glad to be single, but lonely

[greenie35]

Hey there-

 

I've posted several times about the problems I've been having with my boyfriend of 3 years. Well, he has moved out and the "space" thing just turned out to be his way of breaking free from me which if fine because I realized that for a long time I was just dealing with being unhappy in hopes that he or something would change.

 

I have driven him around for 2 years because he lost his license. I gave him $500 dollars to get his license back. I would do lots of little things for him all the time to show him I think about him and love him. He very rarely showed me the same courtesy. Even if he did he would not act as though he was glad to do it. It was like he was forced to do it. I even helped him move into his new place, bought him a coffee pot and a poster of his favorite writer to hang on his wall. We moved away together to attend school and he has just completely reinvented himself. We are not as young as most college students. I am 26 and he is 24. Yet he is acting a lot younger. He's been partying a lot and was not acting like someone who really cares about me or loves me. My dad actually helped us finance the place we rented. Now I am stuck here and I can't afford it alone. I am looking for a new apartment but my lease is not up until August.

 

He is doing real swell though. He has a group of friends he met through a friend he knew from back home that goes to school down here. He has friends where he works, and he wouldnt have that job if I hadn't found the ad in the newspaper and hounded him to to apply for it. He had hoped to not have to work at all while going to school, just as he had done when were back home and I worked two jobs. In retrospect I am pretty glad that we are not together because the guy is not someone I feel I could spend the rest of my life with. He has many wonderful points, but I would rather not list them because right now it feels pretty gosh darn good to be mad at him. The worst part of all is that I am completely alone. I go to school in the morning and work at a factory at night and come home and do homework. I have no friends and there aren't many young people where I work. I have been feeling really depressed because I feel like I have gotten the short end of the stick while he is out having a great time. I have done so much for him over the years and if it wasn't for me he wouldnt' even be down here attending school right now. Why am I the one who's sitting home alone at night? I just needed to get that off my chest. The thoughts just keep turning over in my head...

[POAS]

that's how i feel. except i come home and play my gamecube and waste time not doing my homework. but yeah, i had a friend tell me that i needed to try to be happy without a guy, but see, that's almost a different issue here. you just don't have many friends to hang out with. and this ex of yours sounds like someone you should stop wasting money on because he doesn't reciprocate what you put out there, and in turn, is taking advantage of the fact that you love him. (or did, i didn't catch past or present tense, i'm quite tired). i myself am a hermit, so i'm inside all day when i can be. it makes me feel lonely 'cause i wanna go out and do stuff, but since i have limited friends and most of them need rides to hang out (and i hate getting lost on the other side of town) it just becomes easier to buddy up with the internet or my gamecube.

 

i have no advice except to try to make friends at school. i hear college is full of people who are the same as others. i'm sure you can find a friend or so if you try.

 

then again. i stay inside all day long.

[Sn0man]

I hear ya loud and clear. Being single, on the most part, is being lonely. I go to college as well, but am older than most of the students there (im 25), so I don't have really anybody I wouold call a 'friend' at college. Most of my highschool buddies have moved on, and the other ones I don't speak to anymore. Since the ex left I've been sitting at home either studying or spending my weekends on the couch watching tv. It's very lonely, and since summer is the time of the year to meet people (at least thats how it is here), I probably won't be doing much else for at least a couple more months. It really does get lonely. You're certainly not alone in how you feel, im sure there are lots of us out there.

[annie24]

Hey -- don't let it get you down. You sound like you're doing great. I believe that one day, wonderful things will come your way. You'll meet new friends and have a new love, and you won't feel bad for not wasting anymore time on this guy. Perhaps you can join some group and try to expand your social circle? Go to church to meet new friends? Really, anything. Just get out there.

 

I wish you the very best! Remember... even though this doesn't seem like a good thing right now, I bet that good things will eventually come out of it. Good luck!

[greenie35]

I gotta get one of those gamecubes, for real! I'm a bit self conscious right now. Not sure exactly why...i think it's the feeling older than everyone at school thing. I'm working on feeling better about myself though. I've been going to the gym and just trying to do the best I can in every other aspect of my life (school work my kitties). I'm yearning for spring and summer. I was thinking about moving back home during the summer. It would be ncie to be around all my friends, but then again I see a lot of possibilities down here. A new life...new oppurtunities...new men!?? ahhugh men...it's cool i'm not ready now, but I am definitely going through some withdrawal. Thanks so much for the positivity...feels really good...

