I fell in love with this man, we hurt each other, and 5 years later he texts me.

[gingervixen]

So lemme give you some background:

5 years ago, when I went to Spain, I was 24 and met this guy who was 35. The compatibility was undeniable and automatic. Seriously, I used not to believe in love at first sight or the feeling you have found your soulmate or something like that, but with him everything just seemed right. That one month I spent in Spain was one of the best times of my life.

 

When I went back home, we would talk on Skype everyday, talk on the phone as well. Life was great but doubts began to spring to mind when we started thinking that pursuing such a relationship was unrealistic since we lived so far away. He was losing his enthusiasm but he kept talking to me. When I saw on his Twitter that he was dating other girl, I was crushed and called him out really badly, deleted him from everything and later on I regretted doing it, and when I tried to apologize and make amends, he told me I had hurt him and that it was too late. I begged and begged and begged for him to talk to me and make things just like they used to be, he would respond but I could see his attitude towards me wasn't the same anymore. After 1 year trying to make things work, I gave up trying to talk to him and promised myself I'd never talk to him again.

 

I didn't move on very easily. I spent the following year thinking about him almost everyday and crying almost every week. It was very very harsh, and I know I may sound pathetic right now but that's exactly what happened. It took me another year to completely heal, I began dating other guys but the feeling wasn't the same, I didn't feel the same enthusiasm and I could only consider myself 100% healed in 2015, when I started dating another guy and almost fell in love with him, but later on we broke up.

 

So every once in a while I'd still have nostalgic feelings about him, but the pain was gone, and I didn't exactly wanted to meet him again anymore. Last week I was actually thinking "wow it's been a while! But I am completely over it!"

 

Now today, I turn on my phone and the first thing I see is a message from him. I don't have his number anymore but he signed it with his name and it was a number from Spain. It only said "Hi, how are you? Kisses, [his name]".

 

I confess my heart almost skipped a beat when I saw that message. I honestly don't know what to do. After all this time, and all the times he ignored and despised my attempts to make my amends, right now when I'm completely over him he messages me. My cousin thinks he's a narcissist and like all narcissists he will look for some narcissistic supply when he doesn't have any. I used to agree with her but now I don't know anymore.

 

It's really difficult for me to ignore the message, tbh. When I promised to myself I'd never talk to him again, deep inside I hoped that one day he'd finally message me again. And this day came, but only 5 years later. I don't know if he still wants me or just wants to make fun of me, but I confess I am curious about his intentions. There's still a small part of me that wants to talk to him again. I haven't replied yet because I fear losing control of my emotions again, but at the same time I think I may be losing a huge opportunity if I just ignore him. Sometimes I think "what if everything works now?"

 

Has anyone here been through a similar situation? What would you do in my situation? Am I risking having my heart broken again? Is this worth the risk?

 

 

SUMMARY- 5 years ago, I Fell in love with a guy who lived in Spain. We dated, we both screwed up, I tried to make amends, he despised me and broke my heart. It took me years to recover from the pain. Right now when I'm completely healed, he messages me and I don't know what to do.

[Hollyj]

Your cousin is spot on!

 

Did he tell you that he had a girlfriend? If not, why the hell were you apologizing to someone who was lying and cheating on you???? Don't get that!

 

This guy popped back up because he is bored and wanted some attention - I would assume he is scrolling through a list of women he has scr*wed. if he is really lucky, you will foolishly fly back out to Spain and give him some sex.

 

He has shown you who he is. Don't you think it is time to listen! What type of opportunity would you have? C'mon.

 

If you respond, it will show how little value you have for yourself!

[Wiseman2]

I would reply 'i'm fine, why are you contacting me?'

It only said "Hi, how are you? Kisses, [his name]".

[Itchy]

I would reply 'i'm fine, why are you contacting me?'

 

I disagree, I wouldn't contact him at all. The OP doesn't even live in the same country, she hasn't heard from him in five years. Her time, effort and energy would be spent better served finding someone closer to home. She has this fantasy of this guy in her head based off a month in Spain and a year of having an Internet relationship. These manufactured feelings have stemmed from fantasy as far as I'm concerned and I think at the age of twenty nine she should perhaps realise this and move on with her life. She has nothing to gain from responding back to his message after five years and I can see a car crash happening and here back on here in pieces because things haven't worked out.