My bf used to smoke before we met, recently he started smoking again...

[Batya33]

Do you think that your suggestions and input about other alternatives to smoking were things he didn't already know and if not do you think you're the right person to make those suggestions?

 

Here is what I would do - tell him to let you know if he wants your input/suggestions and if he mentions wanting to do yoga or some other stress reliever then be encouraging and supportive- do it with him if you can. I would not tell him what he already knows and of course life is stressful - work, parents getting older/unwell, having a child, etc. - the work stress sounds fairly typical if frustrating. He is choosing to smoke in response. Of course you should tell him if you plan to leave by a certain time if he hasn't quit - but otherwise he's a grownup and treat him like one.

[happpybear]

He did ask my input. I was careful not to tell him what he should be doing...because I know that i'm not really equipped to do that considering that I have never had this problem. I suggested going for walks because I know that helped my cousin. He seemed to like that idea so I think he may have never thought of it.

 

He did ask about what I do for stress, that's why I mentioned yoga, unfortunately he has neither the time or money it seems.

 

I realize that I am summarizing a conversation that none of you were privy too, but I beleive it was a respectful, calm and mature conversation. He was honest and understanding of my POV.

[pippy longstocking]

Ok so it is not bad news darling ...I was dreading him saying , well actually I like a smoke and that's the end of it ...so the fact that he hates what he is doing and doesn't want to do it is a step in the right direction . The fact that he isn't buying them is also a good sign ( not for his co workers lol )

I saw money is tight right now , but if things pick up may I suggest acupuncture ... I have just finished a 6 week set and hell they can stick a needle in you for everything ..I mean everything , I was laid there like a pin cushion . Anyway when I started I mentioned to her I had started with the menopause ( dear mother of god that subject is a whole new thread ) and that the hot flushes where bad ..I was getting them every 30 minutes , so bad I was often on the verge of falling / fainting ..so she said she can stick a needle in for that ..well as god is my witness bear , they have gone ...not so much as a bead of sweat , no night sweats ..I just know there would be something in acupuncture that can help with smoking .

 

I must add as well that it is very common to get quite depressed ..I got very low when i gave up years ago and seen many people go through this ..and acupuncture gets the happy chemicals buzzing round your body , I come out skipping loving the world lol ...

 

I hope he can do it , it is a horrible situation , I am a smoker , but that doesn't mean I can't relate to what you are saying .

[happpybear]

Oh god, I was also terrified that he would say that he quite enjoyed smoking again and wasn't gonna stop!!

 

I'll bring up acupuncture with him, but I don't think he can afford that right now. I know I have used it before for hormone imbalance, and yeah it's pretty amazing! I used to be a huge skeptic of alternative medicine...until I actually tried, and I was pretty blown away by acupunture, it has also helped a few people I know with chronic back pain.

 

I just want to see him work at quitting smoking. I've been weighing the pros/cons, I can't handle cigarettes for the long-term. I could handle him using smoking cessation products indefinitely. I would love for him to get over nicotine, that would be best case scenario. But, I know it's hard. Just can't deal with cigarettes. But i'm not gonna leave if he resorts to nic spray when he gets a craving. I can deal with it.

[Batya33]

I'm so sorry I misinterpreted your prior post - it sounds like a good and productive conversation and yes it's good news that he is motivated to quit.

[happpybear]

Oh no worries, it's hard to explain everything that we said, and how it was said etc. I could have summarized better.

[Ms Darcy]

Life is stressful, inevitably. Blaming something on stress is like blaming breathing on air.

[kleptoz28]

Oh no worries, it's hard to explain everything that we said, and how it was said etc. I could have summarized better.

 

I recently found this thread and am in a similar situation, gf started smoking again to "relieve stress at work" except they've got her working every day now, so she's really just smoking 2 a day. I'm about to have a talk with her about it, just curious a few months later how your situation played out?

[abitbroken]

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