Ex says good things

[ch3]

Hey guys , so my ex broke up with exactly a month from today and I decided to go no contact and have been in no contact for a week even though he has been messaging me (not constantly just twice). I know his facebook password and I logged in a few times after we broke up to find out what he up to. Turns out he has this friends with benefits (girl from work). I was hurt so bad to the point that I was shaking and felt physically ill ( found out a week after he broke up with me). After that I made a conscious effort to move and have been doing very well. I've been happier more recently and Im talking to a few new guys that I really like. All my memories of him are there and I do think about him a lot but everything is "muted". When I say that I mean that there is no dull ache in my chest anymore, mental anguish or physical pain anymore. I just think "Yeah, that was nice but its over and I can move on to bigger and better things now." and then I start getting happy again knowing that that toxic relationship is over and that my ex did me a favor. So yesterday I was bored and thinking about him. I thought about looking at his Facebook to see what hes been up to... I know I shouldn't have done it because even though I am pretty far into the moving on process I feel like it would set me back in some way... but curiosity won and I found myself looking through his messages. He was just talking to his FWB about how much he wanted her and stuff. A few weeks ago I would have been so mentally out of it I would have probably passed out but I was fine I didn't feel hurt... Just indifference but then she started to ask him about me and he was saying that he missed me and that I was an amazing person in a lot of ways. When she ask how he said that it was a lot to type so he'll just call her.

 

This completely threw me for a loop. Never really expected him to talk to her about me much less tell her that he misses me. I don't know what to think about this. The thing is that Im very happy that we are not together but I miss him. I wouldn't go back if he asked me to because I just know it wouldn't work... I don't really have thoughts about this. I don't feel happy or sad about this fact but I always felt that sometime in the future he would reach out to me and try to make it work again.. I don't know if this means anything because we are broke up and I want us to stay that way...... What do you guys think about the situation?

Do you think my actions say that I haven't moved on?

 

 

Edit: Also we are a good match relationship wise. But the stress of a long distance relationship and money issues tore us apart. He also has commitment issues

[Billie28]

Long distance, money issues and commitment issues are all MAJOR issues.

You also mentioned that it was a toxic relationship.

Nothing positive.

 

So, he said he misses you and you are an amazing person in lots of ways. I'm sure you are.

He listed the positives in one line, the buts and negatives were too much to type he needed to call her.

 

Don't dwell on it. The negative aspect you didn't read. But it may have been simply him listing the incompatible not anything bad about you.

 

NC should include not snooping. As in NO contact or no knowing anything about him.

 

Type in the wrong password too many times in his fb which will lock his account prompting him to change his password. You don't need it and it is not helping.

 

NC starts now!?

[ch3]

hmm... we broke up mostly because of issues on his part. He couldn't handle having to drive to see when he wanted to (every day), he just moved out of his parents place and was struggling with money and he also had trust issues (way before we met). He said that he felt that he wasn't treating me right and that he didn't want to break up with me but felt that he should but I understand what you meant. I will not be snooping around his Facebook ever again. I feel like Im moving on.

[Tanzi]

Long distance wasn't working for him, that is why he quickly became FWB's with another girl. Maybe he does miss you but that isn't enough to sustain an LDR with you.

 

It sounds as though you are MOVING on but you are holding yourself back by checking his Facebook. You have to stop doing that. Aside from the fact that it isn't helping you, it is very, very wrong.

[Billie28]

His issues were not anything you could fix so it's a good thing he realised them.

The wanting to drive to see you everyday could possibly have been born out of mistrust rather than a longing to see you. And perhaps why the distance didn't work for him. That might be a blessing in disguise.

Regardless, you are making Syria to move on but unfortunately it's two steps forward one step back ( via snooping)

Allow yourself to move on from this at a faster pace.

[Wiseman2]

If you are going into his account reading his messages it's clear you haven't moved on. It's odd he didn't change his password after you broke up, can he see log ins in his account? Keeping tabs on him, particularly logging into his account, is holding you back from moving on.

[likeahawk]

Be aware he can check the login history for his Facebook account.

 

Facebook also sends me email notifications if a new device tries to login.

 

You should definitely stop checking it.