My girlfriend was with other people after we were together

[Sr20eata]

Hi everyone i have never reached out for help in this way, but i feel too embarrassed to speak to anyone close to me.

 

So this is a long story but i will shorten it as much as possible, My now gf and i met in Bali we got along and we're staying at the same resort we ended up staying together in my room over the next 4 days (intimately). Her and her girlfriend had planned to go to an island away from Bali, in the beginning she said it would be cool for me to come then her friend said she wanted to just hang with her and that i shouldnt go, she agreed and i thought I wouldn't see this girl ever again (were from different sides of Australia) i was heartbroken i really liked this girl. I spent the next 2 days messaging her with no response.

 

Anyway she left and i was still there for 3 more days, in my attempt to feel something other than heartache as she wasnt talking to me i drank myself stupid and was intimate with another girl. And i left to go home after that without hearing from her at all.

 

After arriving home she finally messaged me and explained she had no wifi, bad reception, etc. She had gone home by this stage as well. She asked how the rest of my holiday was and if i was intimate with anyone else, i fessed up straight away and explained i didnt hear from her and thought i wasnt going to see her again. She was hurt and said she didnt want me to be friends with that girl who I recently added on fb, I deleated the girl that second. We continued talking and i asked her the same question and she said no but she had met someone at the airport and they kissed, which i was relieved about thats all that happened and didnt bother asking if they exchanged numbers or anything because she said it was nothing but a mutual attraction and alcohol. And we talked about trying to organise to be with eachother soon somehow.

 

So months went by with us talking on the phone every night and texting eachother nonstop, we sent eachother naked pictures, told each other i love you, etc. everything was fine, but i noticed every now and then she would say we are taking it too seriously and should just slow down? Which was confusing to me, she was the one saying i love you to start with...

 

Then one night she posted a pic of her and her ex and a mutual couple going camping together, i was furious and let her know the next day. I asked her if they got together and she said yes but i was just sex.

 

We talked about it and explained she was with him, to which i said "so you wouldnt care if i was with my ex?" and she said she wouldnt care if i was with my ex bla bla. I didnt want anyone but her but... so I accepted that it happened and that she may have had a moment of lapse with her ex.

 

We planned a holiday together to another island, and she came over for 6 days before we were going on the holiday, everything was great and felt like it was in bali, i had to go back to work for 5 days and she organised to leave and go to the resort and wait for me to get there rather than sitting at my house (as i work away)

 

We talked while she was there and I noticed she was starting to talk to me differently After a few days of being there. For example the chats started getting shorter and there was no i love you at the end etc. i didnt push it I figured i would just sort it out when i got there.

 

Got there and everything was great again amazing sex, great room, awesome location. After a day or so i met some of her friends she made on the island. They were nice and we got along fine, one night we were all partying and dancing and one of her guy friends asked if i was serious about her? I said what do you mean, i love this girl? He told me she had been with definitely 2 but possibly 3 other guys since she had been there. I was heartbroken like never before we literally had a crazy amount of sex before she left my house how could she even need it? After being appart for months im sure she could have lasted longer than that!

 

I asked her about it that night and we had a massive fight she denied it and said she was only with 1 guy. Her excuse was not knowing that we we were exclusive. After i took some time to cool off i explained that i wanted her and only her. She accepted that we were together and said she wouldn't do anything to hurt me anymore.

 

We spent the rest of the holiday together but i noticed she wouldnt put photos on her fb of us together, i asked her and she said she wanted to keep going a little slower. I didnt want to push it so i left it, anyway over the next 2 weeks of having fun and enjoying eachothers company we decided that we would try to be together and she would move over straight away and see how it went. I was excited to try and see if this was going to work. She left got her stuff and came back but while she was there i didnt have barely any contact with her the first 2 days, which i thought was strange, she said she was staying at her friends house and was tired... anyway she arived back to my house again. All was well till i seen a naked photo on here camera roll (that she couldn't of taken) when we were going through the holiday pics, she deleated it as soon as she noticed it was there. I asked her about it and she said she took it on a timer app on her phone, i didn't believe that at all but went along with it.

 

Later on i found out she was talking to her ex while i was away at work, i grilled her and said i dont think its acceptable and she said "were just friends!" Thats when it clicked and I realised where she stayed when she went home. I asked her about my suspension and she fessed up and said yes she had gone there after our holiday, that he picked her up from the airport and she spent 2 days there. She was back-pedalling when i asked her why would she do that and she said "well i needed to get my car!" That opened up another can of worms because obviously she spent the night there before she came over as well! I couldn't believe it i was dumfounded about how i believed this bs about 'staying at a friends house' line the whole time she was still over there and then it clicked to me that it was only after she went to go stay at a friends, the next day she would talk about us going a bit slower ect, like i was saying at the start.

 

So the whole time she was lying about it saying her ex was just a friend and said they didnt have sex bla bla. I explained i didn't believe that at all and asked her to explain how it worked. She said she didn't consider oral to be sex so she didn't technically have sex with him.

 

I then grilled her about the photos on her phone as i thought i might as well get it all off my chest now, I accused her ex of taking the photos and she went along with it, let me believe it and i had a rant about it makes me angry that he has pics of you and you still talk to him etc, she said she wouldnt talk to him anymore. And asked me to drop it.

