Long post... Do you think there is any hope?

[Smiliex0]

Okay, so this is going to be kind of long. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years. I am now 23 and he was 25. I've been with him since I was 15 years old. That's a really long time which is why I am absolutely heart broken over this break up. I honestly did complain about him a lot to my family and friends. Sometimes feeling like he takes advantage of me, especially money wise. When we first started going out, he did work, he took care of me in any way that he could. I was he one not working. He took me shopping, got me everything I wanted.. he was sweet. Then years went by and he soon lost a really good job that he had due to laziness and not wanting to get up early and travel by train.. From then on, he hasn't really tried to get a job at all for about four years. He has so many dreams and ambitions, he was working on writing his own comic book, which he has stopped working on, and then agreed to open his own vintage toy/comic/game store with his brother and his friend, which did happen this past October. I am very proud of him, but you know when you have your own business, you don't make money right away. So, that's where I came in. (and have been putting out whatever I could for the past four years for him and I. And no we do not live together.) He literally woke up every morning asking me if I had cash or if he could take my debit card to the atm to take out 20 bucks. I always gave it to him because I love him and want him to be able to eat and do whatever he needs. I even paid for his weekly comic books whenever he needed it, and pretty much anything else we did like go out to eat or the movies.. I never really hated doing it, but I did eventually start to complain because I recently had started splitting rent with my brothers, along with cable bill, and phone bill. So, it was hard for me to just keep throwing money out there.

 

So, I would say that was our main issue aside from him being an lol, but I wish he was still MY as bad as that may sound. He does have a bad attitude and does with me a lot, has said some pretty ed up to me... but I always sat there and let it happen because no matter what I would say back to him, he rarely agreed to being the one in the wrong..

 

Aside from that being my issue with him, this is why we broke up in the beginning of April. This may sound weird to others who don't understand or who have never heard of it, but when I was younger I use to do this roleplaying thing on MySpace. Where you use a celebrity's face, make up your own name and back story for your character, and make up stories with other people who are on the site. All fake of course. I had stopped doing it for a long time, but had recently picked it back up because I enjoy writing. I've never told him about it before because I'm embarrassed of it. I do think it's weird.. but I enjoy writing and making things up its fun. But yeah, one night he went to use safari on my phone and I guess I had forgotten to close the tab, and he saw it there and flipped out on me. Said I'm a liar and who knows what else I'm hiding from him. I told him he could read it all its nothing, but he didn't want to listen. Made me pack my bags and leave his house at 1am by myself.

 

The next day he messages me asking me if I wanna go to the movies with him. I was like wth you do all that, then want to go to the movies. So I got angry because I feel he messes with my head like that.. I told him no. He continued to talk to me as if everything was okay, but I refused to see him for a little while and soon we did stop talking. About a week and a half ago, I broke and called him on my own. I love him and I always wind up missing him eventually even if I think I'm okay without him.. I'm usually not in the end. We started talking, and soon wound up going back out again as official boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

Something didn't feel right though. I felt he got back with me out of sympathy, and during the week he had lied about meeting up with two other females.. So, we had another talk and agreed we needed to be on a break and he did tell me he still wanted to see me and talk to me and kiss me and all that. He told me he was going to hang with his friends that night and would see me after at like 1am. I said that was fine, but when that time came, he disappeared for an hour and a half and said he didn't "realize" I was calling him. But I don't understand that because we planned to see each other so what are you talking about? Whatever. We met up anyways, but I felt like such a burden and a bother to him. Which is the way I've been feeling that entire week we were "together". I finally flipped out and left because I couldn't take it anymore. Felt like he was playing with my head so much.

 

The next night, we had planned before we fought to go to a bar for a friends birthday. So, I popped up anyways to see what he was doing. He was next to this one girl and I wanted to know if it was one of the girls he saw behind my back during the week so I went a little bat crazy on him..

