Four and a half years in a relationship... time to move on?

[lemonjuice]

Hello and thank you in advance for reading this post,

 

I've been dating the same guy since I was 14 and I am now 19, he is 22. It's hard to really capture our relationship since we've been together for so long. He loves me so much and I love him... but I've broken up with him several times. Every time it is for the same reason -- he gets lazy and boring. I know it's natural for things to calm down after the first year or so, but he's lacked romance since day one. I've told him this, but dates seem like a chore for him to do, especially if I have to ask him to go somewhere. In fact most of the dates we go on I'll have to suggest it.

I told him I wanted a romantic picnik and he made me make my own sandwich and he complained about carrying the basket (pretty sure i carried it). Most dates are just going to see a movie now, which I do like movies, but he'll complain about the cost of dinner (which is fast food). I told him I want to try a new restaurant but we never end up going. In the past he has lied about how much money he has. One day I was scrapping change to pay for our meal and a $20 bill fell out from his billfold, where he stuffed it back in and still asked me to pay for it. Another time he said we couldn't get dinner because he didn't have any money, in which his room mate replied "didn't your parents just send over $200?" and he told him to shut up. He doesn't have any bills to pay or anything and if he has money he spends it on video games.

Now I enjoy playing video games. I play games I like playing with him, yet if I want to do something i.e. horse back ride, he doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to do anything new I suggest -- and if he does do it, it's definitely half hearted and just to make me happy. And if I play a game and lose he gets angry and is really salty/mean towards me. Recently I got him killed in a game and he said he hated me.

I called him out and he felt bad... then he thought if we played a different game it would help. So he bought me another game we could play together, then got really defensive/upset when I said I don't really enjoy the new game.

I mean what the , it's just a game?! I really only play because I know he enjoys playing games so I wanted to share the time with him but why does it have to be so damn complicated. I play games for him so we can spend time together yet he doesn't want to even try a new restaurant or go anywhere new and exciting? I mean playing games for years just gets boring. He doesn't even try on dates anymore. I mean I don't really ask for much but a little romance didn't kill anybody. He's never gotten me flowers and every dance/prom we went to he complained about having to buy a suit- and I never really had a good time because he's such a party pooper.

Also our sex life is awful. I do everything. He can't even get me to orgasm. He's only tried to eat me out ONCE EVER. He's very greedy, and he'll try to last a long time for blow jobs (it's called JOB for a reason) but will last 30 seconds in bed. I'm the only sexually adventurous one. Sex at one point was painful because he is clumsy. I've tried to work with him/show him what to do but he just doesn't get it and he gets so awkward it's not even funny... like we've been having sex for years and he still can't find my clitoris.

He's now graduated, living at home with his parents looking for a job... he's very smart and has a nice degree but I don't think he plans on moving out of his parents any time soon. I asked him if he's going to move out and he completly dodged the question. I also asked him where he think we'll be in a few years and he totally dodged that question too.

[j.man]

So you two are 110% incompatible and haven't in four years figured out the concept of splitting the bill / simply paying for yourself to avoid all this who covers who politics.

 

What do you want me to say? If you don't like him, leave him. You don't need to present a case to the Breakup Court.

[Wiseman2]

It may be time to pull the plug.

Also our sex life is awful. He can't even get me to orgasm. He's only tried to eat me out ONCE EVER. He's very greedy, and he'll try to last a long time for blow jobs but will last 30 seconds in bed. he still can't find my clitoris.

[catfeeder]

Four and a half years in a relationship... time to move on?

 

Yes. You never get any wasted time back again for do-overs.

[lilypadgirl]

You don't need to justify anything if you feel that your relationship is no longer right.

 

That said, based on what you wrote, I see no reason to stay in this relationship. It sounds like you guys had young love and over the years have now grown apart. He still wants to be a kid while he gets sex from you. It sounds like you're ready for a more mature and mutual relationship.