Was this Abuse? Should I Tell?

[FlipAngel84]

Well, I know it was probably abuse, but I don't know how severe it was or how profoundly it impacted my life. I've only told one person ever, my first love whom I am no longer with.

 

When I was 5, I had just moved into a new neighborhood. Another girl my age lived accross the street, and we'd play together a lot. One day she suggested we go into her walk-in closet. She shut the door and said she wanted to play "mommy-daddy" and she laid on the floor. She took off her underwear and told me to sit on top of her with my underwear off, too,(like woman-on-top sex) and gently bounce up and down. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, but I really wanted a new friend because I was so young and new to the town/neighborhood. Anyways, we ended up doing that several other times, but it only lasted for that one summer, then it stopped. I never really wanted to do it, but she did and I just went along with it in order to not lose her as a friend.

 

Later in adolescence, once I started dating, I noticed I had big intimacy problems, I basically avoided any physical form of affection from boys as much as I possibly could. I had huge anxiety problems when a guy tried to make out with me or touch me in any way. Only until recently have I considered my childhood sexual encounter as a possible reason for this. Should I tell my parents or confront a therapist about it?

[MetallicAguy]

Yeah, it definitely affected you. Go see a conselor, psychologist, therapist, etc. about it.

[DN]

If it bothers you then you may want top talk to a therapist but IMO opinion 2 five years olds playing like that is fairly normal and would not be considered abuse. Be careful that you do not retreat into victimhood to avoid dealing with problems that may well come from within.

[Riles84]

i did the same thing with my neighbour . .just normal childhood curiosity .. I dont think its that big a deal .. pretty normal for children to play like that

[Emotional]

yeah....Its normal, but if ur worried consult a close friend or maybe even counceling if ude like. It might help u.

[hockeywarrior10]

i used to do the same thing w/ my friend when i was little....now im thinking it's more normal , i dont think it would be anything two worry about. but now when girls come up and touch me [-X....

(ex: hug, hold hands in the halls, kiss on the cheek **yuk**)

...i feel weird when they do this...i hate girls that im not good friends w/ toughing me...then ppl call me a lezbo for it,

(and i have nothing against lesbiens...hey if there happy, good for them! it's just not me...)

...my town is a strange place...but thats whole otherstory! but when guys touch me, im fine w/ it...even though it rarely happens...

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Sorry to disagree, but that sort of behaviour is NOT NORMAL!!!!!!

 

I didn't even know what sex was until I was 11!!!!! And this 5 year old is recreating a sex scene? How did she know about sex? Thats really really perverted!!! How come kids can't just be innocent kids? I was 11 until I knew what sex was, and I am still a virgin at age 21......Sexual innocence is a good thing.........

 

If it really bothers you then you should maybe talk to someone about it. Its best to discuss it with a friend you know and trust, rather than start talking to you a therapist who does not know you, and who you don't know......find a trustworthy friend!!!!!! Who cares about you

 

But I think this girl who was recreated sex scenes when she was 5 is the one who needs to see a therapist and get some serious mental help!!!!!

[SilverManic]

She probably saw her parents do that. 5 year olds don't know things for no reason. She probably walked in on her parerents doing that which is how she knew. Friends can sometimes tell others. Therapists are by law not aloud (unless your under 18 ) and they would tell your parents if you are. Yes it is abuse but I don't think she knew it was (she was only 5).

It may have affected you but I think you can talk about it with a therapist and try to work things out that way.

GL

~S.

[hmilneh38]

My name is Heather. I am a mother of a 18 yr old boy. I am also a Social Service Worker. I am not however going to analyze and pull apart your questions or answers that anyone has given.

But I can tell you this or say this.

1. The contact between you and the other girl was not normal curiosity.

2. There is a curiosty at that age but it would involve more like what do you have what do I have, kind of inquiring.

3. You need to seek counselling first and then speak to family members, if this is what YOU chose to do.

4. Blieve that you have the power to make decisions that can make you feel happy and get support that you need.The uncomfortable feelings could be that you have built up a suspicious feeling towards intimacy and are questioning your motives when you were young and now. YOU can talk with you family and friends when the time is right, but therapy is the way to go. The reason why I say this is because in order for you to come to terms with the problems that have surfaced, you want to relay them to someone that can help you overcome them and then decide from there whether it is something that needs to be surfaced to family and friends. Sometimes it is just best to get the counselling and then get the right way of discussing it with family.

I remember when I was accosted by my parents friends, he attempted to assault me ( tried to have sex with me when I was just 11 years old) but I screamed and he responded and his wife woke up. NOTHING was ever said and I decided to not ever talk about it. One time after getting drinking and was with the wife and her new husband I brought it up. She kicked me out of her house and I had to NOT (had to lie)tell my parents about why she told me to leave. I tried telling my mother but she would not believe me and thought I was just saying these things to get attention. It was a terrible feeling. THERAPY is the best way to go, and then you can discuss with therapist if it is important to talk to family about.

 

Hugs,

Heather

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

As Heather said, you tell people they might now believe you, so it might be best not to tell anyone.