So a few weeks went by and she got a text while in the bathroom and her phone was in the kitchen i seen it was a random guy asking why they dont talk anymore? I asked her who it was and she said it was the other guy from the second holiday (but he had a different name to the one she told me) i quoted her saying there was only one guy speach and she swears black and blue that she told me there was 2 guys she was with on that holiday before I arrived, i know she didnt tell me that but i knew already so we argued about that for a while, about lying etc.

 

And she threw the fact that i was with someone else after we met (which was the girl in Bali) i explained that I admitted to it and i was honset we she asked and she said well i wouldnt of know unless i asked bla bla. I then went back to the guy she kissed in the airport and decided to ask a few questions about it because i thought hang on i didnt really ASK about him, i let her tell me what went on.

 

So i asked the question and she said that they met up after they went home from Bali, that he organised a nice hotel and they hung out, went to the beach, got naked infront of eachother had a shower together after thier swim and layed on the bed and talked about what they were looking for in a relationship but didnt have sex becuase he was too sick (flu or something) bla bla i didnt believe they didnt have sex at all so i kept asking her how can you get naked infront of eachother (if you find eachother mutually attractive) and not have sex? She then she admitted to fooling around with him and she slipped up and admitted to said he took some photos of me. I lost it!! And asked her why she would let him do that, she said he is a photographer she didnt see the problem if she got a copy of them. She said they hung out but didnt click so the went their seperate ways after that, so it turns out her ex didnt take those photos this other guy did.

 

I have obviously had some trust issues with her since, but by this stage in the relationship i felt it was wirth fighting for and then i was helping her fix her email acount (infront of her) and found the reciept for the room that her and this photographer stayed in and it was for 4 days with a note from him at the bottom that said "she will be arriving before me and i wont get there till late that night" (a note to the hotel staff) so 1. This means she knew exactly what was going to happen that first night, he would travel down to be with her and she would be waiting in the hotel for him. 2. They were together for 4! Days not exactly what was described to me at the start? I asked her and she went back to the old "i told you that already" i said no you said that you hung out and didnt have anything in common. She then admitted to having sex with him but not 'clicking' with him, so they went seperate ways.

 

The other thing i found in her emails was a subscription to a dating site which she said she never used (even though it costs money?) i said that i don't believe that and she said well she talked to one of the guys on there, they talked while we were still appart after Bali, and recently i found that she poked him on fb. But i cant stoo thinking about that fact that she would have been sending him naked photos as well as she obviously has no problem with this photographer taking photos of her and she sent some of them to me, why wouldnt she of sent them to these other guys on the dating site? Not to mention they guys she had sex with on our second holiday of whome she was still talking to.

 

Sorry for the long story and i thank you for your time to read it all, im at a point now that she lives with me we have been together for 1.5 years and i feel like the whole relationship was built on lying and deceit, the whole time we talked when we were appart (after our original holiday in bali) she never mentioned any of this and i feel like im an idiot, kind of like all these other guys have got to use my gf as easy sex and thats it. And worse she was happy for them to, she didnt expect anything more than what it was.

 

I feel like im with the girl that has been around the block twice and no one wanted to keep her or they would have showed her love like i did. I loved this girl to the end of the earth, but lately it feels like i dont love her as much as i did? I dont know what to do... she is now talking about the future like marriage and kids (dropping hints and saying we would have amazing kids etc) but i dont know if i can ever forget the past or love her like i used to. Shes an amazing girl and super attractive. It just doesn't feel the same as it used to knowing how many guys had sex with her after i did. I feel like i have litteraly swallowed my pride just to be with her.

 

Any advice would be amazing im super confused and now you see why i cant talk to any of my friends about it because i already know what they would say...

[Edmund Exley]

You can learn to accept it or you can end the relationship. Can't unwind the clock. There's no other advice.

[Hollyj]

Really!!!!! She has cheated on and lied to you a billion times, and you are questioning a future!!!! You knew who she was from the beginning, this is on you.

 

Dude, WAKE UP!!! There is no future here! Time to block her, and attempt to locate your self respect!!

[Kaykayxo]

Yes, you did show her love. But guess what? She has no respect for you! Not enough to stop cheating on you and sleeping with other men. Pick your dignity up and leave this women! She is not wife or girlfriend material. Not only is she being unfaithful, but it is dangerous! Sleeping with all these random men..what if she had contracted an STI and gave it to you? Think about how disgusting that is. You need to leave and never look back, no matter how great it was in your head.

 

I have a hard time believing it was that great. Sounds more like the intimacy was great, which she clearly has tons of experience in. Wouldn't you want to settle down with a women who can love you and be faithful to you?

[ShatteredMan]

This woman doesn't value you and is untrustworthy. You will never be able to trust her going forward.

 

Go NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY and do not look back.

[Ilw911]

Dude that is a pretty f**ked up story. Seriously!!!!!. I put a post on here that I was paranoid that my GF was cheating on me which to be fair was just paranoia.

 

The one thing I was sure of though that if I ever found out that she had cheated then I would end it in a heartbeat. You can't let someone be so disrespectfull towards you. The fact that your letting het away with it time after time after time........and so on actually makes her respect you less.

 

She's knows your a sure thing and in between she can do whatever the hell she likes.

 

You have to without a shadow of doubt get rid of this girl. She might be hot, the sex maybe amazing, you might think you'll never find someone like her again but trust me, you do not want to spend your future with someone like that.

 

I'm going to guess that your life wasn't too bad before you met her so you in fact don't need her. Get rid of her, go out, chat to women, work on yourself and take everything that has happened as experience but don't dwell on it.

 

All the best.