Will she take me back again?

[Matti Jr]

That's tough for anyone to gauge except you. I've read a minimum of 2 weeks before attempting to contact an ex, but you should probably give her more time than that if you had short breakups previously. See if you can get to July without attempting to contact her. Do it for you though so you can get yourself sorted out.

[EvenInfinite]

That's tough for anyone to gauge except you. I've read a minimum of 2 weeks before attempting to contact an ex, but you should probably give her more time than that if you had short breakups previously. See if you can get to July without attempting to contact her. Do it for you though so you can get yourself sorted out.

Alright, I will try. I know I can make it, but my only thought is what if she finds a way to somehow move on by then. All I will be thinking until then is she may take me back, when in reality she probably won't. But I keep telling myself she will, which will only set me up for more heartbreak. I just don't want to mess up this process and ruin it. In tears right now listening to songs that remind me of her and looking at pictures of her. I just hope we can make things work like they used to.

[abitbroken]

She didn't break up over "something you did". That would mean she broke up with you because you accidentally ran over her foot, or you got drunk one time and never had before. She broke up with you because of your nature. You are someone who blurts out pretty rude things when you are mad and that's not a one time oops. If you guys are long distance, it takes a lot of effort to see eachother and why make an effort if someone is just going to make you feel bad??

 

Thank you for the kind words and advice. But one thing no one has really answered is, how do I know when it's right to contact her? Or do I wait till she contacts me? And what do I do if she never does contact me?

 

You have only been broken up for a few days. The focus is getting through tomorrow, and the next day and the next.

 

Alright, I will try. I know I can make it, but my only thought is what if she finds a way to somehow move on by then. All I will be thinking until then is she may take me back, when in reality she probably won't. But I keep telling myself she will, which will only set me up for more heartbreak. I just don't want to mess up this process and ruin it. In tears right now listening to songs that remind me of her and looking at pictures of her. I just hope we can make things work like they used to.

 

She has already partially moved on if she broke up with you. Someone has to move on a little in their mind/heart order to break up with someone. She already had a foot, or at least a toe out the door in order to break up with you. I am sure its hard on her too, but she woke up and realized she doesn't deserve the heartache of being spoken to poorly anymore. Do what you can to mature past that and don't ever contact her again.

[EvenInfinite]

She didn't break up over "something you did". That would mean she broke up with you because you accidentally ran over her foot, or you got drunk one time and never had before. She broke up with you because of your nature. You are someone who blurts out pretty rude things when you are mad and that's not a one time oops. If you guys are long distance, it takes a lot of effort to see eachother and why make an effort if someone is just going to make you feel bad??

 

 

 

You have only been broken up for a few days. The focus is getting through tomorrow, and the next day and the next.

 

 

 

She has already partially moved on if she broke up with you. Someone has to move on a little in their mind/heart order to break up with someone. She already had a foot, or at least a toe out the door in order to break up with you. I am sure its hard on her too, but she woke up and realized she doesn't deserve the heartache of being spoken to poorly anymore. Do what you can to mature past that and don't ever contact her again.

I'm not never going to contact her again. It's impossible. She means too much.

[lostlove76]

Hi again. Please do disregard my earlier post, as your situation is completely different from mine. I wondered if it might be similar, but having read your followup comments I can see that it isn't.

 

I know how you feel though! It's an awful feeling, what you're going through. I think the other posters are right and you're going to have to be strong and not contact her. If you do message her it could be perceived as annoying, and it also doesn't give her a chance to miss you, or a chance to think about things on her own. If you don't call/message, after a few days she might start to wonder hmmm, how did he give me up so easily? And it might make her reach out to you out of curiosity. There's no guarantee that will happen, but there's a better chance for it if you don't message than if you do. In the meantime, you might need to gather your strength in accepting that it could be over, and try to detach emotionally.

 

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but as I said before, I'm refusing to talk to my exbf. But it doesn't mean I don't still care or that I don't love him. I miss him terribly. I'm not answering because I know things weren't good or healthy for me. I gave him many many many chances to change a few things, and it didn't get much better, so I had to walk away. In all previous "breakups" with him, I've always answered the phone within a week of him calling and calling, because I really didn't want it to be over. But this time, I just had to do what I had to do for myself. From what I'm saying, though, just know that her blocking you doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't care.

