Will she take me back again?

[EvenInfinite]

So yesterday, my ex and I of 11 months broke up. She broke up with me. We have had a pretty good relationship, we love each other very much. Over the last 5 months, yes I know, a long time, we have been fighting a lot. But we couldn't ever bring ourselves to breakup with each other. That is until March. She broke up with me, we got back together the next day, then a week later she broke up with me again. But again, we got back together within a day or two. Yesterday we broke up because said she is not happy with me anymore and that I make her sad more than I make her happy. Our love for each other was so strong and I know she still cares about me, she even said it. But she also added, "it will fade with time". She blocked me on literally everything and said "I am serious this time, I've made me decision". But she was telling just 2 days ago how much she loves me and everything she loves about me and how she promises we'll make it to this December (when I was going to fly out to see her). I absolutely have to get her back, I know she still cares for and loves me. I think leaving her alone for awhile would be good. It would give her space and time to think and possibly miss me and come back to me. then again maybe go and find someone else and then it would be too late. Will she come back if I do no contact? Do you think she would come back a third time? Our one year anniversary is in 22 days by the way.

[Wiseman2]

This just sounds more like chronic unresolved conflicts and she may be right that the infatuation stage wearing off coincides with this. If she changes her mind again...try to get along better next time..

She broke up with me, we got back together the next day, then a week later she broke up with me again. But again, we got back together within a day or two.

[Sazkaz]

Hi EvenInfinte, I'm in a very similar situation. And I'm coming up to our 18mth anniversary.

 

We had a massive row last night despite everything being great since March. I'm having to give him some space so he can calm down and decide what he wants. But it's so hard when all you want is to be with that person and your whole being makes you want to do anything to make it all better.

 

Some people on here may tell you that you're better off letting go and moving on. I can't tell you that because I'm in the same boat as you but I can't judge what is right or wrong for you.

 

Give her some space and hang on in there. It's so difficult but I hope happiness finds you very soon.

[EvenInfinite]

Hi EvenInfinte, I'm in a very similar situation. And I'm coming up to our 18mth anniversary.

 

We had a massive row last night despite everything being great since March. I'm having to give him some space so he can calm down and decide what he wants. But it's so hard when all you want is to be with that person and your whole being makes you want to do anything to make it all better.

 

Some people on here may tell you that you're better off letting go and moving on. I can't tell you that because I'm in the same boat as you but I can't judge what is right or wrong for you.

 

Give her some space and hang on in there. It's so difficult but I hope happiness finds you very soon.

 

She deleted all the pictures she had of me on her Instagram and blocked me on everything. She didn't do that the last two times she broke up with me. So you honestly think that leaving her alone will help? She seemed pretty serious. Don't you think she'll forget about me and stop loving me. What if she actually moves on? Sorry for all the questions, I am just really scared.

[Wiseman2]

I wouldn't worry about her moving on, I would worry about this ever working out with all the break-ups.

She deleted all the pictures she had of me on her Instagram and blocked me on everything.

[EvenInfinite]

I wouldn't worry about her moving on, I would worry about this ever working out with all the break-ups.

I keep telling myself she'll probably come back because she did the last two times and we both live and care about each other a lot. But I also have a feeling I'm just setting myself up for sadness if she actually does move on.

[lostlove76]

Yesterday we broke up because said she is not happy with me anymore and that I make her sad more than I make her happy.

 

Can I ask what exactly makes her more sad than happy? I know you said you guys fight a lot, but about what? Also, how old are you two?

 

I broke up with my exbf a week and a half ago, for probably the 30th time in the past two years, for that exact reason - he makes me sad all the time. He keeps doing things that he knows hurts me (goes for days without calling, gets on a dating site, etc) and I've tried to drop him so many times, and couldn't ever make it stick until this time. Every time I got upset I would delete him off facebook and tell him I was done. I never wanted to be done; all I really wanted was for him to treat me better, but if he couldn't do that, then I needed to be done. I don't know if it's a similar circumstance with your girlfriend? If so, then maybe she just wants things to change, and she's frustrated and doesn't know what else to do but to try to get over you. Mine has called several times since I ended it, and I won't answer. What I really want is for him to step it up and be a better boyfriend, and prove to me that it's going to happen. And I like when he calls because it shows he cares.

