2 week break

[SHealer]

Hey guys, i'm new on the forum. Here's the thing, me and my gf have been having a lot of fights because of me, and recently, about 2 weeks ago we had a bad one and the next day she left for a trip she went on for 8 days and when she came back it was just like we left it off, not ok.

 

She says she still loves me and is happy with me but she doesn't feel good around me. We decided to take a 2 week "pause" for her to be able to clear her mind and figure everything out. I really madly love her and don't want to loose her, because i know it's my fault. The thing is i kept telling her at every big fight that it'll be ok, but did nothing to change things, while she was away i worked on bettering myself.

 

Since she's back we've been hanging out together, at her place, mine, it's been ok, sleeping together cuddled, but she keeps telling me it's not ok. But i see her smile and feel good and enjoying everything, but i think she's afraid.

 

Now my question is: how should i proceed, because what happens in the next 2 weeks will shape the outcome of our relationship.

[Billie28]

What exactly is your fault?

You being you and not who she wants you to be?

Really?

 

Sounds like she needs to realise your incompatibility and stop demanding you to be the person she wants you to be and actually end the relationship and find "him"

 

Stop being a doormat.

[SHealer]

I'm not a doormat. She didn't pin the fault on me, i stopped to realize what i'm doing. I've been picking fights over virtually nothing and i overreact. I'm not that man. She admitted her fault too.

 

We've got an amazing connection. I've never had something like this with a girl before. If we would be incompatible i'd end it.

[Ms Darcy]

It sounds like there's great attraction but not compatibility. Unless you can stop picking the fights I don't think this relationship can last.

[Lester]

The only way to win arguments is not to get into one in the first place.

[SHealer]

Well that's my goal, to stop fighting over nothing. I just wanna be happy with her and enjoy life in general.

[Doc Blaze]

Hey guys, i'm new on the forum. Here's the thing, me and my gf have been having a lot of fights because of me, and recently, about 2 weeks ago we had a bad one and the next day she left for a trip she went on for 8 days and when she came back it was just like we left it off, not ok.

 

 

you are going to lose her or she might be one foot out already if you continue like this. What you have written here is a perfect example.

 

 

you were fighting, she got a break from you, came back to fight again...in the back of her mind she is probably doubting that you will change...

 

what was the last big argument about?

[SHealer]

I don't even remember what the last one was about, but since she came back we didn't argue at all, but she still seems mad about the last one or the last two(2 consecutive days before she left for the trip). I know what to do, more or less, for it to work, but she just seems tired. That's why i think this pause wil do good.

 

I'm thinking about talking to her about a no contact week so we both figure our things out.

[Wiseman2]

This doesn't sounds like a pause. It sounds like a bad fight that she's still upset about. How was it your fault and what changes did she want?

Since she's back we've been hanging out together, at her place, mine, it's been ok, sleeping together cuddled, but she keeps telling me it's not ok.

[SHealer]

It was my fault cause i told her to dance, cause i don't dace too much and she does, and i want her to be happy not hang around me at the table and not have fun. But then i got mad she doesn't stay with me... it's illogical, i know. And it seems she still calls me, and wants to talk.

[SHealer]

This is one example, cause the fight went out of control and past event began re-surfacing, and we both got mad.

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like an argument in a club drinking and getting jealous

i want her to be happy not hang around me at the table and not have fun. But then i got mad she doesn't stay with me.

[SHealer]

Some of our arguments do involve these things, but i wasn't really jealous of anybody, just wished she would want to stay with me some more i guess.

[Iggy5129]

Some of our arguments do involve these things, but i wasn't really jealous of anybody, just wished she would want to stay with me some more i guess.

 

But you told her to go dance?!? It's completely unfair to test people like that. You need to get a grip.

[SHealer]

I wasn't testing, totally not my intention.

[Matti Jr]

It takes two to make a relationship and two to break it. I never felt time apart fixed anything, but each couple is different.

 

How long have you been together? You have to realize one you're not going to change overnight no matter how hard you try. It takes months just to make new things we do in our lives routine. Two, how serious is the relationship? You could always try counseling to see what a unbiased 3rd party tells you.

[SHealer]

Today is our 6 month anniversary, for me it's serious and it is for her too i guess.

For now i would like to get her to detach herself from the negativity and just let me make her happy again while i'm working on what i have to work.

[SHealer]

And i've been experimenting a little. Seems that i have harsh reactions when i drink, if i don't like something.

[SHealer]

But the question now is how to get her to let go of that anger.

