I'm serious attraction to this guy, but he's out of my league. Help!

[Zess1827]

So, in college, we're already third years and same department. I think this person and I knew each other by name, but since we're never interacted with each other seriously until this semester when we're grouped in one of our major subjects. From the start, I really never paid him attention, like, he's just another guy in the corner. I've been hearing some good things about him here and there, but he's not much of a popular guy in our batch.

 

So I think I was surprised by his great sense of responsibility that I've never experienced with other guys before. And he's pretty smart and independent. Sociable, close to many girls, but he always claims that he has no friend. I think, while he's easy to talk to, I really never saw him very close to other people except for the professors and instructors in the same laboratory as he is.

 

I have never had a crush before, much less a boyfriend in my 20 years, and I think this is hitting me very hard. I'm at loss, and all the people I share my feelings thinks I'm overexaggerating things (I never tell them who it is). They say it's gonna pass, that this is just some petty attraction. I don't know if that's true. I enjoy seeing him when we have classes. There are times we can talk about things and it really makes me happy. Since we're on the same group for a report paper, I help him as much as I can. I get really happy when he depended on me for some notes to a class he was not able to attend.

 

But group activities aside, I don't know how to talk to him without sounding strange. I'm more of a quiet girl, and I only talk when necessary. I think he knows this as well, and it would really get awkward if I just pop out on him, and ask "Hey, how's your day?" or something like that.

 

So this has been going well, and I'm just happy with the way things are, until there's this whole summer class we are required to take and we were grouped to various locations to do some fieldwork for 2-3 weeks straight. From the moment I heard this news, I've been praying to be with the same group as him.

 

So of course I was not assigned to the same group as him. We were not allowed to exchange groups, unless we have a valid, academic reason. I have none. That night, our professors were discussing the details of what was needed to get done with the fieldwork, and I was frozen on spot. My friends were talking about this and that, and when they converse with me, I force a laugh. I forgot how I got home after that. That night, I just cried. I forgot to do my homework and to continue the report we need to pass. Until now, a week after that announcement, I can still feel the loneliness rising up whenever I become idle.

 

I was surprised to myself that I cried because I was not on the same group as him. I began to think this needs to stop. I got no indication he's gonna return the feelings, and I'm happy just being able to talk to him. However, lately, I start to hate it when girls talk to him, because those girls knows how to do petty talk, and I cannot. And when I'm imagining his groupmates spending 2-3 weeks straight with him, and I'm stuck at some location without him, I know I'm doomed.

 

What should I do? I really can't talk this with friends, since most of them are from my batch. I don't want them knowing that I'm infatuated with someone from our classmates because I hate to stand out in that way. What should I do???

[Wolfshook]

I dont think leagues really exist, I've seen couples that you ask yourself how the f did that happen.

 

Why dont you ask him for coffee?

 

And you should stop being jealous allready,thar will just drive him away.

[Wiseman2]

Rather than just hang around as his friend, ask him to go for coffee sometime and get to know him better.

I got no indication he's gonna return the feelings, and I'm happy just being able to talk to him.

[DoF]

Spend time with him, get to know him closer.......ask him for coffee, if you enjoy his company tell him and see if he asks you out for a date. Or better yet, YOU do.

[Pixels]

The whole league-game exists, and there's plenty of evidence of social, physical, and educational correlations between couples and attraction. It's not really a conscious game though, more of a fact that people are more likely to pair with like-people and aren't willing to feel like they're settling (hint, don't broadcast that they're selling because you feel they're too good for you). Fortunately for many, the physical component tends to have high variability, and what we typically think others consider attractive isn't actually what the majority of people you'll encounter find attractive. Then there's some people who just flat-out sell themselves short.

 

But, you're both in the same year, and you're getting close to the end, so you have plenty in common to strike up a conversation. Ask about his plans after school, ask about how he finds the group work, ask about literally anything you have in common... You don't have give him the thrill of cocaine, you just have to break the ice... Which honestly, academically-focused university students are some of the easiest people to break the ice with because a lot of them are just desperate for anything that isn't stressful...

[Zess1827]

Well, it was actuallyeasy for me to strike him up for a conversation, but then, the talk ends up too quickly. I don't know, we're both just not talkative people. I guess it's my problem as well, I don't pursue enough, but I really don't know what to talk about sometimes. I have exhausted those things you have suggested - plans after school, group works, etc - and I think he does that to everyone anyway. I'm pretty much hopeless

[Pixels]

Well, it was actuallyeasy for me to strike him up for a conversation, but then, the talk ends up too quickly. I don't know, we're both just not talkative people. I guess it's my problem as well, I don't pursue enough, but I really don't know what to talk about sometimes. I have exhausted those things you have suggested - plans after school, group works, etc - and I think he does that to everyone anyway. I'm pretty much hopeless

 

The fact that you'd even consider making the first move puts you in a whole other league from most women. Seriously, just stop thinking and do it... He'll probably say no... MOST people will probably say no. Welcome to the game initiators need to learn to play... But nobody's going to say yes unless you take a chance and just ask them to get together sometime.

 

I dunno, rejection sucks, but at least you had the balls (or in your case, ovaries (they're more or less the same)) to run face-first into rejection without regretting it.

 

Worst case scenario you're "that girl who's nice, but asked me out and it was weird". I almost guarantee there's people who already think less of you, and your life hasn't been any worse for it.