Doing great? thought wrong!

[atigdng]

Well, where do I start? I have been in a very good relationship for about 1 year now that has been a very hard thing for me. It has been very bumpy, there were times where I wasn't aloud to talk to her or there were times that I said that we just wouldn't work out, etc. but somehow we never broke up, just over came the problems and worked things out.

 

Here is my situation. I live in China, and have lived there for quite a while, but this next june I will have to leave China for a year, because of my dads work and my visa/passport needing renewel and me and my gf have always before know that I would have to leave for a year or so. And she was always saying that she would wait for me and she trusted me to come back and that all she wanted was me. I always was saying the same thing too. Now we don't live near each other and I hardly ever get to see her physically, it is more of a long distance relationship. but she is a very stubborn girl and has been able to handle any stiuation and remained true. I just went and saw here for 3 days in middle feb. and we have never been happier to see each other, never been better, and she was very happy. And I had called her everyday since then.

 

Basically she doesn't want me to go back to america, but before, she knew that I had no choice and that if I stayed then my parents would be exxtremely displeased and she didn't want that. we didn't want any bad relations with family later on. And that I shouldn't go see her. That was what we had desided.

 

yesterday when I was talking to her, my dad walked in the room and was unhappy so I hanged up and talked to him etc. I guess she didn't like that.

 

But when I gave here a call just a couple of hours ago, she thinks that I don't really think she is the most important because I am not going to see her and am not staying in China. she started crying and saying that she doesn't believe that I will come back, etc. and just started breaking all the promises she has ever made, and this is after having what she and I thought were the best month we have had in our relationship. She says I don't really care for her, she says she doesn't want me, but then she said a second later that all she wants is me, and that she doesn't want me to go back to america. Now she doesn't seem to remember all of the logical reasons why I have to leave for 1 year. Now she says she doesn't trust anyone, and that her heart is dead etc.

 

Now the weird thing is, she says the reason for her new found thinking or crazyness is that last night she had a dream and some people who she doesn't even know or hasn't seen before told her not to believe me, and she says they were really serious and said that she shouldn't believe what I say. I have never cheated or said something I didnt mean or lied to her before and she had always trusted me. Now she desides to believe some stranger in a dream, so now she wants to die and wants me to forget her and she doesn't believe or trust anyone. I know for a fact that she still wants me, I can tell, and that she is just really emotional that I won't be able to see her for a year. And she kept on saying that she is affraid, very affraid of me leaving and that I just have to stay. Which she knows I can't.

 

So how and why all of the sudden is she like this? I know that females have hormones lots of them, and sometimes they really don't think straight, but this is a big blow to me and my life, I can hardly see the keys as I type, I told her that I everything I said before is still true and through our whole relationship I have been true to my word.

 

But why this right now? Right when were doing great? I We literally had no secrets. I am so very concerned and confused.

I am aware that allot of break ups quickly get back together after the other regains consciousness, I just don't know what to think.

 

Would appreciate really any comments advice sympothy and any help at all. Thanks

[Celadon]

I know that females have hormones lots of them, and sometimes they really don't think straight...

 

ROFL!!! Sorry, atigdng, but I couldn't help but tease you about this. The hormone thing definitely works both ways. Males also have lots of *hormones* and when they do, they don't think straight either ... ! (Or more accurately, they think of only one thing. )

 

Now, as to your concerns. June is coming up and your girlfriend is starting to worry about that reality -- especially because you just had a very nice visit and the thought of missing you for a WHOLE YEAR is overwhelming to her.

 

I do not think that she wants to break up with you. She is afraid you may forget her or she may lose you. It's up to you to assure her. You may want to think of ways to keep in touch, or plan those ways together. If you can both get a web cam, that may help you -- to see one another even though you're an ocean away.

 

Really, I don't know how old she is, but a year is not very much time at all. Best thing you can do to stay in touch is be faithful in contacting her. You can start that now, in China, so she knows what to expect later on.

 

Good luck to you both!

[justagirl20f]

She's only going back on her word because now the time is getting close that you're having to leave. If my BF told me he would have to go back home to Scotland for a year in a long time, it would be easy for me to say all the things she said to you. But then as the time drew near, I'd feel the same way she does.

 

I love my BF dearly. With everything I have. If he decided to go back to Scotland for a year for whatever reason he had to, I'd propose that we take a break. I'd want him to have fun and not hold back if he had the desire to develop something with someone else. At the same time, I'd not want to be a recluse and hide from social situations till he returned. I wouldnt want to "break up" but I'd not consider explorations of his feelings towards someone else, or vice versa, cheating.

 

I believe our love is strong enough that once the term was up we'd be together again and that year would be a momentary blip in our relationship. Of course there runs the risk he would fall for someone out there, or I'd fall for someone back here... But that would require someone to come into either's life that is as perfect for them as we are together. Unlikely, no matter which side of the world we're on. Possible, even if we live in the same house.

 

My advice is to try and understand her feelings and not hold it against her. When she promised you these things this move was in the distant future, and she didn't think of what would happen when the actual time drew near. What she is doing is perfectly understandable. I'd be a total mess. Do your best to keep contact through the year, with the understanding that you're not broken up but you're not technically together. Be her friend like you are now, and if it's meant to be it will be.

 

Good luck!

[atigdng]

As for the age question she is 18, so a little on the young side. I think you both are probably right, I have recently been working on the communication problem for when I am gone, and I am at the moment trying to get a web cam of sorts set up also, but so far not looking to good.

 

I know it may be funny about what I said about the hormones and all but I am just trying to tell myself that is all it is, or more like it isn't a permenent state of mind that she has. It is kind of funny that you mention being faithful in keeping contact, I have been and just the other day mentioned that maybe I would have to lessen the # of calls that I make.

 

Or more accurately, they think of only one thing. )

 

I beg to differ about that, but it may not help that much also having that "distraction" right now. But I am sure you are right about the hormones being on both sides of the fence.

 

Well I just talked to her, and you all seem to be more correct, she is just taking a breather right now, I am pretty hopeful that it will be okay, but I am not sure how to act if it is ok. Right now she is just not sure. ah well, I guess it is all part of having a "relationship" never seems like you go that long without someone wanting to test it.

 

Thanks for the comments I can't tell you how much I appreciate them.

She said I can call her tonight (china time) so I will be posting more than likely after that.

 

Oh one more thing, she mentioned that she is not the problem, but I am and I need to stop thinking like she is the problem.

 

atigndg