 

Give it a little space and time. Messaging her right away could only do damage. Doing nothing at all = no new damage. Handle this with maturity, dignity, and respect (by not messaging her if she told you not to) and maybe she will reconsider. Most things I read on No Contact (google it!!) suggest 30 days. Maybe after that you could reach out to her in a light way and gauge where she's at.

 

Sorry! I know it sucks!!!

[EvenInfinite]

Hi again. Please do disregard my earlier post, as your situation is completely different from mine. I wondered if it might be similar, but having read your followup comments I can see that it isn't.

 

I know how you feel though! It's an awful feeling, what you're going through. I think the other posters are right and you're going to have to be strong and not contact her. If you do message her it could be perceived as annoying, and it also doesn't give her a chance to miss you, or a chance to think about things on her own. If you don't call/message, after a few days she might start to wonder hmmm, how did he give me up so easily? And it might make her reach out to you out of curiosity. There's no guarantee that will happen, but there's a better chance for it if you don't message than if you do. In the meantime, you might need to gather your strength in accepting that it could be over, and try to detach emotionally.

 

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but as I said before, I'm refusing to talk to my exbf. But it doesn't mean I don't still care or that I don't love him. I miss him terribly. I'm not answering because I know things weren't good or healthy for me. I gave him many many many chances to change a few things, and it didn't get much better, so I had to walk away. In all previous "breakups" with him, I've always answered the phone within a week of him calling and calling, because I really didn't want it to be over. But this time, I just had to do what I had to do for myself. From what I'm saying, though, just know that her blocking you doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't care.

 

Give it a little space and time. Messaging her right away could only do damage. Doing nothing at all = no new damage. Handle this with maturity, dignity, and respect (by not messaging her if she told you not to) and maybe she will reconsider. Most things I read on No Contact (google it!!) suggest 30 days. Maybe after that you could reach out to her in a light way and gauge where she's at.

 

Sorry! I know it sucks!!!

Thank you so much for the advice. I know every single person after a breakup says this, but I seriously can never ever see myself moving on from this girl. There are just some people in life that you need to keep and will never forget and never stop loving, and I know she is one of them. I will give her some time, and I just hope she doesn't take me not contacting her as me not caring and then it makes it easier for her to move on. My way of thinking is horrible, because no matter what the answer is to something, I always think of ways that it could go wrong and then I overthink it and work myself up. I will try and be strong and not message her until July. Once again, thank you for everything. I'll let you know what happens and how it goes.

[lostlove76]

Thank you so much for the advice. I know every single person after a breakup says this, but I seriously can never ever see myself moving on from this girl. There are just some people in life that you need to keep and will never forget and never stop loving, and I know she is one of them. I will give her some time, and I just hope she doesn't take me not contacting her as me not caring and then it makes it easier for her to move on. My way of thinking is horrible, because no matter what the answer is to something, I always think of ways that it could go wrong and then I overthink it and work myself up. I will try and be strong and not message her until July. Once again, thank you for everything. I'll let you know what happens and how it goes.

 

You're welcome. I do know how you feel! And I'm the same as you in a few ways. I, too, say mean things in the heat of the moment when I get upset. Luckily, he never held it against me or took it personally at all, but he's not like most people. Also like you, I overthink everything, and consider every angle, and worry about all the what-if's. It's mental torture, and we do it to ourselves.

 

When my on/off current exbf has not called in the past, it drove me crazy and just made me miss him all the more

 

Good luck!

[EvenInfinite]

You're welcome. I do know how you feel! And I'm the same as you in a few ways. I, too, say mean things in the heat of the moment when I get upset. Luckily, he never held it against me or took it personally at all, but he's not like most people. Also like you, I overthink everything, and consider every angle, and worry about all the what-if's. It's mental torture, and we do it to ourselves.

 

When my on/off current exbf has not called in the past, it drove me crazy and just made me miss him all the more

 

Good luck!

Again, thanks a ton for all the positive words. One last question though, this is the last one I swear. You say this could be a test for the relationship to see if we do have a connection and the love is real. Can you force yourself to not be with someone if you truly love and feel for them, or will you eventually give in when you realize you miss them a bunch and need them in your life?

