What are the signs

[bluebell05]

I feel my boyfriend might be doing something behind my back. He has lied to me by telling me he cheated on me when he wanted his ex back the first time we were together. But when I bring it up he says it's the past and to leave it the past. I just don't know what the signs would be if he was or could how he is acting be something else? We have been together over a year and he claims to be happy and I don't give him a reason to cheat but he says his exs taught him how he is cause of how they were with him and they both cheated on him. I just don't know what to think.

[Wiseman2]

Why are you so suspicious he's cheating? You moved into his house after knowing him for 2 Days. And you describe the situation as full of drugs, stealing, his entire family living there with his sons dogs, etc. In addition to him working overtime and late shifts. Why don't you just move out?

I feel my boyfriend might be doing something behind my back.

same situation?

[bluebell05]

Well I am just looking for the signs because it could be then just stress going on in the house. I don't want to move out because I don't want to end things with him. I just want to know what I am up against. What I need to do to fix the situation. What I need to do to understand what is going on with him. There are more things going on I mean I put my all into this relationship. I know it's been only a little over a year but I love him to death. He says he loves me so I want to fix what is wrong and just seeking advice

[bluebell05]

We were talking a lot longer then 2 days I mean like 6 or 7 months we were talking and then we met the first time and the second time we saw each other he had me come over and didn't want me to leave. So that is why I moved in so soon... to us it wasn't so soon. But what got me he wanted his ex out. I was okay and understood why he was doing it. But there is another ex that I think he is trying to get back with that is why I think he is doing something behind my back. Why would he be so cautious about his phone.. I saw messages between them both and give me the impression that he wants to make things better with them but that was months ago and we are still together and he says he is happy but I still have that doubt.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are looking for this nonexistent mystery 'cheating' problem, so you don't have to deal with the realities of all the others, which means you have to work at things to improve them rather than point fingers at him..

Well I am just looking for the signs because it could be then just stress going on in the house.

[Hermes]

"But I love him to death. He says he loves me so I want to fix what is wrong and just seeking advice"

 

That sure is some crusade you are on, Bluebell.

 

It isn't your job to "fix" anyone or anything.

[bluebell05]

So you would say he isn't cheating. He is just preoccupied with the things going on in the house. He takes things to the extreme. Like the other day his sons dog went to the bathroom on the dining room floor it happened to go into the basement where he just put drywall up and put plastic on the ceiling so nothing gets ruined. He is so fed up with this dog destroying things down there. He has a race bike that he is getting ready and his son doesn't care and still keeps the dog after him saying he is getting rid of it. And my boyfriend automatically said he putting the house up for sale cause everything he is doing is getting ruined. I just don't know how to handle him. If you say he isn't cheating then what would you call it. When he says he would rather be at work then home, he says that he is giving up. These are things he was saying when he was talking to this ex before. It's like he's doing the same stuff as he did before when he wanted to get back with his recent ex..

[bluebell05]

Hermes. Why would you say it's a crusade I'm in... and that I don't need to fix what's wrong. I mean he says he is happy with us. But not happy in general with what's going on. I am just afraid of everything happening will eventually push him to do whatever just to get out of the situation.

[moodindigo91]

Sounds like a mess. And what does this even mean:

"He has lied to me by telling me he cheated on me when he wanted his ex back the first time we were together."

 

He LIED to you and told you he cheated on you? I mean... why are you with him again?

 

Why is it that you think you deserve a POS relationship with someone who is incapable of being honest?

 

What kind of BS is "I cheat because my exes cheated on me, it's just how I am, but I'm HAPPY WITH YOU?" and why would you happily accept this BS?

 

I am just afraid of everything happening will eventually push him to do whatever just to get out of the situation.

So please tell me why you would want to stay in "the situation" with someone who would do that?

 

Sounds like you're in extreme denial.

[Wiseman2]

Move out back to your mother's. Give him and his family the space they need. This is not working. Not because he's "cheating" but because it's a headache you don't need. The relationship is decaying because it's too stressful, not because of "cheating"

When he says he would rather be at work then home, he says that he is giving up.

