so ashamed

[tez]

hi everyone please help me i feel really sick even thinking what i'm going to write. i had a boyfriend i really liked, we had only been going out a few months. one night i was with him and i got really drunk - i was also on medication - and i ended up telling him something i never told anyone. that when i was younger and first started to masturbate i used to look at my genitals in a mirror although i'd always imagine there was someone else there. is this really sick. he thought it was. now i feel so awful i can't think about anything else. has anyone ever heard of anyone else who did this?

[annie24]

No - you are not sick. Exploring your body is completely normal and healthy.

[DN]

Not in the least sick, curiosity about one's body and fantasy about someone else touching it is not unusual at all. Don't worry about it. The boyfriend's reaction was silly, just because it might not turn him on doesn't mean it's sick.

 

Relax, there's nothing wrong with you.

 

Are you still with insensitive, judgemental boyfriend?

[lady00]

No that's not sick at all. Masturbation is healthy and normal. Your bf may have been insecure with his own body and maybe that is why he thought it was sick but there's nothing wrong with it at all.

[arwen]

Hey girl!

 

It's totally normal, I think your bf said this because he probably did the same or even 'worse' when he masturbated first.

 

It's just the kinda thing you'd never tell, but you blurt out being drunk

 

Just laugh about it, I'd say. Your a completely normal girl!

 

Ilse.

[tez]

thanks so much for the replies. no lady00, he dumped me. having made a lot of snide remarks and jokes about it in front of his friends. i feel so humiliated. like i am a disgusting freak. your replies have helped though. i am never drinking again (well, not on meds anyway).

[DN]

Well frankly, you are better off without him.

 

Better luck in a future relationship!

[HeavenLee]

No you are not a freak at all. That's how most people learn about themselves and their own bodies. Please don't tell me that he hasn't done something similar??? And to disrespect you by telling his friends... well you are better off without him... he's the freak.

[arwen]

Hey tez,

 

Well, what happened tells more about your ex bf than it does about you. You did nothing wrong, and he's quite pathetic breaking up and then spreading stories like this. Pfff, so childish, really!

 

If there is an indication on the box of the meds that you shouldn't drink, it's better to assume there is a reason for it yes. I am on efexor, and was told 'oh, you can try, just be really careful'. It's already after 1 glass of wine that I will be drowsy, dizzy and my heartbeat becomes terribly fast.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[tez]

Thanks again everyone.

[lady00]

what a jerk! His remarks are immature and insensitive...and I agree with other posters that it shows that he is not comfortable with himself so that is why he makes fun of you and tries to bring you down. You deserve better.

[tez]

me again. i don't know if anyone will read this, or what, but i have to get this off my chest.

 

that wasn't the only thing i told him. the alcohol and the anti-anxiety pills acted together like some kind of truth serum and i blurted out other things. things i hope i would usually have the sense not to say. but it's not just that i said them - it's the fact i did them at all. i told him about a past boyfriend who was quite kinky and something he got me to do which i ended up enjoying, and then felt totally ashamed about. i was boasting as well, talking about how a lot of people fancied me at university - trying to somehow make myself look more attractive to him and also of course giving myself an ego boost at the same time - and revealing that i am in fact a vain cow.

 

worst of all, i betrayed a member of my family. it doesn't matter that he, ex-boyfriend, will never meet this person. it matters that i said it in the first

place.

 

now i feel like crying all the time. i can't get all this out of my head. and then there he was, this ex boyfriend, parroting back to me all this awful stuff i said, and me thinking it sounded vaguely familiar, or wondering why he was saying such bizarre stuff, but not really making the connection. his friend was there too, and must of known what all this stuff related to.

 

i am tempted to ring him, just to talk about everything. i don't know if this is a bad idea or not? i just can't go on feeling like this.

[annie24]

No! Oh honey - don't beat yourself up! So, you shared parts of your personal life. A bf should be accepting of it - I think it's understandable - if you have some secrets in your life, you would want to share them with your bf - instead, he acted totally callous, and betrayed you by telling all this stuff to his friends! I wouldn't waste your precious heart and mind on him. I don't think you did anything sick or unnatural. All of us have experimented, and all of us have told secrets about our sisters/brothers/cousins to our partners.

