FlipAngel84

Update: I told him how I feel. Gulp. And to my surprise, as well as some of you guys' surprise, it did not end in my favor. He said that he thinks I have a wonderful personality and that he is quite attracted to me physically...but does not have a desire to date me. I was very sad/disappointed, and a little confused...because, normally, if I'm very attracted to someone, and they have a great personality...I naturally feel in inclination or curiosity to date them, or wonder if we'd be good together. I wonder if our 5 year friendship has sort of sucked out any novelty, mystery, romance that he might be looking for in a dating partner? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter "why" h e doesn't want to date me. He just doesn't want to, and I'll have to try to move on somehow...sadly.

Thanks for advice/thoughts! (keep 'em coming, for those of you who still are reading my post) I know I need to confront him...I'm just absolutely petrified. But yes...the biggest risk of all...is the one you never take. So I need to finally man up (since he won't? lol) and tell him how I feel.

I'm entering the sixth year of being friends with this guy. We met at 17, ended up going to the same small college, and now we just graduated and are 22/23. We both were dating other people during year 1, though we expressed our feelings/attraction to each other. Then during year 2, we tried dating for a couple months, but it was too hard for me because I was still torn up over my first love who had dumped me (we tried dating too soon after the breakup). Since then we have remained friends, though our friendship in the past 9 months has grown closer and closer. His girlfriend totally smashed his heart though in January, and while it brought our friendship closer, it also has made it harder on me to be able to express my feelings towards him, because he's had a tough time getting over her. The day she broke up with him, he contacted me and said "I knew the moment she left my house, the first person I wanted to contact was you." This past spring, I stayed over at his place a few times - we made out, cuddled, then chilled the next day - played guitar, laughed/watched movies, etc. One of those times, he verbally asked if he could kiss me (I was confused, because we had already kissed the weekend before)...and then he said "I get nervous to kiss you." Now, that could be taken a few different ways, so I wasn't sure how to handle that. He's expressed that he's very physically/sexually attracted to me. And he also has expressed that he really values our friendship. We have so much fun when we hang out, always lots of laughing, joking, teasing, but also deep and personal conversations, too...something that definitely has been cultivated over our 5 year friendship. But, I also have feelings for him, I still get butterflies and excited. I just can't read his signals always... The fact that we are such good friends, and for so long...makes it incredible hard to try to talk to him about it, to bring it to the next level...I'm very afraid of losing the friendship or making it awkward, if his feelings are not mutual. I guess my questions are 1. Guys: Do you have female friends that you are very attracted to, and find as a really fun girl, but have no urge to date her? 2. Everyone: Does anyone have experience in dating someone they first were friends with for a long time? (Both success and not-so-successul stories are welcome) 3. Guys: Would fear of losing the friendship, or fear of making it awkward...stop you from pursuing a close female friend?

I am currently 22 years old and have been friends with and on and off in love with this certain guy, A., for 5 years now. We tried dating for a couple months 3 years ago, but it was bad timing - I still was not over my ex, and it took its toll on A. and he broke it off. Since then, though, we have been good friends on and off. We've both dated other people, loved and lost...but we always turn to each other if we want help/advice/etc. He dated a girl for over a year, and in January she broke it off with him out of the blue. He contacted me that very night and said "When she left my house, the first person I wanted to talk to was you because I knew you'd be there for me." He was very devestated by the breakup, so I didn't push anything to happen, I was just there as his friend. Since then, our friendship has grown closer. In the past month, we have even hung out/made out/stayed over at each other's places a few times...but, normally this is after going to the bars, so I really don't know. Some people say a "drunk man's words/actions are a sober man's thoughts," while others say you can't read too much into drunken excursions. The first two times we made out this past month, I initiated. But last weekend, I did not. We were cuddling and he said "Can I kiss you?" and so I said yes and he replied "I get nervous to kiss you, I don't know why because I normally don't with girls, but I do with you." I interpreted this as a positive sign that perhaps he has feelings for me...but, he could jsut be nervous because we are friends and he is afraid of what kissing will do to the friendship. I guess what I am asking is: How do you know if your guy friend likes you? Guys can send mixed signals.