[lostlove76]

Again, thanks a ton for all the positive words. One last question though, this is the last one I swear. You say this could be a test for the relationship to see if we do have a connection and the love is real. Can you force yourself to not be with someone if you truly love and feel for them, or will you eventually give in when you realize you miss them a bunch and need them in your life?

 

I don't mind questions. I'm a big-time question-asker myself

 

Can you force yourself to not be with someone if you truly love and feel for them, or will you eventually give in when you realize you miss them a bunch and need them in your life?

Hmm, that's a good one. I think it depends on the person. This is too heavy to get into here, but you can google "attachment styles" - basically, we all have an attachment style that dictates how we relate and attach to others in relationships. People with "avoidant" styles are best able to walk away and turn off their feelings. People with "anxious" styles remain fixated and have a hard time letting go. People with a "secure" style (you'll see all these terms I've quoted if you want to google and read about it) are confident enough to make the best and healthiest decision for themselves, and they only remain in healthy relationships. You seem to have an anxious style, but I wouldn't know about her. Again, it's all kind of heavy, but very interesting stuff. I think it truly does determine how one is going to act both in the relationship and during/after a breakup.

 

With my exbf and I, we've both given in over and over again for the past two years, even after both of us saying it was over at different times. He even moved 4 hours away end of last year, we ended it, and he called 6 weeks later missing me and we resumed long-distance. I've never been able to resist going back, until now. And he's never been able to quit calling completely. I love him with my entire heart and soul, but I'm forcing myself to stay away because he is really not good for me. But if he stepped it up and proved he would do better, I would take him back. If he doesn't step it up and things remain as they were, I will continue to force myself to stay away.

 

I know that doesn't give you a black or white answer, I'm sorry, but it's food for thought I guess. I would say that, in general, most exes do come back if the love and connection really was strong enough. The only exception to that might be if life circumstances just take you in completely different directions. Even then, I've heard of people getting back together a decade later. There are just so many variables involved, ya know?

[EvenInfinite]

I don't mind questions. I'm a big-time question-asker myself

 

Can you force yourself to not be with someone if you truly love and feel for them, or will you eventually give in when you realize you miss them a bunch and need them in your life?

Hmm, that's a good one. I think it depends on the person. This is too heavy to get into here, but you can google "attachment styles" - basically, we all have an attachment style that dictates how we relate and attach to others in relationships. People with "avoidant" styles are best able to walk away and turn off their feelings. People with "anxious" styles remain fixated and have a hard time letting go. People with a "secure" style (you'll see all these terms I've quoted if you want to google and read about it) are confident enough to make the best and healthiest decision for themselves, and they only remain in healthy relationships. You seem to have an anxious style, but I wouldn't know about her. Again, it's all kind of heavy, but very interesting stuff. I think it truly does determine how one is going to act both in the relationship and during/after a breakup.

 

With my exbf and I, we've both given in over and over again for the past two years, even after both of us saying it was over at different times. He even moved 4 hours away end of last year, we ended it, and he called 6 weeks later missing me and we resumed long-distance. I've never been able to resist going back, until now. And he's never been able to quit calling completely. I love him with my entire heart and soul, but I'm forcing myself to stay away because he is really not good for me. But if he stepped it up and proved he would do better, I would take him back. If he doesn't step it up and things remain as they were, I will continue to force myself to stay away.

 

I know that doesn't give you a black or white answer, I'm sorry, but it's food for thought I guess. I would say that, in general, most exes do come back if the love and connection really was strong enough. The only exception to that might be if life circumstances just take you in completely different directions. Even then, I've heard of people getting back together a decade later. There are just so many variables involved, ya know?

I understand, I keep saying it but thank you again. Your messages are putting my kind at ease and I'm thinking positively. I know things may not go the way I want, but I'll deal with that when I get there. I believe her and I had something very strong so I guess we will see. You mentioned that if your exbf proved that he has changed, you would take him back. How exactly do I prove myself to my ex that I have (I know it's not an overnight thing and that it'll take awhile) changed if she has me blocked. Just work on myself until (I assume) she contacts me? Then she can see that I have changed and hopefully give me another go?