 

After that, we spoke.. he said he just wants his space. I told him okay, but when we were texting I felt he was avoiding answering anyththing I said to him that was like venting. The next day I flipped and made some up like a psycho. I texted him saying you know what, don't text me back. I slept with someone last night, and I even said I slept with an acquaintance of his two years ago when we were broken up, and told him he wasn't the only one... After that I felt like . I just wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me.. but I felt terrible for lying about sleeping with someone the night before and for sleeping with somebody else. I did sleep with his acquaintance.. like someone he would just hang out with through other people.. but yeah.

 

So, I sent him an apology letter the next day. He replied back with I don't trust you and I never will. NOW, his main reason for not trustng me is because two years when we were broken up for six months, he had dumped me because I didn't give him enough sex. So, when I did eventually sleep with somebody else, he asked me and I was honest with him. I didn't want to lie to his face... he swears I threw the biggest problem we had in his face by doing that. Oh and when we was apparently stalking my phone recently, he saw in my history that it said I had messages with other guys on my fb, but if he were to actually log into my fb he would have seen that I either just read the message, or replied to them telling them I have a boyfriend and if they didn't listen I would block them. So, he just assumes I'm such a terrible person/girlfriend.

 

But for the first reason he doesn't trust me, he broke up with me because I didn't give him enough sex, but when the six months were up he was seeing somebody else, and told me that she had a brain tumor and it was on a gland that stopped her from having sex. So I'm just like he pretty much threw it right back at me because he dumped me for no sex, but was willing to be with somebody else who couldn't even give it to him. (Even though later on eventually she could have sex all of a sudden.. but that's another story.)

 

So, I wound up seeing him a few days after I wrote the apology letter to him. I asked him if he had any love or hope left in his heart that we would ever be together again. He was smiling and shaking his head saying no I'm sorry I don't. I don't trust you, who says stuff like that? I cried over and over and begged but he wouldn't give in. So, I kinda like... flipped out and told him I was pregnant and had a miscarriage.. lol I think back now and I'm just like . I went to confession immediately the next morning. I can't tell him I lied about that, I would lose him for good. I just won't bring it up ever again. What's done is done. And I swear I'm not this crazy person that I made myself out to be during this time.. I don't know what happened to me.

 

So after I told him that he had some emotions come back to him. He told me he would be there for me through it all.. I know I'm so in terrible.. he texted me everyday asking me how I was doing.. and whatever. It was nice to see that he cared, but in my head I know he really only cared cause of what I was going through.

 

The next night we wound up going out for a drink. We had such a good time, (oh btw he had went out on a date with another girl already and he does like her). It was like things had never changed between us. We started kissing, he told me how pretty I am, and when we left he put his arm around me and told me that he loved me. We had planned to go back to his apartment to have sex, but he chickened out last minute saying he couldn't because he doesn't want to hurt either me or the girl, and he really does like the other girl. So, he apologized and told me he wanted his space.. I said okay and left. I wasn't mad. I respect him for being a good guy.. He's not all that bad..

 

So we didn't see each other the next day, just kept talking on the phone. I ask him repeatedly if I'm holding on for nothing, but he doesn't give me a straight answer. He says idk. He says he can't trust me, he never will, and he would never forgive me. What he doesn't trust me for blows my absolute mind and I can't get over it cause I think it's crazy. Of course I understand, but it just doesn't make sense coming up two years later all of a sudden.

 

But he wasn't telling me no, so I had hope.

 

Now.... I messed everything up I'm pretty sure yesterday. Oh god, you guys are going to think I'm just absolutely insane lol.

 

But yeah. so the girl he is seeing is the cousin of this guy who comes into his store often. I've met him, he's gay, he's pretty cool, and we got along great. Oh and he was there he night at the bar when I flipped out. I sent him a text apologizing for the way I acted and didn't mean to make him or his cousin, the girl my ex is seeing, feel uncomfortable. I did say I was hurting really bad, and I did ask him if there was anything he could say or do to help my boyfriend realize that he's just really confused right now and having another girl there doesn't help. She's occupying him and keeping him from coming back to me... He said he will talk to them both. He literally went to my boyfriend twenty minutes later and told him everything I said and asked so my bf calls me up and says that's it jeanette I can't do this anymore you're going absolutely crazy. I flipped out I cried and I whined and there was no changing his mind.