[SHealer]

She told me yesterday that sh's sad and thinks she's getting depressed because of other stuff that's happening in her life, i bought a wine bottle, a few cigarettes and went over to her place. Just went in and sat on the bed, she was really surprised, probably thought i'm crazy initially she said she doesn't want to drink, i told her to look at me and tell me she doesn't want to drink, she had 2 or 3 half glasses.

 

We talked about stuff, she cried.. it hurt me to see her like that, i didn't say anything about the breakup or getting back together, i just wanted to be there for her and told her it'll be ok.

 

Spent the night with her, slept hugging her and caressing her, didn't sleep to much. I asked her if she wanted me to leave(had to bike back to town) i didn't go to her placenecessarily thinking about spending the night.

 

We came together on the bikes into town, asked if she wanted to spend the night at my place, work's closer for her this way, she declined and said she doesn't want to talk to people or go out and it's not about not wanting to hand out with me.

 

I'm giving her some space but i still wanna be there for her. I wanna help her and pull her out of the depression state.

[jujusamples]

Hey guys, i'm new on the forum. Here's the thing, me and my gf have been having a lot of fights because of me, and recently, about 2 weeks ago we had a bad one and the next day she left for a trip she went on for 8 days and when she came back it was just like we left it off, not ok.

 

She says she still loves me and is happy with me but she doesn't feel good around me. We decided to take a 2 week "pause" for her to be able to clear her mind and figure everything out. I really madly love her and don't want to loose her, because i know it's my fault. The thing is i kept telling her at every big fight that it'll be ok, but did nothing to change things, while she was away i worked on bettering myself.

 

Since she's back we've been hanging out together, at her place, mine, it's been ok, sleeping together cuddled, but she keeps telling me it's not ok. But i see her smile and feel good and enjoying everything, but i think she's afraid.

 

Now my question is: how should i proceed, because what happens in the next 2 weeks will shape the outcome of our relationship.

 

I'm going to give you an unbiased opinion and non judgmental one! Taking a 2 week break isn't a bad thing. Sometimes a couple just needs that break. When I mean a break, it's means BREAK! Some time to think things through and maybe think of ways to better yourself as a person. Still spending time with each other is not a break.

 

When I was dating my husband, we did just that, a 3 week break! We were fighting lots and I was a bit stressed out about work and other problems. The thing is we don't even know why or what we were fighting about. He suggested the break because he needs time to clear his mind. All the fighting is reallly getting to him. It bothered me at the time because I had my fair share of relationships and always had the mindset of it it gets to that point, it's best to just break up. I didn't believe in the time apart. I guess I was afraid of the pain and my insecurites will get the best of me. So therefore never believed in a break, just straight up break up. This time around, I felt there was something different' with my husband. There is something I couldn't wrapped my head around at the time.

 

So I agree to the 3 weeks break, no contact whatsoever. Boy did I hear so many judgmental advice from friends and family. Of course, if they are my friends or family they are going to stick up for me and say all these bad things about my husband. Surprisingly I did not listen to any of that. I just have a good feeling about him, although I was hurting so badly at the time.

 

I then told myself, I'm going to use this time to my advantage as in, what could I do to make myself better. I took a MMA class, Mui Thai (kickboxing). That class is so intense, it didn't give me time to think of my husband. (which was good) I spent a lot of time doing things to clear my mind which is good for me.

 

With all that being said, we have agreed to meet at a certain date and time at a coffee shop in 3 weeks. The first meeting was awkward, still tension. We have taken it very casually for a few months. We managed to work out our differences. He proposed to me about 6 months after we reconciled. We still have our ups and down, but nothing like it was before the break.

 

Point is if you feel she is worth it, a break is not a bad thing. It gives you some time and space away from the relationship to give you better prospective on what you want. You could even figure out, maybe she's not for me, or the opposite, you may think she's the one. Sometimes it takes being away from the person to truly realize how much they mean or don't mean to you. At the time I so desperately wanted someone to give me an unbiased opinion but never got that and just followed my gut instinct. You have nothing to loose. If you continue the relationship the way it is (as in fighting all the time) there is a good chance it won't last.

 

I even asked my therapist about the break, and he said it's the best thing we probably did for the relationship. (I saw him after we got married for a different thing, but decided to ask about the break)

 

I hope you will take all this into consideration and for things to work out for you and your girlfriend. From what I've read, it seems like you guys really cared for each other. Give the relationship another chance. As in a clean break and start all over, from day one. Sometimes you need to take a step back to take 2 steps forward. Remember that, and good luck.

[SHealer]

She has somebody else

[Wiseman2]

Do you think this 6579921]She says she still loves me and is happy with me but she doesn't feel good around me.Is related to this?

She has somebody else

How did you find out?