[lostlove76]

I understand, I keep saying it but thank you again. Your messages are putting my kind at ease and I'm thinking positively. I know things may not go the way I want, but I'll deal with that when I get there. I believe her and I had something very strong so I guess we will see. You mentioned that if your exbf proved that he has changed, you would take him back. How exactly do I prove myself to my ex that I have (I know it's not an overnight thing and that it'll take awhile) changed if she has me blocked. Just work on myself until (I assume) she contacts me? Then she can see that I have changed and hopefully give me another go?

 

You're welcome! I just hope I'm not confusing you more. Like I said, I overthink everything, and have a hard time giving straightforward answers. Sorry about that.

 

I think that's all you can do, the part I bolded above. If she contacts you soon, you can tell her that the breakup made you think and realize that you need to change some things, and that you want to be a better person. Speak with honesty and confidence and humbleness. Admit where you were wrong, but don't beg or take on 100% of the blame because that puts you in a weak position. Just own your part. If she doesn't contact you until a month or two or later down the road, then you can tell her the same things, but also tell her ways in which you've already been working on it. Because it does take time to self-reflect and learn new habits.

 

I agree with you that if things don't go the way you want, just deal with that when you get there. Right after a breakup is when you're at your lowest and weakest. As time goes on, you'll be better able to handle it if it looks like she won't be coming back. Just take it day by day.

 

One thing I've heard suggested over and over again is to write a letter but DON'T (I repeat, DO NOT) send it. Just write it to get all those feelings out of your head, and then tear it up. You can say everything you wish you could say to her. It's cathartic. Just make absolutely sure that you don't send it. It's for you and only you.

[EvenInfinite]

You're welcome! I just hope I'm not confusing you more. Like I said, I overthink everything, and have a hard time giving straightforward answers. Sorry about that.

 

I think that's all you can do, the part I bolded above. If she contacts you soon, you can tell her that the breakup made you think and realize that you need to change some things, and that you want to be a better person. Speak with honesty and confidence and humbleness. Admit where you were wrong, but don't beg or take on 100% of the blame because that puts you in a weak position. Just own your part. If she doesn't contact you until a month or two or later down the road, then you can tell her the same things, but also tell her ways in which you've already been working on it. Because it does take time to self-reflect and learn new habits.

 

I agree with you that if things don't go the way you want, just deal with that when you get there. Right after a breakup is when you're at your lowest and weakest. As time goes on, you'll be better able to handle it if it looks like she won't be coming back. Just take it day by day.

 

One thing I've heard suggested over and over again is to write a letter but DON'T (I repeat, DO NOT) send it. Just write it to get all those feelings out of your head, and then tear it up. You can say everything you wish you could say to her. It's cathartic. Just make absolutely sure that you don't send it. It's for you and only you.

Okay, I guess now I will play the waiting game. She has me blocked on everything so I am not able to see her posts anywhere, which I guess is a good thing for now. Although I did ask my brother to show me her Instagram earlier today. -.- And about the letter idea, I think I'm going to save that for a few more days. Just the thought of that almost brings me to tears for some reason. Maybe it's that I know the words would be meant for her, but she couldn't see them. I don't know, just right now that makes me sad. I hope she contacts me soon. I guess in the past I have pestered her about stuff before, so I assume she thinks I'll pester her now. But since I'm not, she'll, like you said, wonder how I "moved on" so quickly and miss me. I hope at least.

[lostlove76]

I hope she contacts you too. It's rough!! The waiting game is the worst, but it does get easier. Eventually you'll feel stronger. It's hardest in the beginning.

 

Another case in point for no contact: I got upset and broke up with my current exbf pretty early on. I stayed mad for a day or two. He tried to talk to me and I was just angry at him, so I wasnt all that nice or mature about it. I deleted him off Facebook. I got back on the dating site where we met, just to rub things in his face. This all stemmed from his noncommitalness, but I handled it horribly wrong and I can see that now. Anyways, he tried a couple times to talk to me and I was just a b$ about it. Then he quit trying and I thought "uh oh, I better fix this." So I then proceeded to text him for two months while he completely ignored me. I tried everything, said everything. Eventually we reconciled and started a new phase. All of the above makes me sound just awful, but I'm telling you about it because there are lessons here that you can learn from this story. When he tried talking to me at first, I was stubborn and wasn't having any of it. Then when he stopped trying, I thought "uh-oh" and realized I had messed up. Then when I bombarded him with message after message trying to fix things, his ego and stubbornness kept him from replying. The next time we saw each other two months later, things felt exactly as they had before all that had even happened; the attraction and interest and connection were all still there. So was his noncommitalness, but that's another story.