I met a guy a little over two months ago from the internet. It was a website designed for younger (mainly highschool/college) people to post pics, meet people, post in forums, etc. We were instantly attracted to each other, and met in person. For the first month, things were going wonderful. He was really sweet and very affectionate and vocal about his feelings for me. Hanging out was always a complete blast. There was no doubt in my mind that he liked me a lot. He seemed like he couldn't get enough of me. The past month, however, things have been different. He doesn't always call back when he says he will....or when he does, it's several hours later. There are a lot of girls that try to flirt with him on that online site, and it makes me jealous/nervous. He flirts with them back, though he says its "just fun and games." He also isn't as verbal about his feelings. However, whenever we hang out....he still is really sweet, affectionate, etc. Also, I seem to be initiating the "hanging out" more....he says that he's more "laid back" and that in his last relationship, the girl always initiated the plans so he had gotten used to that. Because of my concerns, I've had a few talks with him. Basically, he gave me the "I'm not ready for a commitment" thing. When I asked why, he said he didn't know. When I asked why things changed after the first month, he said that he did/does really like me a lot, and that his developing strong feelings for me scared him and overwhelmed him. He said he put up a wall because getting into a serious relationship makes him feel anxious and suffocating. Yet, he reassures me that he likes me and there aren't other women he is pursuing. Is the "I'm not ready for a commitment" speech always bogus and b.s. for the truth of "I just am not that into you to date you on that level" Or...could he be telling the truth...maybe he did/does like me a lot that first month and it scared him so he wanted to back off and take it easy? Is he scared to anchor down on just one girl, or is he scared of love/getting hurt again? I need advice! He sends such mixed signals.

Well, I know it was probably abuse, but I don't know how severe it was or how profoundly it impacted my life. I've only told one person ever, my first love whom I am no longer with. When I was 5, I had just moved into a new neighborhood. Another girl my age lived accross the street, and we'd play together a lot. One day she suggested we go into her walk-in closet. She shut the door and said she wanted to play "mommy-daddy" and she laid on the floor. She took off her underwear and told me to sit on top of her with my underwear off, too,(like woman-on-top sex) and gently bounce up and down. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, but I really wanted a new friend because I was so young and new to the town/neighborhood. Anyways, we ended up doing that several other times, but it only lasted for that one summer, then it stopped. I never really wanted to do it, but she did and I just went along with it in order to not lose her as a friend. Later in adolescence, once I started dating, I noticed I had big intimacy problems, I basically avoided any physical form of affection from boys as much as I possibly could. I had huge anxiety problems when a guy tried to make out with me or touch me in any way. Only until recently have I considered my childhood sexual encounter as a possible reason for this. Should I tell my parents or confront a therapist about it?

I never wanted to be the girl who stole the guy away from his girlfriend, but I need some advice... I was at my friend's townhome last week, he has a small party gathering. His roomate (a girl) was asleep upstairs but her boyfriend was hanging out with us downstairs. Shortly after meeting him, we both ended up talking one-on-one for a couple hours. He kept smiling, asking me intriquing questions, and did subtle things like touch my arm and shoulder. He then took me for a spin in his car, and when I said I was cold, he offered his jacket and smiled. I really felt a connection, we had a lot in common and , after I left to go home, I realized he had secretly managed to put his cell phone number in MY cell phone book. I feel really guilty having feelings for him, I feel there is great potential but he has a girlfriend. However, his behavior from that night seems to point that he may have feelings for me too, but feels guilty and isn't sure if he should pursue it? Should I call him....? Do his actions from that night mean he's just a friendly guy, or was it more? I need advice, thanks. A Girl, age 20, Minnesota.

Hey there. Two weeks ago, I met this guy whom I had talked to on the internet with awhile back...but had lost touch with until recently. It was our first time seeing each other in person, and we had a blast. We've spent almost every day since then together, and it has been nothing but wonderful. We both are amazed at how quickly one can fall in love! However...he is moving next week to Vegas (I live in Minnesota). We both knew he was moving from the start, and we promised that we would try not to become attached...but you can't really control love and fate. We talked about his moving last night, and it brought us both to tears. But its a great job oppourtunity for him there. And I am in college in Minnesota. I need advice on what to do in this situation...!

My ex b/f is giving me mixed signals as well. I understand the confusion of the position you are in! You call find out his feelings if you just ASK HIM! Of course, this is much easier said than done...but the two of you need to sit down and have a talk. Perhaps he does have feelings for you again, but is afraid you don't, or is afraid of another failed relationship. The simplest thing you can do is ask him for his honest opinion on how he feels about you and the situation. I wish you best of luck!