 

Not sure if that helps at all to see it from the other side. If your situation is different, then just disregard the above.

[EvenInfinite]

Is there anyway I could contact you in message form? Like Instagram or something?

[EvenInfinite]

Can I ask what exactly makes her more sad than happy? I know you said you guys fight a lot, but about what? Also, how old are you two?

 

I broke up with my exbf a week and a half ago, for probably the 30th time in the past two years, for that exact reason - he makes me sad all the time. He keeps doing things that he knows hurts me (goes for days without calling, gets on a dating site, etc) and I've tried to drop him so many times, and couldn't ever make it stick until this time. Every time I got upset I would delete him off facebook and tell him I was done. I never wanted to be done; all I really wanted was for him to treat me better, but if he couldn't do that, then I needed to be done. I don't know if it's a similar circumstance with your girlfriend? If so, then maybe she just wants things to change, and she's frustrated and doesn't know what else to do but to try to get over you. Mine has called several times since I ended it, and I won't answer. What I really want is for him to step it up and be a better boyfriend, and prove to me that it's going to happen. And I like when he calls because it shows he cares.

 

Not sure if that helps at all to see it from the other side. If your situation is different, then just disregard the above.

 

Disregard my message above. Basically we fight a lot because I say things I don't mean when I am upset. I never go days without talking her. We talk on Skype every single day and have over 180,000 messages. I literally talk to her every second I can. I don't go on any dating sites, I hate to sound cocky but I am really loyal to her. And she is loyal to me. I think she is fed up with me and does want me to change, but I don't know how to show her I can. Around this time last year is when her and I started talking seriously and June 24th is out anniversary so maybe memories will come back to her and she'll message me. Should I leave her alone for a while? Or will she be able to move on soon? She always told me how much she loved me and we always talked about our life in the future, so I don't think she'll be able to move on for awhile. But when she says something she most always sticks to it. So I am thinking she is serious this time. What should I do, please help.

[Sazkaz]

She deleted all the pictures she had of me on her Instagram and blocked me on everything. She didn't do that the last two times she broke up with me. So you honestly think that leaving her alone will help? She seemed pretty serious. Don't you think she'll forget about me and stop loving me. What if she actually moves on? Sorry for all the questions, I am just really scared.

 

It is scary. That is a totally understandable feeling.

 

I can't guarantee she'll come back but leaving her alone will help by one of two ways- it gives her the space to work out that she loves you. Or, it gives you the space to accept what's happened and to live your life. Someone in another thread told me to not touch the frying pan whilst it's still hot. That was really helpful in helping me to see that I need to let things cool down before I iniate anything.

 

Just because she's blocked you etc doesn't mean she won't be thinking about you. Unless she's a robot, she'll still have feelings for you- but don't take that as a guarantee that she'll be back.

 

I honesty do feel for your pain at the moment- it is a horrible place to be in.

[EvenInfinite]

It is scary. That is a totally understandable feeling.

 

I can't guarantee she'll come back but leaving her alone will help by one of two ways- it gives her the space to work out that she loves you. Or, it gives you the space to accept what's happened and to live your life. Someone in another thread told me to not touch the frying pan whilst it's still hot. That was really helpful in helping me to see that I need to let things cool down before I iniate anything.

 

Just because she's blocked you etc doesn't mean she won't be thinking about you. Unless she's a robot, she'll still have feelings for you- but don't take that as a guarantee that she'll be back.

 

I honesty do feel for your pain at the moment- it is a horrible place to be in.

 

How long should I wait? I hate to ask so many questions, but I am just so scared. I love her so much and I feel so lost. We didn't talk at all today, and that's the first time that has happened since we've been together and I don't know what to do. I miss her and I want to tell her how I feel but I think that'd only make her more mad or upset. I'll wait awhile. But she's all I'm going to be thinking about, I need her back so bad.

[EvenInfinite]

It is scary. That is a totally understandable feeling.

 

I can't guarantee she'll come back but leaving her alone will help by one of two ways- it gives her the space to work out that she loves you. Or, it gives you the space to accept what's happened and to live your life. Someone in another thread told me to not touch the frying pan whilst it's still hot. That was really helpful in helping me to see that I need to let things cool down before I iniate anything.

