What should be my next move? Tricky Situation.

[CaliSunrise]

Ex girl broke up with me 5 months ago (dated 5 years). She contacted me every month saying she wanted to meet up be friendly etc. I denied almost every time except a month ago I agreed to meet her. We talked about how each others lives were going and she basically said hers has been a mess since I was gone. She said she wanted me in her life so we talked vaguely about being FWB, didn't talk about getting back together. I was feeling okay so I agreed to being "fwb".

 

2-3 weeks go by and I start to feel weird and sad realizing just how much I really have changed for the good and how much I want her back if only she would give me a chance. I was about to let her know how I felt and was going to ask her how she felt about trying again since so much has changed and if we couldnt try again I was going to cancel being friends because it makes me feel like its easier for her to move on if I'm her friend but would maybe get her to try again if I'm out of her life.

 

But then just about the same day I was going to ask to try again, someone close to her passed away. This was two weeks ago and she has been a mess ever since. I told her I'm here for her if she needs anything and offered to help her and she replied saying "You're a good man ty for caring even after all this time. I'll always love you and I'll always be your friend and when the time is right we will meet up and get food and talk absolutely but right now is not a good time".

 

Now I'm stuck in limbo missing her, wanting to let her know how I feel about wanting to try again, or telling her we cant be friends. Now I'm just waiting for her to contact me. I don't know where her at heads or if I should just try to be friends and warm her up to the idea of trying again or just telling her now or waiting. I don't know what to do right now giving the circumstances.

[Matt3939]

If you care for her sounds like you do. Just make it known you are there for her. Somone passing effects everyone different. I wouldn't push the issue it's more a time for her.

[nihongo]

Don't do anything. She's going through a lot with the loss of a family member and telling her your feelings now will make it complicated and push her away. Just keep yourself busy in the meantime. How do you think the relationship will be different the second time around? What was the breakup about?

[Wiseman2]

You contacted her and this was the reply. Given the circumstances, wait for her to contact you.

now is not a good time

[CaliSunrise]

Don't do anything. She's going through a lot with the loss of a family member and telling her your feelings now will make it complicated and push her away. Just keep yourself busy in the meantime. How do you think the relationship will be different the second time around? What was the breakup about?

 

We broke up two years ago and I promised her I changed and promised I would stop going out drinking, ignoring her fighting with her etc. She left because she was fed up with my actions. We had a rocky relationship because of me (but also a very deep loving one filled with fun too) but now I feel totally different. I got help and bettered my life in all aspects. I'm truly a different person now I just want to settle down and treat her right and take care of her. I'm just trying my best to get one more chance to prove to her that I've changed and things will be much better this time around.

 

You contacted her and this was the reply. Given the circumstances, wait for her to contact you.

 

I'm going to wait, I just don't know how long I can wait. I hate this feeling.

[Capricorn3]

I'm going to wait, I just don't know how long I can wait.

You wait for as long as it takes. She told you upfront that now is not a good time. Respect her wishes and give her space. Whenever SHE is ready, it is up to her to get in touch, IF she still wants to. Until then, back off and leave her be.

[CaliSunrise]

You wait for as long as it takes. She told you upfront that now is not a good time. Respect her wishes and give her space. Whenever SHE is ready, it is up to her to get in touch, IF she still wants to. Until then, back off and leave her be.

 

I'm going to wait I'm just worried. When we agreed to be "friends" a month ago she only contacted me once to help her move something about a week and a half after we agreed to be friends and start doing things. About 2 weeks later I heard nothing from her so I was going to say forget it or just ask her for another chance and then that death happend.

 

I just feel she wants to be comfortable knowing I'm there so she can move on easier. I feel she's doing this subconsciously because it's been harder on her mentally knowin I'm not there, she said she couldn't even date other people because she felt weird.

 

So now the longer I wait around the easier/faster she might feel much better and start being with other men.

 

Maybe I'm just thinking too much. I just really want another chance I don't want to blow it.

[Wiseman2]

Your theory is that hovering around will prevent her from finding someone else and moving on?

So now the longer I wait around the easier/faster she might feel much better and start being with other men.

[CaliSunrise]

Your theory is that hovering around will prevent her from finding someone else and moving on?

 

No,the opposite.

[Wiseman2]

Oh ok, you want her to miss you, not hold her hand while she moves on?

No the opposite.