 

Later on, I texted him saying I give up on us. I've tried everything in my power to get him back. I know I just needed to leave it in gods hands, but I've been so desperate that I just kept doing anything I could possibly think of.. He texted me back saying "I wish I could say that if you give me space and time for now idk what will happen but it will keep you wanting and that's not right. so right now for the both of us I think this is the best and I'm sorry."

 

So yeah.. I won't bother him anymore. I know if he wants me he'll come back.

 

In my head, this is literally freakin karma. Two years ago when we broke up, it was me fighting him off because I was occupied by another guy and thought something more would come of it. I was the one telling him to stop bothering me and give me my space. telling him I don't want him anymore and don't love him. This is exactly the same thing and it's in crazy how karma works I can't believe it.

 

When the six months were over and I wanted him back, he told me he was seeing somebody else. I kinda went bat crazy like I have been now, till he told me he wanted me to back off because he wanted to be with this girl and try. So, I took his words and walked away. I didn't bother him.. he came back to me saying no girl will ever be me. (Duh) lol.

 

idk. I still have some hope that him and I will work out. I know now I can't bother with him anymore at all. no texting no phone calls definitely nothing. I hope he does realize one day that he does love me and he's just distracted. I know I need to move on and make myself better so I can know how to be happy with or without him.. I'm just praying literally everyday that God gives him back. You know that saying you don't realize what you have till it's gone? Yeah.. that's pretty much what happened now and I'm terrified that I've

lost the man I wanted a future with to another girl..

[crowleysgirl]

I'm sorry you're hurting, but you do need to stop contacting him. Immediately and completely. This whole relationship was a big mess and you're holding onto it because you were in it for so long. But it wasn't good. You were with him since you were only 15. This is your chance to finally take some time to truly be single and then start completely over with someone new. Let this relationship, and all the baggage that it left you with, go.

[Movingforward3]

Okay. So, you pay for everything for him. And give him sex. And pay for his comic books. And you feel like you are the bad one?

 

Can I sign up for this deal? I will kiss you after and thank you! This sounds like a great deal, especially if you are cute

[Wiseman2]

Try your best to continue NC and move on. He was quite honest and gave you closure that it's over. In a way that's a gift because it frees you to move forward.

He texted me "I wish I could say that if you give me space and time for now idk what will happen but it will keep you wanting and that's not right. so right now for the both of us I think this is the best and I'm sorry."

[Smiliex0]

I feel like there's still SOME hope though. I know he's talking to another girl, and I know he's telling me to give him space, and he did say what he said yesterday about moving on, but then he went back and said right now we need time apart. I understand he's confused because I've been in this exact position two years ago, just opposite. I was the only doing it to him..

 

Idk. Maybe I'm just crazy. But two years ago when we weren't together for six months then I wanted to get back with him, he was with this other girl and told me to disappear. Literally go away because he wanted to be with her. I listened and I left him, I did not bother him at all. But, he came back to me saying that she's not me and nobody can replace me.. I feel his anger is taking over his actions right now and I hope he comes back. I know I may seem crazy but I can't just let go and move on just yet..

[Wiseman2]

"Confused" is just a way to keep you on a string while he tries out other girls. Again and again...if it gets stale he's jump back to you for a while, then do the same thing again.

he's confused. I wanted to get back with him, he was with this other girl and told me to disappear. Literally go away because he wanted to be with her.

[Smiliex0]

I know, a lot of people tell me that I think about it. But, I was confused to and did the same thing which is why I told him I wasn't mad at him cause I understand the situation.. idk.