Saying "no" at work?

[Saures]

We work in teams in my office, this is so that we can work efficiently and support each other, this also means covering people at work is a lot easier should someone fall ill or be on annual leave.

 

I have a problem with my boss, I currently suffer from mental health issues and I wouldn't fall short to say that my boss is a bully, she has previously made comments about people with mental health as well as making comments about another work colleague in which she suggested she had a disability.

 

On rare occasions, I have to step in for someone else's team and cover when a specific person is on annual leave (there is someone else who is fully capable in their team but the reason they do not do it is "because they don't want to"). This involves working closely with my boss. On one of these days where I need to cover, I became so anxious, upset and distressed I couldn't go in to work and had to have the crisis team visit my home, at first I had no idea what it was but after thinking long and hard, I realised it was the aspect of working with my boss. I addressed the issue with them at work and I still have to do the job, but I do not have to be in the same room as my boss.

 

I want to say no and tell them I am not happy to continue covering for their team. Not just because of my mental health, but because I have my own huge work load I need to be able to cover and as I work in administration, it effects the entire team, not only this but I am training up a new member of staff in our team as well as having been asked recently to deal with all training of new staff. I am a hard worker, I always help out my colleagues and stay late, work through my lunch etc. But this is one thing that I just do not feel comfortable doing.

 

There is someone in their team who would be able to cover the work, but she has point blank refused to do it, she has not tried the job out once, it has always fallen to me to do, so my work and my colleagues feel the brunt of it.

 

Am I in the right to say no, can anyone advise me on how to go about telling them I no longer want this responsibility and want to focus on my own work, along with training people? What should I do if they say "Sorry, but you're still going to have to do it"?

 

I have never refused to do any form of work in any of my work place and this is a huge thing.

 

Also my boss is THE boss, they own the entire company, so I cannot go to anyone above her and discuss my concerns.

[Gary Snyder]

Can you keep your health issues to yourself? Or is the cat already out of the bag? It's nobody's business at work, including your boss.

[rosephase]

Do you like your job? Because if THE BOSS was someone I didn't want to work with at all I would be looking for new work.

 

If you want to try and stick with it (why? You could find a job that won't cause an emotional crisis every time you work with the person in charge) I would suggest pointing out your new duties of training. You were handed new responsibilities and you want to make sure you are taking care of them. Point out that someone who isn't training new folks could be covering and it would probably be best if it was someone from their own team. If you want extra credit offer to train the person who will be covering that aspect from now on.

[gebaird]

The problem with outright refusing is that they could outright fire you. I would talk to the boss and express your concerns (keeping the discussion more focused on work processes than personal challenges with anxiety). If they listen and make changes, great. If not, start searching for a different job and leave on your own terms.

[Saures]

Can you keep your health issues to yourself? Or is the cat already out of the bag? It's nobody's business at work, including your boss.

 

Unfortunately yes, we are a very small business, so gossip is frequent. On the last occasion where I physically unable to attend work due to the stress of working with the boss, I was getting a lift with a colleague and they had to take me to my GP, and my manager had to be made aware of the situation, I also spoke with her in confidence afterwards about what had happened.

 

 

I love the work I do, I enjoy the work I do immensely but I do not love or feel passion for the company like I used to, I am actively seeking alternative employment and actively applying, but I still have to be offered a job and hand in a minimum 4 week notice period, so I am a very long way off leaving my role, which is a shame as I do enjoy the company of my colleagues and absolutely love the work I do, but I know for my health and happiness within the work place, I do need to leave.

 

Yes, my anxiety plays a massive part in the work I have to cover, but I have worked very hard to try and overcome it, but with the state of my mental health it is very difficult to put it aside and focus on work. I am also concerned about my work load, I think I am just very worried that I am going to be making a huge fuss of not doing that specific role only for them to turn around and say "Sorry, but you're doing it anyway" and I would have no idea what to say in that situation. I never turn down work or say I am unable to do specific roles, I just feel in ways I may be taken advantage of because I am known in the office as always being happy to help.

[rosephase]

Unfortunately yes, we are a very small business, so gossip is frequent. On the last occasion where I physically unable to attend work due to the stress of working with the boss, I was getting a lift with a colleague and they had to take me to my GP, and my manager had to be made aware of the situation, I also spoke with her in confidence afterwards about what had happened.