 

So remain calm, no contact, let her wonder why you're not chasing and begging.

[Sazkaz]

Me, because I know she is only breaking up with me because of mistakes I am making.

 

You are going to drive yourself crazy. Sorry to ask but have you ever suffered from anxiety before? It makes you feel sick and panicky when something traumatic like this happens. If you think you may have it, please talk to a doctor or look up help online- it'll help you feel like you're more in control of your life.

 

Also, if you were your ex, would you be more interested in reconciliating with a cool, calm guy that's capable of giving her some space or a panicky, suffocating guy?

 

I'm not guaranteeing she'll come back to you but you'll not help yourself or the situation if you don't take a step back.

 

Journaling works for me. Give yourself 30 days of no contact and every day, write in your journal about your thoughts and feelings. It helps to have somewhere you can express yourself.

 

Also, have you got a supportive friend or family member you can lean on?

[EvenInfinite]

You are going to drive yourself crazy. Sorry to ask but have you ever suffered from anxiety before? It makes you feel sick and panicky when something traumatic like this happens. If you think you may have it, please talk to a doctor or look up help online- it'll help you feel like you're more in control of your life.

 

Also, if you were your ex, would you be more interested in reconciliating with a cool, calm guy that's capable of giving her some space or a panicky, suffocating guy?

 

I'm not guaranteeing she'll come back to you but you'll not help yourself or the situation if you don't take a step back.

 

Journaling works for me. Give yourself 30 days of no contact and every day, write in your journal about your thoughts and feelings. It helps to have somewhere you can express yourself.

 

Also, have you got a supportive friend or family member you can lean on?

I guess I must have anxiety. I get a feeling similar to this before I go on planes, if that counts. I go through every single possible bad outcome and my stomach starts to hurt and my heart rate goes up. She can't even know I am feeling this way because we aren't talking, so she doesn't even know how I am handling this. And yes I do have family members I can talk to.

[EvenInfinite]

Hi again. Please do disregard my earlier post, as your situation is completely different from mine. I wondered if it might be similar, but having read your followup comments I can see that it isn't.

 

I know how you feel though! It's an awful feeling, what you're going through. I think the other posters are right and you're going to have to be strong and not contact her. If you do message her it could be perceived as annoying, and it also doesn't give her a chance to miss you, or a chance to think about things on her own. If you don't call/message, after a few days she might start to wonder hmmm, how did he give me up so easily? And it might make her reach out to you out of curiosity. There's no guarantee that will happen, but there's a better chance for it if you don't message than if you do. In the meantime, you might need to gather your strength in accepting that it could be over, and try to detach emotionally.

 

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but as I said before, I'm refusing to talk to my exbf. But it doesn't mean I don't still care or that I don't love him. I miss him terribly. I'm not answering because I know things weren't good or healthy for me. I gave him many many many chances to change a few things, and it didn't get much better, so I had to walk away. In all previous "breakups" with him, I've always answered the phone within a week of him calling and calling, because I really didn't want it to be over. But this time, I just had to do what I had to do for myself. From what I'm saying, though, just know that her blocking you doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't care.

 

Give it a little space and time. Messaging her right away could only do damage. Doing nothing at all = no new damage. Handle this with maturity, dignity, and respect (by not messaging her if she told you not to) and maybe she will reconsider. Most things I read on No Contact (google it!!) suggest 30 days. Maybe after that you could reach out to her in a light way and gauge where she's at.

 

Sorry! I know it sucks!!!

A lot of people on another thread are telling me that LDRs aren't really real love and they don't last. If that's true, won't she be able to move on in this 30 day period that people are telling me to wait? She'll realize that I was only someone to talk to and so she didn't feel lonely and then just find someone local. I know what you're thinking, if she can do that then so could I. But I am telling, I absolutely do not want to do that. Now I'm starting to think, if I wait the month I am supposed to she won't have any feeling for me by the time I message her.

