Marrage is strong, but love may be heading south. Need help.

[William1892]

Yesterday, while having a small argument with my wife, she told me she doesnt love me anymore. Not a big deal at first, as she has half-jokingly has said this me in the past. However, I think I should take this oportunity to really think about it this time, and not blow the comment off.

 

We've been togther for 8 years, and married for 2 1/2. We have 2 young kids, daughter 7 months, son 18 months. They're very close together, so we are very busy with the two of them. (were both in our very early twenties)

 

Im gone 13 hours a day at work, and she stays at home and wrestles with the 2 munchkins all day. Im not sure who's job is easier, I know how stressing it can be with my 2 children, I certianly appreciate what she does. Were both very busy and its stressfull at times.

 

Our family is great, we love our two small children very much. I know our family life will continue to be good, as niether me nor my wife would ever concider leaving. However, I dont want a "business" relationship with my wife. I really do love her very much. We have no time for ourselves individually, let-alone alone together as a couple. The time we do get on weekends and when the kids are sleeping and napping, we fight over as to who gets to leave the house.. And I think its situations similar to this that makes us both resent each other.

 

I'd like to fix some of the things that are wrong with our relationship. Maybe my wife will "love" me again. She has no desire for me. Her romantic interests in me seem to be null. We get by together through our children and seem somewhat happy, family outtings, trips to the mall and TV time in the front room. (I mean, our kids are more important than our romantic and personal relationships with each other)

 

When the weekend does come and I am able to be home more and help out more, it seems my presense becomes an annoyance to my wife. Vacation from work is worse- I get to stay home all week and help out, we usually end up snickering at each other the my entire week off.When I think about it, I am starting to really think she really doesnt love me anymore.

 

I just want to save our romantic relationship, if at all possible, if there even is anything left to be saved.

 

Any advise is appreciated.

[StillLoveHer]

It can be depressing to stay home all day.. Get a counsler, See if she is really depressed. Depression can be fixed. Being gone 13 hours a day OUCH. schedule some romantic time. Maybe do something special, Bring a dozen roses home one night. Get a baby sitter, Make dinner reservations and stay at a hotel.

 

DO IT SOON

[Ashland71]

I really think there has to be something left to save since you said you still love her very much. I really think that you realize that what the problem is. Having no time to be together is enough to make any couple feel distant. The situation is a tough one and I really don't know what to say except hang in there and keep trying it is tough with small children to find time to be together, but it does get easier when they get a little older. I also have a suggestion for some free and easy fun that you and her might enjoy doing together and you can take the kids. There are times when home seems like a prison especially when you are not yet used to having to get diaper bag and kids ready before you can even think about leaving and every situation seems to be full of unexpected difficulties for the little ones. I can understand that it is way easier for me to stay at home even if I have a dozen errands I need to run. Anyway sorry about the tangent! Here is the suggestion: try going to the park. I find that if I can even just get out for a little while it help and I often do that when I get cabin fever. It might give you and her time to talk while the kids could be entertained watching other kids. I like to walk around our park with the kids. My kids are older than yours and I get the added benefit of them getting some exercise and burning off some of their restless energy. Rereading this I don't really feel very confident that I was any help at all. I am hoping that you can see the sincere intent in it and disregard the lack of help! I wish you the best of luck and hope that things improve.

[William1892]

Yes, I agree we need more time out together. My 18 month old son is really clingy to his mother, and we are the type to worry about them the entire time we are gone.. so we usually don't bother.

[William1892]

My wife gets by through talking to her sisters most of the day on the phone. She does manage to take the kids out somewhere, either to the store, or to visit her family, almost everyday.

 

Me on the other hand, by the time I get home have 2 hours before I have to go back to sleep and do it again the next day.

 

I do take my son to the park whenever the weather permits on the weekends, but my daughter is 7 months old and can't play, and most of the time I am chasing my son (as he likes to run very far in one direction and never stop)

[cookies]

haha...your son sounds cute.

 

well, about the kids being clingy, or fussy when u two make an attempt to go out...you will have to get over that, if you want to salvage your marriage bro. Really. The kids have GOT to get used to being apart from their mother just as they are used to being away from you when u are at work. The best way to wean them from this, is to hire some part time help for your wife while she is at home during the day, so they can become familiar with the nanny, or helper. Then your wife can gradually start going places alone, without the kids, even if to the grocery store, its a stress reliever without kids..TRUST ME...im divorced with 4 kids. and its TOUGH., altho mine are much bigger now tho...

 

YOur wife just needs time to herself, as well as you do, because being a mom is just as much a duty and important full time job as the job you have. You both must sit and discuss a schedule to put the kids on, as well allow her shopping time, and time to go to an aerobics class with other women, or sumpthin, because its unhealthy for the mom and kids to be togheter 24x7...they need a little time apart to miss each other a bit., it builds a stronger bond.

 

The guilty feelings are there in ALL parents at first, but the time is not only important for a HEALTHY mental balance, but its practically mandatory so that we all can recapture as sense of who we were b4 the kids. Dont let either of u be deprived of ur sense of peace that you have always had with one another...its just gonna take a more concentrated effort to make it a smoother ooperation with the kids and their energy haha...and BOY do they have energy..

 

good luck in ur marriage, and if u wanna talk further...im here ...

 

cookies

[William1892]

This weekend we both spent alot of time with the kids. She was able to get out of the house a few times. (Though, I wasnt able to leave the house all weekend).

 

I don't mind sometimes, as it makes gives me more time with my kids. Lately my son has been developing more of a liking to my presense. "Daddy daddy daddy daddy!!" And comes running my way. He can't say "mommy" very well, it makes my wife nuts.

 

I kept my distance, physically, from my wife. Though, I was right next to her most of the time. I didnt open my big mouth, I was very responsive and let her call the shots. I under stand she's been stressed, and me staying home with the kids is my way of trying to let her get out and around and not feel so trapped.

 

Im hoping her comments were only a attention-getter, in spite of the argument we had last week. I will keep cool, and have more patience with her. I did suggest we spent more time together. Her response was- she'd rather spend time out with her sisters, they're more fun than I am.