I feel sad after taking that final step....?

[Rossoe900]

I have guy that keeps coming in and out of my life. He always reaches out after months of NC saying misses me only to disappoint me and leave me again...but every time he comes back I think its finally the time that hes gonna stick with it..

 

I think to myself, he wouldn't do it again, things will work out this time... but no, he runs away again every time and cycle continues. He ditched me a month for the umpteen time. I finally had enough and came to realization that it's time to stop doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.I now feel like fool thinking he really wanted to be with me when he was probably reaching out when he was lonely/bored and have a dry spell.We haven't seen each other for 2 years but we are only 4 hours apart.The plans kept falling through and this time he simply didn't follow through.I have known him for 6 years now

 

So I finally deactivated my Facebook and changed my number to have a fresh start. I also deleted his number so I can't contact him .However it finally hit me now and I'm starting to miss him but I know it has to be done.There's no looking back .I thought I was going to feel better but I feel sad, and uncertainty even though I know it is for the best. I know he keeps coming back because I let him..thinking he really wants to be with me.Is he doing this out of immaturity ?Does he realize that it isn't nice to string me along?

[moodindigo91]

Feeling sad is natural. Even though you know it's best for you, you still ended some sort of a relationship with someone you had strong feelings for. You'll feel sad for a while, and you'll miss him, but it will dissipate with time and you'll feel better in no time. As far as why he did it or if he realizes it "isn't nice," I wouldn't waste your time worrying about that. Unfortunately, you will never know the answer, and that is totally fine. Don't let him come back this time.

[Wiseman2]

He was doing it because you to allowed it. You left a void and space in your life for this. Had you been in a happy relationship and blocked him it would never have taken place.

Is he doing this out of immaturity ?Does he realize that it isn't nice to string me along?

[Rossoe900]

He was doing it because you to allowed it. You left a void and space in your life for this. Had you been in a happy relationship and blocked him it would never have taken place.

 

Yes I'm aware that part of the reason he was doing it was because I took him back each time --- for some reason I thought things would work out again. However, If the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn't play with someone emotions like that.I've been with guys that I wasn't that into and when I let them go,I never tried to go back and mess with their head again.I left them alone so they can heal and move. Also I couldn't really block him on Facebook because he would make a new account or use someone else to contact me.I deactivate my account for now for this reason so that way is unable to contact me.I keep in touch with friends by the phone and WhatsApp

[milly007]

Lucymania, did he ever seen explain to you why he does this...comes and goes?

 

Your feelings of sadness are completely normal. You cared about this guy, and cutting ties with someone you care for isn't easy. You did the right thing though, OP. He wasn't treating you right and you had to put your foot down. Good for you. Eventually, in time, these feelings will fade and you'll realize how far better off you are.

 

I once knew a guy like this. I never quite understood why he did what he did. He was a smart guy and seemed to be aware of people's feelings and how you should/shouldn't treat people, but at the end of the day, he just didn't seem to care. His own selfish needs seemed to trump all, regardless of how his actions (or lack thereof) affected people.

 

They'll only be able to get away with this for so long. Eventually this will catch up with them and unfortunately, they'll probably find themselves in a pretty lonely spot.

 

Stick to your guns, OP. Good on you for putting your foot down.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry he stalked you, but this combined with on/off LDR for years on end is another red flag. Now just block him on all social media and enjoy your social media. Why not try dating apps to meet local available guys to plug the hole that keeps you letting this drag on.

I couldn't really block him on Facebook because he would make a new account or use someone else to contact me.

...Is this the guy?..

[boltnrun]

My best friend has a hard time with that too. She would never, ever lie, deceive or use someone for her own benefit. And because of that, she refused to believe anyone else ever would either. She insisted that people just didn't do those things because, she said, they'd feel bad! I could NOT get her to understand that people can and do hurt others deliberately, and they do not feel bad at all, because they're getting what they want. They justify it by saying "well, that other person could say 'NO'. Since they keep saying 'yes', they must be OK with it."

 

It's really up to us to be our own best advocates and to protect ourselves. It isn't anyone else's job to make sure we never get hurt. If someone is hurting us, we leave. Plain and simple.

[Dottieflanogon]

I think it is "normal' to feel sad.After all you care(d) for him even if he didn't treat you right.It's a loss. There will be grief of sorts and the fact that the relationship wasn't exactly healthy--believe me he will not change, he will keep hurting you and you don't want that.He might not be doing it out of malice, but it's become a habit to just go back to you when other avenues fail him.You're the backup plan he comes back to when he can't find something "better", because you've showed him that you'll keep taking him back.

 

 

 

I would suggest mourning your losses and trying to meet someone new and in your zip code. Keep busy, go out with friends, spend time with family, positive people and do things you love to do. Eventually, you will either really realize how toxic the relationship was or you will "just" move on.You're better off without him, sweetie.

[ParisPaulette]

I'm sorry you dated my ex. Just kidding, but my last ex and I were on and off for six years before I finally cut it off for good. He still tries to resurface from time to time years later, but I refuse all contact. I'm done and in love with and married to someone else now.

 

The fact is he was a habit, a very bad one, and that's how you have to treat him. A really bad habit or a drug or whatever that you need to break the addiction to, and you need to be determined never to go back. No, it's not immaturity. Immaturity is things like laughing at bathroom jokes and being childish, it's not this weird on-off, keep hoovering you back for more. That's something else and I have never figured out what it is, but it's not normal. The sooner you turn off all the excuses and simply acknowledge, whatever his problem is, it no longer works for me. And he can take his problems and solve them himself, it's not my job.

 

He won't ever think about all of this the way you do either, so stop ascribing your own views to him. It works for him to have you and probably a whole string of other women in slots on a shelf to take out and play with whenever it suits him. Maybe if he's an old man and dying alone he might (and that's a big might) regret it, but really why would you wait until the end of his life and presumably yours just to have the satisfaction that he's "sorry." What does that do? You still will never have a committed loving partner who is stable and consistent in thought, deed and action.

 

Let yourself grieve the loss of the fantasy, take up a new hobby or activity that will get you out of your head, see a counselor if you can. Now is also a great time to get rid of other toxic people in your life, start fresh, and move forward.

 

You won't stay sad forever. As time goes on and you keep NC long enough for sanity and distance to wake you up, you'll just end up wondering why you bothered in the first place. Journaling also helps, somehow it helped me tremendously when I wrote down everything. I saw how crazy the patterns were and it helped me when he eventually tried to come back around, because I could no longer fool myself that there was nothing normal about him or me or us together. And I told him no and turned my back and kept moving forward.

 

And you will get there. Fill your life with friends and fun and goals and accomplishments that are yours and yours alone. And learn from this experience and you will recover. I did, and I left him at six years. It was one of the best things I've ever done for myself, you will likely come to realize what a gift you've just given yourself - sanity. Good luck and come here when you need to vent or get advice, it helps.

[Zippy2000]

Awww, sorry to hear what you are going through. However you are just missing his attention. You need to work on yourself and find someone who treats you right and not just when he feels like it. You mention you havent seen each other for 2 years. He could be seeing someone else, getting married and having kids while you have been left behind.

 

By cutting contact. Its the first step in breaking the cycle of him coming and going from your live. Take up a new sport, hobby or go on a holiday. Spend time on yourself. Find someone who is right for you so you can leave the other guy behind. He`s in the past. You need to move forward with your life. Not backwards.