Coming on Too Strong....

[romantic sweetheart]

Just when I thought everything would clear up...more soap opera drama. I have been trying to recuperate from some pain...but people have been entering my life, including one man who has come on so strong...after just a week he is telling me he loves me and wants to marry me...?? He is a very kind, feeling person, but this is way too fast.

 

In addition, other people from the past are re-surfacing....and now I am utterly overwhelmed with what to do.

 

My problem is I hate hurting people, and I don't want to be cruel.....I just don't know what to do.

 

For the one person who is coming on strong, how do I gently tell him this needs to slow down immensely? For the others, how do I figure out what to tell them?

 

I know this all sounds so silly and strange. It's like this portal has been opened...as soon as I start feeling a little better, people come around...perhaps notice my gain in confidence...I don't know.

 

The bottom line is...I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel my life is not healed quite yet..and my vision is not focused enough to commit to anyone.....What do I do? How do I kindly let these people know what is going on?

[Caldus]

There's only one thing you can do: tell him. Because if you lead him on then it will hurt him even more when he finally figures out you don't want to take it that far yet. I know you hate hurting people but you have to look out for yourself too. Don't jump into a relationship just so that you don't hurt that person. Jump into a relationship because you want to be with him. That's how it should work. Are you open for dating? Friends? What? Just tell these people whatever you are looking for at the moment and they will have to deal with it.

[DN]

someone who wants to marry you after a week is unlikely to be deterred by a gentle hint. He will need a very firm statement.

[GettingOverIt]

Yeah, you're going to have to be firm. Tell him exactly what you've told us here... Maybe not all of it, okay... But, tell him you are not ready, nor interested in getting married right now, especially after such a short courtship.

 

you also need to figure out where you *DO* want that relationship to go... I mean, not figure it out right away, but somewhere in your mind, think about it.... If you honestly do not see this going further than dating, then that should be made crystal clear.... And, since he is already wanting to get married, even if you think it 'might' lead to that someday, I wouldn't lead him on about it.... Be honest, even if it hurts....

[lookingforclosure5]

Be careful with this kind of guy. I speak only from my experiences. Too much too soon can lead to WAY too much all of the time. I'd say the sooner the better on telling him what you feel. Good luck. Stay firm and stick to your guns.

[Sn0man]

If it's only been a week and this guy's saying he wants to marry you already, I think you're either out of his league or he's got insecurity issues, and he know's it. Maybe take a couple of days off from seeing him, and then tell him that you two need to slow it down a couple of notches and just enjoy the dating thing. Then have some fun, and don't let things get too serious or out of hand too fast, because from the sounds of it, he'll end up just pushing you away. Maybe let him know that.

[arwen]

Sweetie,

 

Is this the same man that you told us about, who comes to your work and is quite a few years your senior?

 

Be careful with this, I agree with the posters above on this. In this situation it's more important that you don't end up hurt again.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.