Hi, I'm 19 and a college student. Last year I dated a guy for 8 months. Though I had boyfriends before him, this one was definitely my first love. We were so in love...family/friends said we were born for each other, despite the fact we were so young still. You should've seen the way he looked at me, and held me... Anyways...a month prior to our breakup we started arguing over little things. I was away at college and struggling to fit in there, and he was stressed finishing his senior year at school. Though we were in a rut, I thought our love was strong to pull through....he thought otherwise. He dumped me, and started dating another girl two weeks later. I was devastated. We fought back and forth for weeks...thrashing out at each other. He turned into a jacka**, I went back and forth between being a b*tch and also just being utterly heartbroken and sad. It was ugly. Then we just stopped all communication. However, he called me last week, and we met in person today. It is now 6 months after our breakup. We both have since matured and are more open minded. My question is...do you believe it's possible to mend our broken hearts together again? 6 months is a long separation for a couple who dated for 8 months....but to be honest, I still melt at the sight of his smile, and he still laughs at my silly jokes. I feel like we understand each other so well. Our breakup was terribly messy though, and i'm afraid there might have been to much damage.

Hey guys, I need your help. I'm 18, a college student in Minnesota. So here's my story: There is this guy, Andy, that I've been friends with for about a year and a half. We were really close friends, by far the closest guy friend I have had. However, we didn't date because we both went back and forth between having significant others. Well, December 2002, we both were single, and the feelings started to grow. By mid January we decided to officially date. Things were going great, until one day he said he doesn't want a relationship right now because of school and baseball season. He also said he's not sure if he wants to or can be there for me in the way that I need him to be (I suffer from depression and anxiety). I was pretty hurt and we fought back and forth for a few days. He says he wouldn't rule out dating in the future, but if I argue like I did those couple days, or push him in any way to date....I will only drive him away. Since we were such good friends before, and both still care for each other, we're going back to being friends. I really like this guy!! My question is...how can I be friends with him, and at the same time get him to re-spark his feelings for me? I want to be his friend but also let him know what a great person I am and how good we would be together

I will try to make this short and to the point. I am 19 years old, a freshman in college. Last year I dated an amazing guy for 8 months. We were madly in love, and we were each other's first for everything. The feelings we had for each other were so powerful and magical, it seemed too good to be true....well, maybe it was. The last month we were together we fought a lot over dumb things. He is still a senior in highschool, and since we only see each other once a week...and plus we were having problems, his mind strayed. This girl at school started flirting and trying to steal him away. Well he's now with her. I know we are meant for each other...I know that sounds naive of me to say, but we fit together perfectly. We hit a few relationship bumps, and he bailed. I don't know how he could go from loving me so deeply, to just dumping me and dating another girl so soon. My question: How can I try to win him back? I don't mean desperate or anything, I just want to know what I can do to show him what a wonderful person I am and remind him of how great/perfect we were together. I truly believe he is the one, I really need some advice

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for almost 8 months. Prior to that, we had been good friends for several months. During that time...everything seemsed so...so magical, so perfect. We were madly in love and felt that we were perfect for each other. We felt so lucky to have found our special someone at the tender age of 18. 4 months into it, he gave me a promise ring. It was right before I went off to college. At first, things with him were still awesome. I'd miss him a lot, but we'd still see each other once to twice a week, and being away from each other made us realize how much love we had for one another. However, the stress of adjusting to college took its toll on me. I have an anxiety disorder and get worked up easily. I ended up taking it out a lot on the ones I love...which included my boyfriend. He ended up dumping me, but he lied to as to why he wanted to break up. I only learned from a mutual friend that it was because he found another girl (a 15 yr. old, might I add! how insulting). Well, to make this story short....I'm heartbroken. He seems to have moved on so fast. But we had been so sure we were "the one" for each other. How can someone give up on true love so easily like he did? I remember the wonderful moments we shared, and the connection we had is irreplacable....It's been two months since the breakup, and I'm still healing. I love him so much, I understand I made some mistakes in the relationship but he seems to have no interest in me, he's so cold-hearted towards me now. What should I do?? This is so hard.