 

 

I love the work I do, I enjoy the work I do immensely but I do not love or feel passion for the company like I used to, I am actively seeking alternative employment and actively applying, but I still have to be offered a job and hand in a minimum 4 week notice period, so I am a very long way off leaving my role, which is a shame as I do enjoy the company of my colleagues and absolutely love the work I do, but I know for my health and happiness within the work place, I do need to leave.

 

Yes, my anxiety plays a massive part in the work I have to cover, but I have worked very hard to try and overcome it, but with the state of my mental health it is very difficult to put it aside and focus on work. I am also concerned about my work load, I think I am just very worried that I am going to be making a huge fuss of not doing that specific role only for them to turn around and say "Sorry, but you're doing it anyway" and I would have no idea what to say in that situation. I never turn down work or say I am unable to do specific roles, I just feel in ways I may be taken advantage of because I am known in the office as always being happy to help.

 

It sounds like you are doing all the right things! I'm sorry that doesn't fix it all right away, but you'll get there. Focus on getting out. Don't worry about bucking the system at this point. If they say "no only you can do it" then you do it one more time and know that you are going to find a healthier place soon.

[Saures]

It sounds like you are doing all the right things! I'm sorry that doesn't fix it all right away, but you'll get there. Focus on getting out. Don't worry about bucking the system at this point. If they say "no only you can do it" then you do it one more time and know that you are going to find a healthier place soon.

 

I was torn between either just getting on with it, or at least making my concerns known and it is getting to the point where I would prefer to at least try as I do like my job and I would like to stay longer and if I stay quiet my only option is to leave and I would be disappointed if I left without even trying to make me feel more comfortable and efficient at work. Our employee care is not great, our thoughts, opinions and suggestions aren't taken very seriously. This is a huge thing for me as I have always just done what has been asked of me at work, if for some reason they still insist I go in, I've been running through my head what I could say in response, not just to argue my point further but just to raise the point employees aren't taken in to consideration, so maybe after I leave, if this does happen again the employee being faced with it has a bit more consideration for them.

[Saures]

I guess I am just seeking a bit of encouragement, I haven't gone into excessive detail but I just wanted to know whether people thought I was being pathetic, or whether I was right to maybe at least raise concerns and put forward ways in which this could be changed and addressed, so mine and others work is not effected, what do you guys think?

[Matt3939]

Unfortunately this is work even though you have relationships with people at work it's still work at the end of the day. People will walk over you in some situations or pretend to be your friend if it suits them. Yes you can have close friends at work also but you have to deal with the above. Don't let people fool you.

 

3 ways you can deal with this.

 

You can have a pity party and get somone to tell you it will be fine.

 

You suck it up do your job.

 

You tell them no and let the cards fall.

 

It doesn't sound like you enjoy your work. Many people don't but you shouldn't be miserable either. Keep looking for a different job if it causes you this much stress. Or deal with the issue if you think this situation is going to follow you. Good luck

[Moontiger]

There are ways to do no at work but you have to word it very carefully. Example, "I'm completely swamped right now so I won't be able to do that."

 

More subtle "I can help this time, however being pulled away from my work is very disruptive so in the future I will only be able to cover if it's an emergency."

 

Or, "I've noticed when Jane is out I am often asked to cover for her. I'm happy to help out occasionally but this is unsustainable for me, what can we do in the future instead?"

[catfeeder]

I would raise the two issues: training someone and the extra workload and ask which of the two someone else can take on.

[Seymore]

there is someone else who is fully capable in their team but the reason they do not do it is "because they don't want to"

 

I have had people heap stuff on me at work and blatantly say this. It's bewildering how some people got to their position with an attitude like that.

 

YOU, however, have a reason - your own work. I think you have every reason to stand up for yourself and tell your boss you can't cover because you have X, Y and Z to do already, and ask them to put little miss "I don't want to" on it.

 

The boss at my company has come to me and said "Oh I need you to do A and B", while I'm already doing the rest of the alphabet for them. I've gotten into the habit of saying something like "Which would you like me to work on - A and B or C-Z?" and tell them I have too much on my plate to do everything.

 

Your job is just that...YOUR job. Another person's job is THEIR job, and it is either up to them to do it or have someone cover them if they can't. It's not your responsibility. And if you get fired for not doing someone else's job, I'm sure a lawyer could help you there.

[thejigsup]

Good luck with a lawyer. You would have to have several of your coworkers verify that what you say is happening is really happening. Not too many people will put their jobs on the line for you. Look up going to court with the employment laws in your state. They don't have to prove squat. You have to prove things actually did happen. Not easy.