 

If it really bothers you, then you should maybe find a counsellor. BUt if it happened long ago and doesn't affect you now, just try to ignore it.

[Hope75]

Regardless of whether it is normal childhood behaviour or not, if it is bothering you than by all means talk to a therapist about it.

 

If you are having intimacy issues, than it did bother you to a degree, and you have a right to talk about it.

 

Good luck.

[Tbird12519]

It obviously does bother her an does affect her, therefore I believe she should seek counseling. I found this blog because I was trying to find out what the "normal" age of curiosity was due to an incident (three to be exact) that have occurred with my 6 year old nephew and my 4 year old (daughter) & 7 year old (son) . I do remember at probably 8 years old a neighbor girl having me get undressed to play. I was old enough to know we probably shouldn't, but nothing happened (to my recollection) that I am scarred by--no inappropriate sex acts, touching or probing. Initally my nephew just asked to see my daughters underwear & I think he thought it was funny (my friend who was briefly watching the kids & hers while I ran to the store brought it up; she was a little concerned with how he was doing it). The next time it involved him touching her in the front when they were behind closed doors & in front of me was asking to see her underwear again---my daughter said it tickled---I then reported this to his mother & spoke with my kids about how we keep our private parts private. The last thing I want to do is make any of them feel ashamed or be afraid to tell me it happened. Please keep in my these occurances were months apart (we don't see him that often). Yesterday, I came home to the disturbing news that my husband had to take my nephew home early because my son informed him that while in his bedroom and playing with the "cyclops" (a toy that you plug into the tv & put on things to magnify them), he proceeded to pull down my first my sons clothes & them my daughters & put the cyclops on their private parts. I do not believe my nephew had any bad intentions, but I don't want him teaching my kids that this is appropriate behavior. It also is something that was not mutual. My son who is mildly autistic tried to stop him & immediately told dad. Would you think that my nephew has been exposed to something/someone that is making him more interested in these things? Of course my sister, who is much younger than me, just got defensive and said maybe my kids were making it up & said my nephew shouldn't come over here because this ONLY happpens at our house. I am not completely surprised at her response, but I only want her to be on the look out for her son---I feel like something is amiss. Opinions welcome.

[PhilliesFan001]

I have to disagree with everyone who said that it is normal behavior. There is a big misconception that children cannot be abused by other children, and that simply isn't true. It makes things that much more difficult for people who've gone through this because it's so hard to understand if what happened was childhood curiosity or actual abuse.

 

I was sexually abused by a slightly older child for years and I've never told anybody for this reason - people wouldn't take it seriously enough.

 

Plenty of children do experiment, that is indeed a normal part of growing up. But, if you didn't want to do it, if it was upsetting to you, or STILL is upsetting to you, if you felt like you had to do it or were pressured into it..that is not normal at all. It's not easy/appropriate to label the other child an "abuser" in the same that you would an adult, because

 

(A) she may have been abused herself, or

(B) she most likely had no idea that what she was doing was unwanted/harmful

 

but the point is, it's something you didn't want to do. Don't let anybody tell you it wasn't a big deal, that you should ignore it (seriously?) or that it was normal if it makes you feel this bad.

 

There's a great forum online called After Silence and there is a special section of threads dedicated to child-on-child sexual abuse, I suggest you talk to some people there who may be able to understand your situation better. And absolutely seek counseling.

[philyabootz]

What happened WAS normal and I know of many of my peers who played 'doctors and nurses'. Your friend had obviously seen her parents in that position and was copying but the fact you were both girls showed her naivety and innocence.

 

Your problem I would suggest is an over riding sense of guilt for being a willing participant. You had the choice to say no or tell an adult but chose not to. Now you are disgusted by your own behaviour and not that of the other girl.

 

See a therapist if you like but I would suggest you just accept that is what a lot of kids do and stop feeling guilty about it. Perhaps if you read this link it may give you an indication of why you feel like you do.

 

Between two 5 year olds it is NOT abuse, stop looking for excuses. I am sorry if this sounds harsh but as a victim of REAL abuse this all seems so trivial. I hope the link helps and you come to terms with the fact a minor indiscretion with a playmate at 5 years old is not worth a lifetime racked with guilt.

 

link removed

[avman]

Moderator note: Please follow our posting guidelines regarding respect which I have conveniently tacked on the front page. Also people are arguing over a thread that is nearly 6 years old now and that's a bit silly. Please keep posts respectful and relevant to the topic at hand.

[PhilliesFan001]

Okay, I don't particularly want to re-write the entire message, apologies if it came accross as flaming although that was not the intention.

 

All I will say is, abuse does happen between children, even with a small or no age difference. It happens all the time, it's a fact, not an opinion. I'm not saying that's what happened here. I'm not saying the OP was abused or wasn't; all I am saying is, she's clearly upset about what happened, it's causing her problems, and she should see a counselor.

 

Your abuse has nothing to do with her, and neither does mine. It's pointless to compare any of them, and I found it "unhelpful" that you told her the experience was trivial compared to your "real" abuse. That's all. It's really not worth debating further.

 

And to reply to your statement - no, I don't find Freud particularly relevant today.