Husbands family have been so nasty

[Jackdm]

Yeah, I can see that. Family dynamics can be complicated and entrenched. While my family of origin focused on "fairness", so different from your in-laws, mine also tend to fixate on being "right" even if subtly, making others wrong. It a burden of it's own. And exhausting. It's taken me years and years away from them to recognize this. Your husband may not have the perspective that you do, even if he tries, and is doing what he can to mend the rift in the way that he is used to and that they will accept.

 

It may take time, and with you gently withdrawing for a time to protect yourself and your daughter. Help her understand it is not about her or her lovability. You can explain to her that sometimes people treat others poorly, and why it is not behavior that you share. Maybe it is about hurt feelings and misunderstandings, and the best you can do about it is try to be kind, and not push the issue for now. Also, please try not to make objects (their gifts) a measure of love. Who knows why they are doing that, but things are just things. Objects are not about a person's value.

 

I try to be fair and treat others fairly but I can admit when I'm wrong and try to improve myself to make things better, something I feel they lack.

 

I have tried to tell her love can't be bought and materialistic things don't prove love, which I think she understands but is struggling to see who they would by her brother and not her, it's a tough one to explain.

 

My husband just knows them very well and he's been in situations like this before that if he's made them aware he disapproves of the sisters behaviour they have fallen out with him for doing so. It seems like they just really baby her and can't have a bad word said about her even when deep down they know themselves she's in the wrong.

 

I have explained it to my daughter as best I can and I just don't think she gets it, she's only just turned seven.

 

I will take a backseat for now and let my husband get on with it but I just want him to make sure our child isn't excluded and is treated the same as the other child, that's all I want really, just for them to realise they were wrong and mend their ways.

[Jackdm]

Don't put him in the position to snub his family because you are still upset with them. First you tell him to reconcile and then you're mad that he did?

 

I have not asked him to snub anyone, don't know what's given you that idea. And yes I am still upset with them but I must add my husband is also very upset with them and he will complain to be about them, yet when he sees them he says nothing and I don't understand that, if I have an issue with someone I talk it over with them and that's what I feel he should be doing. He can't come in and complain to me and go on and on about it everyday and then just act with them as if everything's cool. That's wrong of him.

[Seymore]

Jackdm, I can't seem to post a private message to you so I'd like to publicly say I'm sorry, both for your loss and for the way I acted towards you. I still don't believe you're entirely right to place the blame squarely on your husband, but I didn't give my advice in the most understanding manner and I apologize for that. I've been on his end and treated very unfairly so maybe it triggered something in me, I don't know.

 

Either way, please cut him some slack. Speaking from experience, I know he wants peace all around, and right now he knows he can't have everyone get along, so please don't expect him to make that happen. If he's spending enough time with you and your kid, take that for what it's worth.

[SkellyWoozle]

Jackdm, I can't seem to post a private message to you so I'd like to publicly say I'm sorry, both for your loss and for the way I acted towards you..

 

Very noble of you Seymore X

[Jackdm]

Jackdm, I can't seem to post a private message to you so I'd like to publicly say I'm sorry, both for your loss and for the way I acted towards you. I still don't believe you're entirely right to place the blame squarely on your husband, but I didn't give my advice in the most understanding manner and I apologize for that. I've been on his end and treated very unfairly so maybe it triggered something in me, I don't know.

 

Either way, please cut him some slack. Speaking from experience, I know he wants peace all around, and right now he knows he can't have everyone get along, so please don't expect him to make that happen. If he's spending enough time with you and your kid, take that for what it's worth.

 

Thank you, I greatly appreciate your apology but no need to apologise as you were only voicing your opinion.

 

I don't know what's up with my private mail as I'm new to this, would like to know how it works and have the option to private mail others and recieve them.

 

I'm sorry to hear you've been on the recieving end of something like this, family fall outs are never easy, they can take their toll on us.

 

So, no hard feelings. X

[Seraphim]

You need to have a certain number of posts to be able to use the PM system. They don't let out the official number to avoid trolls . ( not that you are one) But you know what I am saying .

[Jackdm]

You need to have a certain number of posts to be able to use the PM system. They don't let out the official number to avoid trolls . ( not that you are one) But you know what I am saying .

 

Oh okay, thanks for letting me know as I didn't realise that.

 

I'm sure I'll be posting some more in the future as its a great outlet for me.

[Seraphim]

Many of us find it a wonderful community. I hope you do too.

[Jackdm]

Many of us find it a wonderful community. I hope you do too.

 

Well so far so good, I've recieved some very good advise and am looking at the situation in a different more positive light than I was before. So all is good

[Irishness]

I don't know how they can act like children and take their problems with you out on their grandchild, they don't seem like very nice people. The sister in law sounds like a spoilt brat. I do think your husband should discuss this with them, he doesn't have to be confrontational, he could do it in a constructive way and explain to them the last thing he wants is another relationship breakdown.

 

So sorry for the loss you are going through and if they didn't get in touch at such a time I think it give you a massive insight into their character, one you maybe didn't know about before. Why even bother about these people? They don't deserve your time.

[Seraphim]

You kind of have to bother as they are your child's blood too and your husband's blood.

[kamurj]

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