 

Just because she's blocked you etc doesn't mean she won't be thinking about you. Unless she's a robot, she'll still have feelings for you- but don't take that as a guarantee that she'll be back.

 

I honesty do feel for your pain at the moment- it is a horrible place to be in.

 

I sound like such a whiner, but thinking about her never coming back literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just want to sleep until I 100% know the final final decision, and the way things will really go.

[abitbroken]

Disregard my message above. Basically we fight a lot because I say things I don't mean when I am upset. I never go days without talking her. We talk on Skype every single day and have over 180,000 messages. I literally talk to her every second I can. I don't go on any dating sites, I hate to sound cocky but I am really loyal to her. And she is loyal to me. I think she is fed up with me and does want me to change, but I don't know how to show her I can. Around this time last year is when her and I started talking seriously and June 24th is out anniversary so maybe memories will come back to her and she'll message me. Should I leave her alone for a while? Or will she be able to move on soon? She always told me how much she loved me and we always talked about our life in the future, so I don't think she'll be able to move on for awhile. But when she says something she most always sticks to it. So I am thinking she is serious this time. What should I do, please help.

 

Please leave her be. If she said she means it this time, she means it. It shows little respect for her if you hound her about it. If you decide to chase after her in every way possible, you may find yourself with a restraining order.

 

I"ll tell you what, I can talk about my future with a guy but the minute that the relationship will clearly not work out - I no longer have a future with him. It's done. Yes, she is fed up with you and she doesn't deserve mean things to be said to her. It wears one down. And she has gotten back together before with you and its the same old stuff. She deserves to be talked to respectfully, and sometimes saying rotten things scar and cannot be taken back - no matter if you mean them or not - you said them. Love is NOT enough when you are treated poorly. She decided that enough is enough. When you say rotten mean and angry things to someone - that does not demonstrate love at all.

 

The best course of action is to become more responsible for what comes out of your mouth - to not retaliate and cut people down in anger. Whether you need counseling, taking time to journal or note when you do these things, etc - whatever it is. It will never bring her back, but it will improve you as a person so that you will be a better friend to your friends , family member to your family and eventual boyfriend to another woman down the road. ]

[EvenInfinite]

Please leave her be. If she said she means it this time, she means it. It shows little respect for her if you hound her about it. If you decide to chase after her in every way possible, you may find yourself with a restraining order.

 

I"ll tell you what, I can talk about my future with a guy but the minute that the relationship will clearly not work out - I no longer have a future with him. It's done. Yes, she is fed up with you and she doesn't deserve mean things to be said to her. It wears one down. And she has gotten back together before with you and its the same old stuff. She deserves to be talked to respectfully, and sometimes saying rotten things scar and cannot be taken back - no matter if you mean them or not - you said them. Love is NOT enough when you are treated poorly. She decided that enough is enough. When you say rotten mean and angry things to someone - that does not demonstrate love at all.

 

The best course of action is to become more responsible for what comes out of your mouth - to not retaliate and cut people down in anger. Whether you need counseling, taking time to journal or note when you do these things, etc - whatever it is. It will never bring her back, but it will improve you as a person so that you will be a better friend to your friends , family member to your family and eventual boyfriend to another woman down the road. ]

But she said it was the real deal the past two times aswell. Her and I love each other a lot, I don't think I can let go of her.

[awmd]

But she said it was the real deal the past two times aswell. Her and I love each other a lot, I don't think I can let go of her.

You don't really have much of a choice but to let her go. She said it's over. It's over. If she decides in a couple weeks she wants to try again. You would be stupid to take her back. Cause in two months you'll be right back here crying about how she left again and what you can do to get her back this time. It's a never ending cycle.

Move on with your life, yeah it will take time and I know life sucks without her and all the typical stuff everyone says.

You only get so many days on earth. Don't waste days being sad, life goes on.

Crying and wining about a ty relationship isn't going to make her come back.

[abitbroken]

But she said it was the real deal the past two times aswell. Her and I love each other a lot, I don't think I can let go of her.