[bluebell05]

It is a mess. Cause he is so back and forth with what he says. He says one thing but I feel he means something totally different. He does tell me he loves me and showa me. Im just confused with some things about what he has done in the past. He showed me the messages between his ex and himself to prove to me that he was done with her. I'm just concerned about the ex that he was married to for 8 or 9 years. He keeps talking bad about her but that could just be his way on putting up a good front so I don't know what's going on

[bluebell05]

He lied to me about cheating on me cause he wanted his ex back. This was the first time we were together. I moved out and with my mom. Then he contacted me after a month and a half and told me I was right about everything with what would happen with bringing his ex back.

[Hermes]

Anyone bad-mouthing an ex is himself bad news.

 

Your instincts are sound. Go with them. This is not good.

[Wiseman2]

It's time to do that again. You don't trust him and the house is chaos.

I moved out and with my mom.

[bluebell05]

Well I mean he tells me why would he want to be with the ex that drug him down to have nothing again. I guess she was bad with money and finances and they lost things. She forced him into have a baby with her when he didn't want..... he said it was bad all the way around. So I might just be paranoid from what he did to his ex he left me for the first time.... it's just sticking with me and it runs in the back of my mind that he will do the same thing.

[bluebell05]

I can't move with my mom. Cause of the way I left when I started seeing him again. I left on bad terms.

[Wiseman2]

Leave the relationship. You moved into this mad house after TWO DAYS of knowing him. It's time to cut your losses. Are you homeless/jobless is that why you can't move out of there?

I can't move with my mom. Cause of the way I left when I started seeing him again. I left on bad terms.

[bluebell05]

Yes I would be. It's not easy and we have been together over a year. It will be 2 years may 2nd.. so I mean we lasted this long. It's just gotten crazy since his son is here and don't give a hoot about anything. He leaves messes and doesn't clean up after himself and he is very disrepectful to me and his dad.. I pay my share in the house. I deep down feel there is nothing going wrong with the relationship. It's everything going on around us that is putting us in a difficult situation. Sometimes I wonder if he still with me cause he needs me. This morning he said without the van he gave me he wouldn't be able to get to and from work. I take him to and from work. I do most of the stuff around here. If I don't do it nothing geta done

[bluebell05]

When I first moved in it was only his daughter and her daughter. Along with my daughter and her boyfriend at the time.

[bluebell05]

It turned into a mad house when his son moved in... my daughter is with her father for the school year

[Wiseman2]

Move out. You're not married...it's going nowhere and you are complaining and complaining and unhappy.

It turned into a mad house when his son moved in.

[bluebell05]

It's not that I'm unhappy. It's just that I don't know what to do about the situation. Our relationship is good. It's has,nothing to do with that. It's just everything going on around us

[Hermes]

Re-read your OP please Bluebell:

 

"I feel my boyfriend might be doing something behind my back. He has lied to me by telling me he cheated on me when he wanted his ex back the first time we were together. But when I bring it up he says it's the past and to leave it the past. I just don't know what the signs would be if he was or could how he is acting be something else? We have been together over a year and he claims to be happy and I don't give him a reason to cheat but he says his exs taught him how he is cause of how they were with him and they both cheated on him. I just don't know what to think."

 

You know darn well what to think. But you refuse to face it. The others are giving good advice. Just take it, and get out of this lunatic asylum.

[bluebell05]

It is easier said then done when you love someone. It's not about him. It's just situation is a mess. It was calmer last summer when hardly anyone was around. My daughter and her boyfriend lived with us along with his daughter and her daughter. This year my daughter wanted to try something new and stay with her dad this scool year and his son moved in. And that is when all the problems started. A year ago today I moved back in with my boyfriend and he was for getting married when we first got back together and he was strating to back down. But he has been talking more about it. For valentine's day he accepted a promise ring from me... I also got him an eternity ring.... and he is the type of guy if he wasn't ready he wouldnt accept it. I'm just gonna ride it out and see what happens. I guess that is the only option I have at the moment.

[Hermes]

Sorry, Bluebell, but it is about him.

 

You said so yourself:

 

Repeat:

 

""I feel my boyfriend might be doing something behind my back. He has lied to me by telling me he cheated on me when he wanted his ex back the first time we were together."

 

It isn't about the presence or not of other people. That is just incidental as to whether he is as you say yourself "doing something behind your back".

 

Btw did he give you a couple of rings too. Just wondering.