[greenie35]

wow i just realized how whorish that sounded...im not really...ok bye

[Hope75]

Hi greenie,

 

I feel your pain. sometimes you feel like you've done so much for the guy and this is the thanks that you get. Well, pat yourself on the back and know that you were a great gf and if he didn't appreciate it than he isn't worth the effort.

 

For now, keep busy with school! I am back in school and it's my saving grace! No one can ever take your education from you and it canopen doors for you that you wouldn't believe!

 

I have made so many great friends at school and I love it, I hope you do too. Try to keep on the upside of things, you will meet new friends and maybe when you do move that will be positive for you too.

 

Either way, the guy who walked away from you doesn't realize what he's lost, and you are a valuable intelligent person, don't let him make you think differently!

 

Keep it up!

[Wagga]

Welcome to the single world. If you chose to stay single for a while after a break up and work on yourself you will get feelings of loneliness. It is completely natural and after awhile you will get used to it. The beauty of staying single and working on yourself is that you get the chance to listen to your heart and grow as a person. You begin to understand yourself and it's a good feeling learning to love yourself and just being happy within, which is true happiness. So take your time and learn from the past and listen to your heart!

[BillyJean714]

Hi Greenie35,

 

This part of your post caught my attention:

I go to school in the morning and work at a factory at night and come home and do homework.

First of all, sorry to hear about what's happened to you. Secondly, I see that you're so caught up with the break-up, school, and work that you have very little time for yourself. Break ups are very painful, but what you need to do is find some time to spend on your own. Go out for a walk. Go somewhere where it's scenic, and you can let all of your emotions out. It seems as though you're so caught up with everything, that you don't have an emotional outlet. The healthiest and most productive way to tackle your heartache is to continue on doing what you're doing: stay busy, but at the same time, find time to spoil yourself!

 

This is the time to redevelop that sassy attitude. Find the 'old you.' Forget about him for now. Focus more on you. When you find more 'me' time, you will realize that you don't need him! Hang in there girl. No one deserves to be treated with disprespect. You deserve better! ~Billy

[Bibora]

Hi there. Just one more sharing a bit of his loneliness...

Well... Since my breakup most of my week time is passed alone during evenings. That's already 4 month ago. Only at weekend i go to my parents hometown to pass it there. Before i ever meet her i used to be a very lonely kind of guy. Would not go out much and hardly would meet any new people. I would only be with my friends so my circle of friendship is kinda small. Now that she is gone i can't seem to want to go back to my oldself... And somehow that is what's happening. I try not to feel bad about being all alone at the apartment (somehow Messenger helps me while i chat with my friends) but it's just too hard... Being all evening without a friendly face to talk with, to laugh with... And actually i never found myself loving so much to work as i do now... At least i am in the company of my colleagues...

What makes things worse for me, i guess, it's because i'm in a new city and i don't know much ppl here. The people i know, are far from where i live so it makes things worse...

I must be pathetic sometimes... If i only i knew i would end up like this.. Guess if we all knew huh?...

[greenie35]

We seem to be in the same boat don't we. As depressed as I do get about being all alone and not feeling like I fit in anywhere...I still can remember who I was when I met him. I was happy confident secure healthy and had a lust for life. I often times feel like he has taken that away from me, but then again I am my own ships captain so I must take responsibility for the decisions I have made and who I have and will become. Just have faith...I've been down lower than this before and I have come back stronger than ever before. It's just all that time we wait and we ponder and we wonder where the hell things are going. I am going to try each day to do something good for myself and make some positive goals. As I posted before it's not so much about my ex...Sure I dreamt of him last night and his contagious laugh...but I am reminded every day of why it didn't work out. I guess this loneliness is necessary. MAn oh man there are a million and one people out there who feel the same if not worse than us. So we'll just keep on keeping on...doing what we know best and making little steps towards becoming the people we want to become...that's all we can do right? SO I'm gonna take the advice of all these good people...and I hope you do too...

 

Smile like you mean it...