Why is he doing this?

[pippy longstocking]

Oh Butterfly:

 

"in case he finds out or I upset him."

 

and you don't want "to hurt him".

 

So what if he gets upset! His problem not yours.

 

You have been brainwashed, B. And, as with any kidnap victim, de-programming takes time. But you will get there.

 

it is breaking my heart ... it does take time darling , your teenage years have been taken up with this crap and you don't know any different , but it is time you did . I promise you you will look back on this and you will wonder how you could even think these things . It is hard work , but you can do it darling , you really can . We can't take away the pain and we wont dress it up to be easy , but the truth is it will get easier and you will start to have huge realisations and you will get angry ..wait till that bit comes, we will all be hiding under the chairs when you get *the anger * ...dear god , it will be like 67 pmt's all in one swoop ...and then you will eventually never want anything to do with him again ..imagine that eh ..a life of freedom , a life of going out with your mates, getting drunk , having fun , seeing different men , falling in love ... it is all there waiting for you . x

[ParisPaulette]

Because he just doesn't want to know you're moving on before what "he" considers is a suitable enough time to soothe his ego that he matters more to you than you do to him.

 

I'm sorry, but that's what I read into that. This one sounds like he has a pretty big ego masking some pretty deep insecurities of the "my control over other people is a reflection of my self worth to me" but that has to do with viewing people as possessions. He just wanted to make sure you aren't replacing him so quickly,because then he'd have to admit to himself he wasn't that great to begin with.

 

It's an ego thing, not love. Ignore him, you have dodged a serious bullet and you need to just be done with this guy for good. If he starts stalking you get the police involved, because yeah there's something mentally wrong there if that's the case. But recognize this is more of a "she better not replace me before I get to replace her," which says he's got pretty unhealthy views about people and life in general.

 

Ignore, block, delete. If he comes around tell him you have moved on, because you were not happy and he can't be the type of boyfriend you want. Then move forward. It's done and it should be by all accounts.

[pippy longstocking]

Be glad I am not your mum darling cos he would be wearing his bollox for earrings right now

[Butterflyxx]

Your family and friends are right. Live your life, enjoy your freedom and stop acting like this guy owns you. He doesn't care, otherwise you would still be together. Try not to project your own feeling on him.

 

Thank you. I understand that he doesn't care now.

[Butterflyxx]

Oh Butterfly:

 

"in case he finds out or I upset him."

 

and you don't want "to hurt him".

 

So what if he gets upset! His problem not yours.

 

You have been brainwashed, B. And, as with any kidnap victim, de-programming takes time. But you will get there.

 

Thank you xxx

[Butterflyxx]

it is breaking my heart ... it does take time darling , your teenage years have been taken up with this crap and you don't know any different , but it is time you did . I promise you you will look back on this and you will wonder how you could even think these things . It is hard work , but you can do it darling , you really can . We can't take away the pain and we wont dress it up to be easy , but the truth is it will get easier and you will start to have huge realisations and you will get angry ..wait till that bit comes, we will all be hiding under the chairs when you get *the anger * ...dear god , it will be like 67 pmt's all in one swoop ...and then you will eventually never want anything to do with him again ..imagine that eh ..a life of freedom , a life of going out with your mates, getting drunk , having fun , seeing different men , falling in love ... it is all there waiting for you . x

 

Hahahaha I'm waiting for the day that all will happen. I just want to feel OK again. I really can't wait to get over him and to live my life for myself x

[Butterflyxx]

Because he just doesn't want to know you're moving on before what "he" considers is a suitable enough time to soothe his ego that he matters more to you than you do to him.

 

I'm sorry, but that's what I read into that. This one sounds like he has a pretty big ego masking some pretty deep insecurities of the "my control over other people is a reflection of my self worth to me" but that has to do with viewing people as possessions. He just wanted to make sure you aren't replacing him so quickly,because then he'd have to admit to himself he wasn't that great to begin with.

 

It's an ego thing, not love. Ignore him, you have dodged a serious bullet and you need to just be done with this guy for good. If he starts stalking you get the police involved, because yeah there's something mentally wrong there if that's the case. But recognize this is more of a "she better not replace me before I get to replace her," which says he's got pretty unhealthy views about people and life in general.

 

Ignore, block, delete. If he comes around tell him you have moved on, because you were not happy and he can't be the type of boyfriend you want. Then move forward. It's done and it should be by all accounts.

 

I agree, he does have quite a few insecurities. Once before when we broke up, this guy commented on a picture of myself on social media and he went crazy about it.. ended up punching a mirror and punching himself in the head.

You've put things into perspective for me, thank you.

It makes sense that he views me as a possession... he used to sometimes say bizarre things to me which indicated that he viewed me as a possession. Makes sense now!

I won't be contacting him whatsoever and I've blocked him on everything else.

[pippy longstocking]

darling just incase you don't see it yourself , have a little read of jah's post , I hope it reassures you that there IS life after an ex x