Ending a relationship like an adult?

[Ambush1002]

I've been seeing my boyfriend for a little less than 8 months now and I want to break things off with him. He's not done anything wrong, I just don't think we're compatible enough to move any further. I feel really sad about this because he is a great guy and I care about him very much; just not enough to fight past our many differing opinions, priorities and expectations.

So, how do I actually break things off? Before this relationship I'd been single for 5 years and I've left every ex either hating my guts or running screaming in terror. I've done a lot of growing up and finding myself and I'm adult enough to handle this in a way that leaves both of us some dignity. I guess I'm looking for the proper protocol. I expect his feelings will be hurt, as mine are. I'm not trying to soften the blow (getting dumped sucks) or be manipulative in any other way (blowing him off until he 'gets the picture', etc) just the best way to approach and have the conversation.

[JamesT2]

You want to dump a great guy who you care about really much, and who hasn't done anything wrong ? okay dokey.

 

What are the incompatibilities ? Marriage, children ? Or because he wants to make America great again and you're feeling the bern?

[Ambush1002]

Yes, he actually is a great guy and he hasn't done anything wrong. I care about him enough to let him find someone who is better suited for him.

Here are some of the incompatibilities...He's impatient, I am not. I am pro-active, he is not. He likes to plan and structure leisure time, I am more spontaneous. Cleanliness and organization in the home are very important to me but not at all to him. We are not entertained by the same things (he likes sports and poop humor I prefer dramas and reading) I am fiscally responsible and he is a spender....I could definitely go on and on.

I do not wish to change him; only to leave him as I found him. There is nothing wrong with who he is, he just isn't right for me. I'm confident that the warm feelings I have for him are not a sufficient foundation when there is little else to build on.

[Ms Darcy]

Ambush, you are very wise to end it. I would suggest that you ask to meet him at a coffee shop or some other public place and explain that you don't feel compatible enough to continue the relationship. I would try to keep the conversation relatively short.

[Ambush1002]

Thank you, Mrs Darcy for your practical advice. He's left some things at my home, should I gather it and bring it with me and return it to him after the conversation to avoid later difficulty? I've left a few things at his place as well, but nothing I'd have a hard time parting with, but I am positive he'll want his things.

[Ms Darcy]

I would bring his stuff with you in your car so you can give it to him right after the conversation.

[RainyCoast]

finally, one who would rather not waste either's time. we can die in peace now.

 

ambush, you've got a good head on your shoulders, you'll do just fine.