUGH IT ALL ALONE, HE WAS NOTHING BUT AN EXTRA PROBLEM THAT ENDED THE VERY MINUTE YOU WALKED AWAY) and im so sorry again and good luck I agree 100% You have wasted enough of your time/life on him...time to move on.. Link to comment
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