How do I deal with this, can barely talk to him

[laroness]

I've got a crush. I know he is off limits, and I shouldn't date right now anyway (separated, getting a divorce). I've dealt with the initial rush of pain that nothing can come of it. There is no way that I am going to totally avoid him. We come into contact several days a week. I have real, legitimate reasons that I have to talk to him. Heck, I just want to talk to him (nice that I don't have to make up reasons).

 

But I get tongue tied. I look at him, and then all I want to do is look at him, but if I did that would lead to potential awkwardness. So I forget to ask the questions I need to ask, and sometimes I avoid him because I'm scared what I feel will show. I don't want him to know I see him this way because I think he would be so kind to me about it, and that's almost worse than rejecting me cruelly.

 

I want to be relaxed around him. Does anyone have any tips on how I could manage that. I'm half afraid he will be able to read the feelings just through casual eye contact. Eyes...I could drown in his.

 

Is this a sort of rebound attraction? One day I want to find someone that makes me feel what I feel around this man. Maybe someone that looks like him, too. In otherwords, a twin that is not off limits.

 

Laroness

[SLBG]

Well really all you can do is be yourself.

 

Now if you are friends then the friendship isnt worth loosing.... Although he is currently off limits you do not no what the future holds.

[tanned_production]

Just remember that he is off limits... but with the hope that it may not always remain this way.

 

just be friends with him... be there for him, hang out with him and have fun. show him how great you are!

[SilverManic]

Try not to get depressed about it either because it will just make you feel bad about yourself and you really don't want to end up doing that, trust me! Sort out your problems first and then think about dating. I think it would be bad for you to date in your current situation. Work on being you first. Be yourself and leave the future open.

Good Luck.

~S.

[tiger_lilies]

Isn't having a crush super annoying?!? Especially when you know it won't go anywhere?

I am right there with ya babe! It kills me to have to see my guy for a split second every morning, drown in his beautiful smile and ice blue eyes...(gush)!

[laroness]

We are friends, just not the kind that goes and does stuff together (not yet anyway). Honestly, I don't really know him very well, if I did then I might feel differently. If nothing else, he certainly is a decent person, and I would be overjoyed to know him better.

 

It is annoying to have this crush...maybe it is uncomfortable sometimes...but if there was a pill or a shot for getting rid of a crush, I would not take it. Makes of *that* what you will.

 

Here's a line from the manga and anime "Fruits Basket."

"Just be yourself. You'll be fine." - Tohru's deceased mother. It applies to lots of situations, huh.

[tanned_production]

i know you're probably having a hard time dealing with it... but try doing things to get your mind off of it... go out and do things, hang out with friends. best cure

[laroness]

Avoiding him won't make it easier to talk to him when I need to. I'm a champion of ignoring things, and pretending I didn't have trouble talking to him did nothing. I need to face it.

 

He knows I'm a bit shy, and that I don't like being that way. I'm going to try again tonight. I have a couple questions for him, anyway.

[tanned_production]

I dont mean avoid the situation completely... i was just thinking it might be good for you to go out and do things... more clear your mind that anything.

 

but do what you think is right. im just speculating.

[laroness]

I dont mean avoid the situation completely

 

I didn't think you did. It was just a general response to the application of distractions. If I did have friends to do stuff with, I gladly would, but the few friends I have are really busy right now, are away in college, or they live 6 hours away. Some social interaction with people other than my family might be nice. Might even help me talk to the guy, I am somewhat isolated right now.

[tanned_production]

that sounds like a good plan.

if you ever need support, pm me. im always around!

best of luck

[joe45]

ur friends with this guy lol how hard can it be to talk to him.

[laroness]

As I said, joe, we aren't yet the type of friends who go out and do stuff. He helped me deal with some things and he really didn't have to.

 

I never said I held a deep understanding of the emotional stuff. How hard can it be to talk to him? You have no idea. I don't get it either.

[joe45]

then he's more of an aquitance then . did u apporach him first or did he approach u first-the first time u guys met.

 

u now the ladies have to initate sometimes too ya now.

[joe45]

he off limites u shouldn;t even be pursuing him- that is he has gf or wife. jsut be friends and all. work should be kept proefssional

[laroness]

I'm not pursuing him. There really are legitimate reasons for us to interact. I don't expect a relationship. I just want to be comfortable talking to him.

[laroness]

I guess I should also say that it is hard for me to talk with people I don't know very personally. That can't be helping. It certainly hasn't made it any easier to make friends with anyone.

[tanned_production]

im not sure how much advice we can give you hun... i think deep down you know what you need to do, and how you're going to do it.

 

keep us updated.