[Tom1976]

You sound like you're in exactly the same situation as me. Check my thread. All I can think of is my ex, can't eat nor sleep nor concentrate on anything. I miss her so much and fear she'll move on if I don't contact her. I am going to try and wait for a month then send her a text. No idea what it will contain though. Feel for you. It hurts big time I know. Stay strong

[EvenInfinite]

You sound like you're in exactly the same situation as me. Check my thread. All I can think of is my ex, can't eat nor sleep nor concentrate on anything. I miss her so much and fear she'll move on if I don't contact her. I am going to try and wait for a month then send her a text. No idea what it will contain though. Feel for you. It hurts big time I know. Stay strong

I know man, it really does suck. People are trying to tell us to move on, but you and I both know that is impossible. Stay strong dude, keep going NC like I am and hopefully soon our exs will contact us, and maybe give us another shot.

[Clinton]

A lot of people on another thread are telling me that LDRs aren't really real love and they don't last. If that's true, won't she be able to move on in this 30 day period that people are telling me to wait? She'll realize that I was only someone to talk to and so she didn't feel lonely and then just find someone local. I know what you're thinking, if she can do that then so could I. But I am telling, I absolutely do not want to do that. Now I'm starting to think, if I wait the month I am supposed to she won't have any feeling for me by the time I message her.

 

LDR can be real relationships but not if you never meet the person. She's moving on regardless of what you do.

 

No contact is not, and never has been a method to get them back. It's to allow you to heal by removing the source of your pain. A side effect may be they miss you and contact you. But that's a long shot. Right now all you trying to contact her will do is push her further away. You stand a risk of moving into crazy stalker territory if you keep it up. There's a reason she's blocked you.

 

She's made her choice. Respect it and move on with your life. If she ever contacts you again(unlikely) deal with it then.

[EvenInfinite]

LDR can be real relationships but not if you never meet the person. She's moving on regardless of what you do.

 

No contact is not, and never has been a method to get them back. It's to allow you to heal by removing the source of your pain. A side effect may be they miss you and contact you. But that's a long shot. Right now all you trying to contact her will do is push her further away. You stand a risk of moving into crazy stalker territory if you keep it up. There's a reason she's blocked you.

 

She's made her choice. Respect it and move on with your life. If she ever contacts you again(unlikely) deal with it then.

Your words aren't exactly what I want to hear, but I can see the truth to them. I'm not contacting her, I'll wait for her to contact me.

[abitbroken]

Okay, I guess now I will play the waiting game. She has me blocked on everything so I am not able to see her posts anywhere, which I guess is a good thing for now. Although I did ask my brother to show me her Instagram earlier today. -.- And about the letter idea, I think I'm going to save that for a few more days. Just the thought of that almost brings me to tears for some reason. Maybe it's that I know the words would be meant for her, but she couldn't see them. I don't know, just right now that makes me sad. I hope she contacts me soon. I guess in the past I have pestered her about stuff before, so I assume she thinks I'll pester her now. But since I'm not, she'll, like you said, wonder how I "moved on" so quickly and miss me. I hope at least.

 

DO NOT SEND HER A LETTER. She was VERY VERY CLEAR that she doesn't want to hear from you. And its only been two days. If you send her this letter, if there was any chance - you burned it forever. If two people mutually break up for reasons of distance or reasons of just not ready to be in a relationship - sure they can reconnect - but to someone who has repeatedly broken it off with you for the same reasons - they will feel you do NOT GET THE HINT. I know you miss her but you honestly have no clue. When someone says mean things to you, someone's heart can only be punctured or broken so many times and then they have had enough. Take this as a harsh lesson on what you need to improve about yourself as a life lesson. She is not the last woman you will date. You are more focused on your need to "have her in your life" and you have no focus on HER hurt that you have caused over time..and DO NOT contact her about it!!

[lostlove76]

DO NOT SEND HER A LETTER.

 

He was referring to my suggestion to write one of those letters that you don't send. You know that advice you see everywhere about writing a letter to the person and then tearing it up, just for therapeutic reasons. I made sure to tell him NOT to send it.

 

Just clearing up the miscommunication!

[abitbroken]

He was referring to my suggestion to write one of those letters that you don't send. You know that advice you see everywhere about writing a letter to the person and then tearing it up, just for therapeutic reasons. I made sure to tell him NOT to send it.

 

Just clearing up the miscommunication!

 

Ok. Good. I was just not putting it past him to send it.