Wild88 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I need some advice because I really don't know what to feel or believe anymore... Ive recently gone through a divorce (marriage of 8 years) that was not easy to get through...many trust issues involved there.... But the topic on which I need advice has to do with my current relationship with my new boyfriend (8 months). He is truly a good man, he has helped me through many emotional issues and is really loving and kind. A few months back though, I found out that he had multiple accounts on different chat sites where by he would swap dirty pictures with other women. (many of these pictures were still on his devices) As far as I know, this all took place before we were together and he admitted that he was in a very dark place back then...I didnt think that he was that kinda guy, but I put it behind me as best I could. The thought of it though always lingers in the back of my mind. But, he always seems very secretive with his stuff, it feels like he is trying to keep me from seeing what he is busy with on his phone. Constant message alert tones go off until I asked him about it...I assume now that his phone is always on silent. I cannot be sure because his phone is literally in his hand everywhere he goes. He never leaves it unattended. Even when he goes to shower. Awhile back I walked into the bathroom to see him with his phone IN the shower???? I decided to confront him about this. He came "clean" telling me that he has been alone for so long (before me he was single for 4 years) that he has some form of addiction to porn and was looking at it at any opportunity he could including pleasuring himself to porn whenever I am not around. I told him that I am not ok with this considering his past behaviors priory to being with me and tried to make him realize that he is no longer single. I also found some chat sites that he had signed up for 3 months back, he said it wasn't to do anything bad...I don't know if I can believe him. When I opened them though, there was nothing there, no photos or chat history, contacts or anything like that. It doesn't help that he has 2 cellphones and 2 tablets, 5 email addresses a laptop and a pc...of which I only have access to his pc and one email address. This makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. He tells me to this day that he doesn't do those things anymore and I'm really trying to trust him on this....I just need advice, someone else's perspective on this scenario because I really don't want to lose him. He is a great guy and I know he loves me, but there is this nagging feeling that he is still up to no good.......Please help me. (Please note that we live together) Thank you Link to comment
missmarple Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 What's so great about him? The multiple accounts he used to have, the dirty pictures he exchanged with women, that he's secretive, that he gets tons of messages you have no idea who from, that he takes his phone to the shower, that he's addicted to porn, that he signed up for more chat sites just 3 months ago, that he has 5 email addresses and a bunch of other stuff you have no access to? You're selling yourself short here. If having someone 'love' you is like this, I'm glad I'm single. Link to comment
Wild88 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 Yes, there are a few things that "tinge" his personality. But he is a good guy. He is very loving and attentive. He is selfless for the most part and he really does go out of his way to make me happy. I don't know, I don't know what to think. I just thought that maybe he was really trying to stop. I really don't know, It sucks becoming emotionally invested with someone especially since its my first relationship after a long pointless marriage. I thought that maybe I could give him the benefit of the doubt? Link to comment
Jibralta Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I think you are correct to be uncomfortable. He sounds like bad news. It's too bad that you live together, because that will make it difficult for you to leave. But that's what I suggest you do: leave. Link to comment
Wild88 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 This really saddens me, I was really hoping that my bad luck in relationships would have ended by now. Link to comment
missmarple Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I thought that maybe I could give him the benefit of the doubt? We give the benefit of the doubt when there's just one thing that seems to be going wrong. With this guy, it's so many things I'm surprised you're still with him. Link to comment
Vegancatlady Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Can I ask, you are living together after only 8 months together? Perhaps, if viable, continue to see each other but live separately again? Would that work? Or maybe have a little break? I know I wouldn't be happy with all the devices and dating apps etc. I think I'd lay it out for him, everything you're not happy with and what needs to change. After so long in the marriage it's important for you to be happy again I think Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Wild. It isn't a matter of bad luck We make our "luck". So soon after a divorce, in particular a difficult one, it is not a good idea to immediately get involved in a new relationship and start living with the person. One needs time, a good deal of it, to become oneself again. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 This really saddens me, I was really hoping that my bad luck in relationships would have ended by now. Sorry, but it really seems like a bad deal There's a good saying: Luck happens when opportunity meets preparation. It's not completely out of your hands. Link to comment
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