Coeur Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 My boyfriend and I got into a fight because he wanted me to wear revealing clothes, whereas I did not want to and didn't feel comfortable doing so. I asked him to stop bringing up the subject and he agreed. Yet a few minutes later he messaged me again about it and I got extremely angry because ever since we started going out, he has constantly been telling me what to wear and telling me to go to the gym to shape my body up. Now, in the beginning I was happy to go to the gym because I had wanted to be more toned so I agreed, yet now he constantly bugs me to do it even when I'm tired and aching. He got upset at me when I told him I wasn't going to do it anymore and begged me to not stop. He's currently ignoring me and I'm just so confused. I can't tell if I was wrong to react that way or if he's just trying to make me feel guilty on purpose. He has threatened to break up with me before because I wasn't 'loving' enough, which is complete bull as I was doing a lot of things to make him happy yet he told me he felt as if I wasn't putting anything into the relationship. I'm so tired of getting into fights about petty things, any advice on how to handle this situation? Link to comment
WithLove Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 He's very controlling. Do you really want to be with someone that controls how you look and what you wear?? Link to comment
Coeur Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 He told me this is his first relationship so I'm not sure if he's just inexperienced on how to treat girls or he actually is controlling :S Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Dump him you're not his property. Yes he's using guilt and stuff to manipulate you. He doesn't like you the way you are and that is just as big of a red flag as trying to micromanage your looks.he has constantly been telling me what to wear and telling me to go to the gym to shape my body up.He has threatened to break up with me before because I wasn't 'loving' enough Link to comment
Coeur Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 I guess I'll wait until tomorrow to see if he replies or anything and if he doesn't I'll just end it Quite scared because we have mutual friends and they might think I'm a bad person for ending it as they don't see this side of him Link to comment
DancingFool Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 How you handle this is simple - dump him. Also, never ever ever make excuses for horrible behavior. Who cares if this is his first or his 100th relationship, he is being a controlling, manipulative jerk and that is all you need to know about him. This is who he is. Don't ever put up with that kind of garbage from anyone. Getting mad and wrecking your own day and mood is pointless because you are not going to change who he is. The only way to change the situation is by removing people like that from your life promptly. Link to comment
ABCABC123ABC Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Just from what you're telling us, I'm assuming that you are still both young and immature. How long have you two been together? Anyway.. Like WithLove already stated about the controlling part, you should be careful about dating someone like this. It doesn't always happen, but more often than not, these relationships tend to become physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive down the road. I have no idea if you have been in a lot of relationships like this before, but it is definitely NOT considered normal. Another thing... It sounds like he is wanting you to change your body for his needs, when you should be wanting to do it for your needs. If you want to do it for your health and improving your self-esteem by improving your appearance then do that for you, not for some inconsiderate douchebag. My advice is to just move on. Link to comment
Coeur Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 I didn't realise I would get responses like this. I guess I never thought that I would get into a relationship with a manipulative person. I have been in relationships before, but they weren't as serious as this one. I say serious because I really felt like I loved this guy, even though he is really immature and we've been together for around 6 months. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Who cares, just say it wasn't working out.Quite scared because we have mutual friends and they might think I'm a bad person for ending it Link to comment
ABCABC123ABC Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 He told me this is his first relationship so I'm not sure if he's just inexperienced on how to treat girls or he actually is controlling :S You don't need dating experience to be a decent human being. A normal guy in his first relationship would bend over backwards to make his girlfriend happy. Link to comment
Coeur Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 You don't need dating experience to be a decent human being. A normal guy in his first relationship would bend over backwards to make his girlfriend happy. I didn't think of it that way... holy crap I've been delusional this whole time. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 He sounds like he wants to date a victoria's secret model, not a real girl. Does he look like a Calvin Klein underwear model? I highly doubt it Go & find someone who treats you like a princess, not a project he needs to "correct" Link to comment
qwaspolk82 Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 My boyfriend and I got into a fight because he wanted me to wear revealing clothes, whereas I did not want to and didn't feel comfortable doing so. I asked him to stop bringing up the subject and he agreed. Yet a few minutes later he messaged me again about it and I got extremely angry because ever since we started going out, he has constantly been telling me what to wear and telling me to go to the gym to shape my body up. Now, in the beginning I was happy to go to the gym because I had wanted to be more toned so I agreed, yet now he constantly bugs me to do it even when I'm tired and aching. He got upset at me when I told him I wasn't going to do it anymore and begged me to not stop. He's currently ignoring me and I'm just so confused. I can't tell if I was wrong to react that way or if he's just trying to make me feel guilty on purpose. He has threatened to break up with me before because I wasn't 'loving' enough, which is complete bull as I was doing a lot of things to make him happy yet he told me he felt as if I wasn't putting anything into the relationship. I'm so tired of getting into fights about petty things, any advice on how to handle this situation? You aren't wrong to tell him you don't want to do something. If he's trying to control what you wear and how you look, you better run now. It's only going to escalate and get worse. Next time he threatens to break up with you, say "ok." Oh and the "not affectionate or loving enough" bs. Yeah I used to hear that from my drug addict abusive ex. He would always deflect what he was doing wrong onto my lack of affection or PDA. He knew I had issues with that when he met me. This guy sounds like he's not worth the time. Link to comment
Vegancatlady Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 He should love you for who you are, not try and change you into a version of yourself HE wants. That's just not how loving relationships work! The behaviour sounds very controlling, and soon enough all of his nagging may result in self esteem issues on your part. And that's not fair for you. You should be with someone who loves you for who you are. Link to comment
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