 

Chin up, ok?

[tez]

Thank you annie! i will try to bear all that in mind.

[PAdreamer]

Totally normal! You were curious and I'm sure adolescent hormones were coming into play as well! Believe me, I did far more... embarrassing sexually oriented things when I was young. No worries. If your boyfriend was grossed out, it simply means that he hasn't done as much exploring... He's just more sexually reserved. And that's okay too.

[arwen]

that wasn't the only thing i told him. the alcohol and the anti-anxiety pills acted together like some kind of truth serum and i blurted out other things. things i hope i would usually have the sense not to say. but it's not just that i said them - it's the fact i did them at all. i told him about a past boyfriend who was quite kinky and something he got me to do which i ended up enjoying, and then felt totally ashamed about. i was boasting as well, talking about how a lot of people fancied me at university - trying to somehow make myself look more attractive to him and also of course giving myself an ego boost at the same time - and revealing that i am in fact a vain cow.

 

Well, just never drink when you are on these meds. I am on anti-depressants and I drink no more than one wine or one beer, IF I drink at all. Are they anti-anxiety or anti-depressant? Anti-anxiety pills in the group of benzodiazepines can be quite dangerous when combined with alcohol. I can imagine you feel very ashamed about this, but it's really not worse than what a lot of people do when they are drunk! I am just a bit worried about the combination, and really want to advise you NOT to combine the two. If they are anti-anxiety (like Xanax), are you on them on a regular basis or do you take them when you feel you might need them in case of panic? Are you being controlled for the meds by anyone?

 

worst of all, i betrayed a member of my family. it doesn't matter that he, ex-boyfriend, will never meet this person. it matters that i said it in the first

place.

 

You cannot turn back time. Best is to learn from this. The core things about life you often learn by really hitting the wall hard.

 

now i feel like crying all the time. i can't get all this out of my head. and then there he was, this ex boyfriend, parroting back to me all this awful stuff i said, and me thinking it sounded vaguely familiar, or wondering why he was saying such bizarre stuff, but not really making the connection. his friend was there too, and must of known what all this stuff related to.

 

Don't get yourself so upbeat about this. Really, he is being plain rude and mean. You are a good person, and even good persons blurt out the strangest things when drunk. He is probably relieved that for ONE time someone else made a bigger fool out of themselves than him.

 

i am tempted to ring him, just to talk about everything. i don't know if this is a bad idea or not? i just can't go on feeling like this.

 

Nooooo! Don't do that. You can be sure he will tell this also to his friends, I think. You would really risk making it worse. In a few weeks there will happen something else with someone else and they won't talk about this thing anymore.

 

What worries me more is that you seem so obsessed by this. Maybe that relates more to the reasons you are on medication, than to what actually happened here.

 

If you want, you can post a new topic under 'Emotions and Feelings' or 'Health, ...' about this. I am sure you will meet more people who have episodes of anxiety, depression (more than on the forum about orgasm, perhaps).

 

take care and don't call him. He doesn't deserve the opportunity of making fun of you once more. Be proud of who you are, you're still the same person. He didn't change that.

 

Ilse.

[EmptySoul]

Hey. I'm really sorry for how your (ex)boyfriend made you feel about this, there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, I (and I've talked to other people who are the same way) have much more fun masturbating if someone is watching me. There is nothing wrong with you. Most males would think it was hot.

 

Empty

[jaiva]

It's totally normal, I think your bf said this because he probably did the same or even 'worse' when he masturbated first.

 

It's just the kinda thing you'd never tell, but you blurt out being drunk

 

Just laugh about it, I'd say. Your a completely normal girl!

 

It is perfectly normal to explore your body as you are growing up. I think it was something wrong with you bf for him to think you were weird.

 

Make sure you don't mix meds and alcohol again so you wont tell all of your business to any other unworthy person.

 

Jaiva