 

This time she blocked you. She is serious. It does not matter if you love eachother. Love is not enough for a relationship. You did not show her you loved her - you might have said it, but you called her terrible things. Who deserves that? There are people you can fall in love with, but after awhile, if you are not respected and you do not FEEL loved, but rather resented, etc, why the heck stay?

 

This is not about you and how much you can't let go of her, okay? Its about how she decided that she deserves to have a relationship where she is respected and cared for. She had enough. She came back thinking things would change, and they didn't. So stay the course of working on yourself and figuring out how you can grow into someone who says only what they mean.

[EvenInfinite]

You don't really have much of a choice but to let her go. She said it's over. It's over. If she decides in a couple weeks she wants to try again. You would be stupid to take her back. Cause in two months you'll be right back here crying about how she left again and what you can do to get her back this time. It's a never ending cycle.

Move on with your life, yeah it will take time and I know life sucks without her and all the typical stuff everyone says.

You only get so many days on earth. Don't waste days being sad, life goes on.

Crying and wining about a ty relationship isn't going to make her come back.

I only get so many days on earth, yes, but I want them to be with her. I can change for her, I'd do anything for this not to happen. It's just I don't know how to show her I can.

[abitbroken]

I only get so many days on earth, yes, but I want them to be with her. I can change for her, I'd do anything for this not to happen. It's just I don't know how to show her I can.

 

You need to change for YOU and your future life. Its basic human skills to be able to say what you mean and not say nasty things in anger. You are on a long road to estranged family members and broken friendships if you continue down that path. If you "show" her anything, be prepared for a restraining order. You will get over your feeling of needing to have all of your remaining days with her the longer you are apart from her. And who wants to be someone that they keep breaking up with or does not want them??

 

Sorry, she already gave you a second or third chance. Why should she give you another if you proved that this is "you" - this is who you are and you won't change?

[awmd]

I only get so many days on earth, yes, but I want them to be with her. I can change for her, I'd do anything for this not to happen. It's just I don't know how to show her I can.

You've never even met the woman. Most people who are in online or whatever you call them relationships end up being completely different in person.

[EvenInfinite]

And who wants to be someone that they keep breaking up with or does not want them??

Me, because I know she is only breaking up with me because of mistakes I am making.

[EvenInfinite]

You've never even met the woman. Most people who are in online or whatever you call them relationships end up being completely different in person.

This doesn't mean we can't love each other.

[awmd]

While I guess that can be true, if you did love her after she broke up with you for being an a hole and saying mean things. You would have changed.

 

Times have changed. Or maybe I'm just simple. But I don't understand how you can love someone you've never met.

Maybe you like having someone to talk to/with everyday, I can understand that.

Just seems like your awfully worked up over a relationship that never really existed

[EvenInfinite]

While I guess that can be true, if you did love her after she broke up with you for being an a hole and saying mean things. You would have changed.

 

Times have changed. Or maybe I'm just simple. But I don't understand how you can love someone you've never met.

Maybe you like having someone to talk to/with everyday, I can understand that.

Just seems like your awfully worked up over a relationship that never really existed

I really don't see how you can say it never existed. Physical contact and being together isn't the only thing that makes up a relationship.

[Matti Jr]

I beg to differ there, although you two were serious about you flying out to her and spending time together in person.

 

When you decide to make changes, you need to make them for yourself and also accept that they won't happen overnight. Change takes time. Then there are other things you simply won't be able to change about yourself and your partner will have to decide if it's something that can be worked with in the relationship or if it's going to cause a serious issue.

 

You're also all over the place right now because the breakup just happened. Cry it out, eat something yummy, watch some movies, read posts on here, etc. Ride the emotional rollercoaster.

[EvenInfinite]

I beg to differ there, although you two were serious about you flying out to her and spending time together in person.

 

When you decide to make changes, you need to make them for yourself and also accept that they won't happen overnight. Change takes time. Then there are other things you simply won't be able to change about yourself and your partner will have to decide if it's something that can be worked with in the relationship or if it's going to cause a serious issue.

 

You're also all over the place right now because the breakup just happened. Cry it out, eat something yummy, watch some movies, read posts on here, etc. Ride the emotional rollercoaster.

Thank you for the kind words and advice. But one thing no one has really answered is, how do I know when it's right to contact her? Or do I wait till she contacts me? And what do I do if she never does contact me?