Rant

[allibaidoo4]

It has been four months since we have broken up and a month NC. I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved my ex and during this break up I have realized that I enabled him to do whatever he wanted. Everything was on his terms. I know he loves and wants me but doesn't want the relationship that I want. He likes things to be light and free and wants everything to go at his pace. I understand that he has been hurt in the past but what I know for sure is that I have never given him a reason to not trust me and I have never hurt him. Yet he turns around and walks away from me every time we get close. We are both 23 years old and his explanation has always been that I am pressuring him, for marriage but I'm not. He discusses marriage and how he always thinks about spending the rest of his life with me.Yet when I discuss it he feels pressured that is just another way on him trying to control things and have it on his terms because he doesnt like feeling vulnerable.The saddest part about this is he knows that he treats me bad sometimes(no cheating or abuse but hes is selfish and takes me for granted) and feels he doesn't deserve me and yet continues to act the way he does. All I do is reassure him that I would never leave him and continue to give him all the love in the world.

 

In March, we decided that we will date and live in the moment but I could not forget how he walked away from me repeatedly and I had to cut it off with him , I told him he needs to figure out what he wants and if does he know where I am or than that I am moving on. I cant say if he does come back that I won't take him back because right now I am confused. I have been praying that God can send me a signal. I'm tried of relying on other things other than God. Maybe God keeps separating us because I surround all my descisions and my life around my ex. I now truly realize that.

 

I have not talked to him in a month and it has been the hardest month of my life and I have thought about going back many times but what I learned is I have always went back and I never let him work for things I am always available and giving and sometimes passive aggressive.

I know now that this back and forth is going to continue if he doesn't change or if I don't cut it off for good. I am putting my foot down. I don't like the he has been treating me so I am going to give him what he wants a break up. I have always feared I will lose him and I already have so there's nothing to lose. I cant fear anymore that he wont come back or that I will never see him again. I want him I really do but I can't take the emotional roller coaster.So I will continue to stay away , and try to focus on me it sooo hard because my fear starts to creep in and then I panic and want to run to him but I cant keep doing that. He left so he has to work and get me. I have to live my life and try to move whether he comes back or not. FOR me its very hard to think he will never come back.

[Wiseman2]

Good idea to just pull the plug if he is too confused, on/off, hot/cold, in/out, etc. Such a roller coaster ride of his indifference and indecision is too wearing to the soul. If he wants to wallow in neither here nor there let him do this on his own and find a man who you can tell by his actions is consistently interested.

[allibaidoo4]

Good idea to just pull the plug if he is too confused, on/off, hot/cold, in/out, etc. Such a roller coaster ride of his indifference and indecision is too wearing to the soul. If he wants to wallow in neither here nor there let him do this on his own and find a man who you can tell by his actions is consistently interested.

 

Thank you so much for your encouragement. As, I write this I feel really emotional because its so hard when you love someone but they keep hurting you. Its really hard to walk and stay away.

[SooSad33]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. As, I write this I feel really emotional because its so hard when you love someone but they keep hurting you. Its really hard to walk and stay away.

 

Yes.. it is.

 

BUT, in the end, you have to take care of YOU.

If you sit back & think about it.. is this really starting to affect you in a negative? Is it dragging you down in so many ways?

 

IF he is really that serious and stable, he wouldn't be doing all of this to you. Instead, he'd realize you are worth it and keep working at this with you.. not keep walking away & acting out like this.

 

So... in the end, yes.. time for YOU to say Enough!

[allibaidoo4]

Yes.. it is.

 

BUT, in the end, you have to take care of YOU.

If you sit back & think about it.. is this really starting to affect you in a negative? Is it dragging you down in so many ways?

 

IF he is really that serious and stable, he wouldn't be doing all of this to you. Instead, he'd realize you are worth it and keep working at this with you.. not keep walking away & acting out like this.

 

So... in the end, yes.. time for YOU to say Enough!

 

 

 

I agree that he is not stable that has always been my problem with him he is sooooooo immature. This relationship has affected my self esteem. I do feel that I have never blessed him with absence.i have always chased him so he never had to realize anything.

But it is time for me and I had enough which is why this has been the first time that I have ever walked away from him . So he can either man or leave me the eff alone because I just had it with the up and down

[SooSad33]

That's right.. we can only let them take advantage of us to a certain extent.

 

if he hasn't learned to walk with you by now.. then sadly t wont work out.