Feeling helpless, can't laugh genuinely still?

[wowatrain]

I dated a girl for 6-7 months. It ended in December, if you would like to gain background please refer 508140&p=6465902#post6465902

 

Anyway, she is the funniest person, i am in this place for 2 years and have been crazy busy, so wasn't able to make friends in the process. My sister and her are the only two people i am able to share 'genuine' laughs with.

I meet her every now and then since we have a lot of exams. We are friends now, and she texts me about once/twice a week. Since December i have only started the chat once or twice, for something important. She still keeps texting me, and i'm okay with that, i think she is trying to retain the friendship. And i want to, as well.

Problem is, i really, really love her. A lot. I don't have any other person i actually find interesting and i dont know what is wrong with me. I am moving out of here to a place far away in 3 weeks, but im scared.

 

I have no one to go to, she has been living here forever so she has a lot of friends for support and 'faith in human interaction', whereas i feel completely abandoned and scared and alone. Which is why im also partly jealous.

 

Im scared about whether ill ever find anyone to laugh with again, the genuine kind. I used to love life and laugh with EVERYONE. But she happened, and suddenly i feel like nobody will be 'as much fun as her' ever again. And that scares the life out of me. Did you ever have this phase?

The major cause of this is that i don't have any fun people around me, all of us are massive nerds and i study like 13 hours a day. All of this will end in 2 weeks, and i'll be back in the world again.

Did you ever have a phase this long, where you had difficulty realizing other people can be just as interesting and fun? How did you get out of it? Can you teach me something i may already know, but need your story to realize?

Please help. I feel like im just hollow, dead inside

[Cope]

Hello wowatrain! I read the backstory. Honestly, and i don't like saying this, it seems as though she didn't really love you at least as much as you did. I mean, how can someone not listen to a song you wrote them? Twice? You didn't do anything wrong in the relationship, you were just asking for the basics and she nver gave them to you. I really suggest you go No Contact on her. If you like, you can inform her that you are doing so. She must respect it, if not, this will be another indicator that she has no feelings for you.

 

Go No contact, keep it going for at least 3 weeks and when you move you will find it a lot easier to maintain no contact till you get over her. I know how it is to lose a person you think is perfect, but if you think about it and stop romanticizing, you will see that she wasn't at all fun and your loss of life and laughter came way before the break up. You are still in love with what you think she was.

 

I am just out of a relationship with i guy i think is perfect and unfortunately we were long distance so i didn't know him for that long and well, so i don't have bad memories. So its hard. Yet, he lost interest for one reason or another, so i have to accept that and move on. Did i say how hard it is?

 

Yes, i find it hard to find other people interesting , but it's too early and mainly because i rarely get out. I too am moving in about 3 weeks or more so i am sure at that time i will be going out more and actually meeting new people i can find interesting.

There are a lot of people that we can have relationships with that, believe it or not, can be more interesting and fun to be with than these two. First off, they will actually be interested in us! Till then i have dedicated myself to self-growth and working/studying. Once i move, i will put my party hat back on.

[wowatrain]

Thanks a lot cope, i really appreciate your reply. A lot.

I just wish she knew how much i loved her, you know? I can't go no contact with her because she is very interested in being friends with me, and i can't bear the weight of making her feel bad. I will not implement no contact, because i dont think im strong enough to handle that. Our conversations are generally short now and i like it when she texts me because she probably misses me? Maybe. Its just mental peace.

 

I am just afraid of not finding people i enjoy with, i just want to laugh once again, to be honest.

 

Is 6 months too long to still be hung up on a girl? Or is it normal? What do you think?

 

Thank you for your time.

[Cope]

wowatrain, my ex asked to be friends with me too. I too think he means it, but it doesn't means he misses me. When i received the first and last text after the break up, a simple "how are you?", i was filled with joy and it hurt like hell all at the same time. I politely asked him that i need to go no contact so i can heal, i can't continue talking as if nothing has changed, it is not good for me. He respected it and it's been 12 days since we last texted. These 12 days are hell, but i don't have him reminding me of what we had daily. I don't have the anxiety of "will he text?" , "what does this mean?" ..."does he miss me?" . I need to get over him or at least get to a happier state of mind where i can judge if i would like to reconcile the relationship or not. I am far from it. I was doing great and last couple of days i am crying like it was the first day. Romanticizing just like you mentioned. I still want him back but i know it's not time.

 

Back to the subject, i can see you care about her, but you have to care about yourself too. Putting her above yourself does not mean you love her more. That's something we've been taught to believe from the movies and such. Being in love means first you love yourself then the other. Also, i don't think she will feel as bad as you think. You think she will feel bad because if you swapped places, you would be devastated, but she hasn't shown any true feelings, so i wouldn't worry about her feeling bad, even if she did, it's time to look after you and for once time for her to put you first.

 

You will find mental peace with no contact, trust me. Now you are only keeping false hopes. Go NC, grieve, work on yourself and when you move, the timing will be great to start over. You will have so many new things to do.

 

edit to add: I think it can be normal to still have feelings for someone especially if you still talk to them and think they miss you just by getting a funny text. See where i am getting at?

NC is hard, think about it first, then go for it! But trust me, it will feel much better in the end!

 

Also i want him to know just how much i miss him and how much i did love him, but he never will. He chose this.Well, kinda, i actually asked for his feelings, he just admitted that he can't do this (long distance)any longer.

[shessofly]

It will be very difficult for you to move forward while you're still maintaining a "friendship" with your ex. You are still in love with her so of course you will find it difficult to find someone else interesting. My opinion is that as long as you continue to communicate with her you will not be able to get over her and move on. Not what you want to hear but time to cut contact for awhile. It's really not helping you at all. She should understand that you need that space to heal and move on.

[wowatrain]

Thanks a lot.

Honestly, i can't do 'NC'. I see her every now and then and i cant afford to severe ties with her as she and her friends are my friend circle. Im like an outsider, and ill collapse if i see the only friends i have, leave.

I will maintain contact, but only when she initiates it. Honestly it feeds my ego when she texts me, i dont 'expect' or wait for it. We didnt talk for a month in january and almost all of december.

 

I just hope i find fun people where i am off to next. Thanks.

Hope you heal soon, and find the best for yourself!

[wowatrain]

I think our contact will fade when i move to the new place.

Quite honestly, i don't want it to. I like talking to her, even though i never start it. I cant do no contact, im sorry that im not strong enough. It is a very crucial phase for me, and i can't afford to test things i know i may not be able to handle.

 

I dont want her to let me 'go' just like that. But i guess ill have to find my own.

Thank you for your time. I appreciate it.

[Cope]

Don't apologise for your feelings. If you can't go NC, you can't , it's ok, its how you feel , its true. I understand that loosing the only friends you have for the 3 weeks you have left may be worth it. Always do what "clicks" for you. Other people can only suggest. I would still recommend NC once you leave, but i am sure that it will play into a NC by itself by then.

 

I know how you feel i want to keep contact too and i am planning on texting him at some point, i just have to be sure that i will be strong enough and this doesn't necessarily mean getting over him, but being emotionally strong enough to maintain contact. I am sure i will. My life is changing in a month and it will be getting way more exciting!I can't wait. Right now i am in almost a similar situation. In a place with few friends and i do not go out as much. Where i am headed i know tons of people already and i am an outgoing person so i know i will meet tons more!

 

Thank you for your wishes! I too hope everything goes well for you too!