My marriage may be coming to an end :(

[ohheyyy89]

I am 26 and my wife is 25. I'll give you a bit of history about my marriage. We have been married since October 2015 and got married a year after we had started our relationship (quick, yes, I know, typical lesbian move.) I am currently in the military and we have lived about 2 hours away from each other throughout our whole marriage/relationship. Things were great for the first year. No fighting, we respected each other, our families got along. It was simple and easy. I have a pretty big family and I am very thankful for that. She, however, does not. She lives with her mom and dad and has no siblings and no cousins. She has one alcoholic uncle on her dad's side and one alcoholic aunt on her mom's side. Her last grandparent passed away last August. All she has is her mother and father. Sadly, we have never lived together throughout our whole marriage (except for one week). I had told her how hard it is being with someone in the military, you have to sacrifice a lot and I'm sure if there's anyone out here that has been in the military or married to someone can agree with me on this one. She said she understood and it wouldn't change anything, she wanted to be with me. Also, she has not gone to school or started a career yet, I know she was really wanting to go to school for hair and makeup. Anyways, I will be moving to Hawaii for my new military assignment in January 2017. We had both picked this place when I had the option to reenlist. I thought everything was going to be fine and we were going to move together of course. That doesn't seem to be the case now.

 

So let me start on the issue. Like I've said, we've been married since October of 2015. We have not lived together at all except for one week. I still look back and don't exactly remember her excuse as to why she didn't want to move in yet. I was patient. She had said she will move in the spring some time. That didn't happen, now it was going to be June. June comes around and slowly she starts moving stuff, still not officially moved in. Couple days here and there. She finally gets an interview at a place on the military installation where I live and gets a call back that she has got the job. She puts her two weeks in at a retail store she's been at for about 6-7 years, she loves working there. A few days pass and she texts me saying that she doesn't want this new job and if I'm okay with her just living here during the week and taking back her old job on the weekend. I feel let down, once again. I have a lot of resentment towards her at this point sadly. So Monday comes (Aug 1) and she arrives to our home, we sit down to talk and she starts telling me this, "Now I don't want you to get upset but just hear me out," now my heart is pounding, "I really want to go to school for cosmetology and I found a few great schools, one is two weeks, and the other is 2 months. I want to go to school before Hawaii and also work at Sephora or Mac for 4 or 5 months before I go." At this point, my gut is telling me she's not going to come. I have been so patient with her all this time but I keep getting let down. It's always some type of excuse. I want her to accomplish her dreams and goals of course. I asked her why not go to school while we still have a few months and then get a job in Hawaii? She came up with the excuse that it would be easier to get a job out here and transfer. I try to understand her, I really do, but all of this just seems like a whole bunch of excuses. I believe if you're married you'd do anything to be with that person, if you truly love them. She knows I'll support her and help her with school and all that, we're married, I'd do anything to help her. My gut is telling me that she's not going to come out. I even asked her how confident she was about coming to Hawaii after those 4-5 months after working at MAC or Sephora and she said she wasn't 100% sure when she would because it wasn't that time yet. I feel so betrayed and depressed. Was this real at all? Was I blinded by love? We agreed to taking a week and a half break from not seeing each other and no contact. This started yesterday afternoon. She also brought all her stuff back to her mom's house with her. She is officially moved out. I feel so lost and confused, I thought this person loved me but I feel like now that reality is kicking in, she's backing out. It's not fair to me and I know I don't deserve to just be with someone because it was convenient for her at the time. The problem is I think that her parents may be holding her back. She feels wrong for leaving them I feel like but it's affecting our marriage. If this were just a relationship it would be a lot different, but it's not. I feel like she has some major commitment issues. I am in love with her but both of us are not happy at the moment. Has anyone been in a similar situation like this? Please, any in-site would help.

[Wiseman2]

This sounds like the real reason for all the stalling. Rather than the side convos of Hawaii vs cosmetic school, try to get to the heart of the matter with her.

The problem is I think that her parents may be holding her back. She feels wrong for leaving them I feel like but it's affecting our marriage.

[ohheyyy89]

I agree. I feel like she's afraid of hurting my feelings so she makes up excuses that sound logical as to why she should stay back for a while. I will definitely try to get to the heart of the matter though, I know it's eating her up inside..