Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Back in november I was starting to see a guy who I really liked. Things were going really great, and all of a sudden he got super distant. Finally I asked what was up and he told me he had a new GF now. Just like that. It really sucked. I didn't beg, I didn't plead, i was upset but let it go and initiated no contact. It felt terrible. I was strong for a while, but then had a weak moment at Christmas where I sent a message. He answered an hour or two later saying thanks, but that insecurity made me feel terrible. Thankfully, the people here on this forum gave me some much needed perspective change. The whole thing had sent me into a pretty strong depression for a bit. I bounced out of it stronger than before, but man.... Anyways, i had totally forgotten he existed, long having assumed he did the same about me. Then today, out of the blue, he texted me. I have no idea why. I had no idea who it was since I deleted the number a long time ago, and was being friendly at first. Then when he told me who it was I was more confused and surprised than anything else. We chatted for a little bit and I noticed he was trying to draw me into a deeper conversation. I remembered how bad I had felt before and finally said I had to go and have a good day. I was more surprised than anything during the conversation. I had TOTALLY forgotten he even existed by this point. I assumed he would never think of me again. I deleted his number and the texts from my phone. But now I'm starting to get irritated. Part of me wishes I had told him that he sucks and I don't care to hear from him ever again. Part of me wishes I had realized who it was initially, so I could just ignore it and continue NC. While i mentioned how he disappeared on me during our brief conversation, part of me is frustrated that I didn't just put him in his place. What would you guys do in this situation? What should I do if he messages me again? He made me feel terrible last year, there is no reason for me to ever see him again. Usually when i go NC, I never hear from them again, so this one (over half a year later), really threw me for a loop. What do I do from here if I hear from him again? Hopefully he doesn't message me again. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 So I take it his other relationship didn't work out? What did he say about that and what was his reason for contacting you? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Do nothing. He was probably just feeling you out to see how open you'd be to maybe indulging in a little sumpin/sumpin since he treated you like dung but you contacted him anyway he thought he'd open that door a little wider in case he needed to walk back through. Just ignore any further attempts at contact if he should knock again and don't let him do anything to your ego. Banish him from your thoughts. Link to comment
Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 So I take it his other relationship didn't work out? What did he say about that and what was his reason for contacting you? Not sure, he said just that he was thinkign about me and decided to contact me. Confusing since i literally haven't thought about him in like 5 months lol. Link to comment
Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Do nothing. He was probably just feeling you out to see how open you'd be to maybe indulging in a little sumpin/sumpin since he treated you like dung but you contacted him anyway he thought he'd open that door a little wider in case he needed to walk back through. Just ignore any further attempts at contact if he should knock again and don't let him do anything to your ego. Banish him from your thoughts. I think you are right. He's definitely feeling me out. I have a strong urge to tell him that he's not worth my time if he messages me again. But just ignoring him is probably the best method to re-erase his existence from my world LOL Link to comment
burlesquebeaut Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Don't think too much into it... I've had this happen with several men. I've deleted their number, moved on, and completely forgotten about them. Then a year or more later, some random text. They're usually bored, going through a rough patch with their current partner, need an ego boost, etc. One of mine actually went into a whole "you're the best I've ever had; I miss you and I don't know what to do about it..." I mentioned it to acquaintances and here he was engaged at the time! He's probably testing the waters to see if you're still out there pining away for him... It's not your fault that you broke NC as you didn't know who it was, but don't initiate or reply to anything further. I think oftentimes people think back and wish they'd "put" someone "in their place", but it won't really accomplish anything or make him change. You did well by telling him you had to go, and then deleting everything. Just try not to over-analyze or think about it too much. He was a jerk before, I doubt he's changed. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 I think you are right. He's definitely feeling me out. I have a strong urge to tell him that he's not worth my time if he messages me again. But just ignoring him is probably the best method to re-erase his existence from my world LOL Why don't you block? Link to comment
Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 I would block his number. Yeah i already deleted it from my phone again so I cant go that route now. If he tries again though.. Link to comment
Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 the funny thing about it is i kinda feel like, in the long term, i won. Cause i walked away, healed, never gave another thought about it, and he somehow remembered and came crawling back LOL. what a loser Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Next time, ask who it is. Then, you can block the number. Don't interact with this guy any further. Dn't waste any more energy on him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 the funny thing about it is i kinda feel like, in the long term, i won. Cause i walked away, healed, never gave another thought about it, and he somehow remembered and came crawling back LOL. what a loser How did he come crawling back? He simply reached out for some attention, or a possible booty call. I wouldn't look into it more than that. You two dated a few weeks. Right? Please don't engage in any more convos. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 This sums it up quite well.the funny thing about it is i kinda feel like, in the long term, i won. Cause i walked away, healed, never gave another thought about it, and he somehow remembered and came crawling back LOL. what a loser Link to comment
Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Next time, ask who it is. Then, you can block the number. Don't interact with this guy any further. Dn't waste any more energy on him. Thank you. You are right. This was a tricky situation for me cause it's never happened before lol. I want to make sure I do the smartest thing going forward. The consensus seems to be not to waste any energy on him if he contacts again. I agree. Link to comment
Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 This sums it up quite well. haha it's funny how bad I used to hope he'd contact me again one day. And now he finally did and it was just pathetic. Life works in weird ways sometimes. Link to comment
Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Don't think too much into it... I've had this happen with several men. I've deleted their number, moved on, and completely forgotten about them. Then a year or more later, some random text. They're usually bored, going through a rough patch with their current partner, need an ego boost, etc. One of mine actually went into a whole "you're the best I've ever had; I miss you and I don't know what to do about it..." I mentioned it to acquaintances and here he was engaged at the time! He's probably testing the waters to see if you're still out there pining away for him... It's not your fault that you broke NC as you didn't know who it was, but don't initiate or reply to anything further. I think oftentimes people think back and wish they'd "put" someone "in their place", but it won't really accomplish anything or make him change. You did well by telling him you had to go, and then deleting everything. Just try not to over-analyze or think about it too much. He was a jerk before, I doubt he's changed. Thank you, this is just what I needed to hear! Link to comment
greta96 Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Yes, the smartest thing is to just ignore him if he messages again. Even if you deleted his number and can't block him anymore, you will easily know it's him because now you sort of know his writing style, and realistically how many people who are not in your phone's contacts are messaging you? So if/when you see his number again, block and be done with him. Don't fall into the trap of believing he's trying to come crawling back, because that's not what he is doing. A lot of men don't delete their contacts, especially females, so that they can go down the list later on if needed. His relationship must have not worked out, and since you didn't show healthy boundaries after he dumped you rudely and out of the blue, he thought there was a chance he could pull you in again, as a backup. Good for you for not allowing that to happen to you, nothing good ever comes from stuff like this. Link to comment
Reflections11 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Yes, the smartest thing is to just ignore him if he messages again. Even if you deleted his number and can't block him anymore, you will easily know it's him because now you sort of know his writing style, and realistically how many people who are not in your phone's contacts are messaging you? So if/when you see his number again, block and be done with him. Don't fall into the trap of believing he's trying to come crawling back, because that's not what he is doing. A lot of men don't delete their contacts, especially females, so that they can go down the list later on if needed. His relationship must have not worked out, and since you didn't show healthy boundaries after he dumped you rudely and out of the blue, he thought there was a chance he could pull you in again, as a backup. Good for you for not allowing that to happen to you, nothing good ever comes from stuff like this. Yeah... several months earlier he easily could have pulled me back in. LOL. Time is a great healer. My biggest dilemma was whether to put him in his place if he messaged me again, or just NC. Everyone seems to think NC is best so I will go with that. I didn't convey any interest in the short convo though, so maybe he wont even bother. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Well, you showed interest by engaging. He will be back. Just block when he reaches out. If someone treats you like this again, please do not engage. " several months earlier he easily could have pulled me back in." Link to comment
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