How do I leave? Can this be fixed? I have nobody to talk to

[Ducki]

I've been with my partner for nearly two years now, since we finished highschool. Things were never drastically romantic or heartfelt in anyway, and that was okay. We've been addicted to cannabis our entire relationship, and it has established a subsequent co-dependency. He works full-time, I'm studying paramedics full-time and cleaning. We have been 'living' together for nearly a year now. I don't have any posessions here (his home), but I cook and clean for him and buy groceries etc. I study at my 'home' when he works during the day, and come over at night to cook and clean. Problems arise due to the time I spend here being only used for cooking and cleaning and sitting behind him while he games. He tells me he feels smothered, due to working all day and coming home to spend time with me. I feel neglected, due to the fact he doesn't speak to me when we are together, or speaks over me while he Skypes his friends every night. He ignores me physically, turned away from me for up to 6 hours +, not speaking to me, ignoring my messages during the day.. we don't converse and he deliberately refuses to respond when I try to talk about such issues... He has never shown an interest in my passions, problems, or life in general. I don't have a single friend.. I rarely see my family. My 'home' is unoccupied 90% of the time due to my mothers travel. My partner is the only person i've had regular contact with for over 8 months.. I would leave him alone, I really wish I had the willpower but if I don't speak to him, I go days without human contact, and that doesn't bother him at all. It kills me that he is so uninterested in helping me become what he wants, he only demands it. I self harmed for nearly a decade, and have survived suicide attempts and am now suffering with unemployment due to severe scarring and physical limitations from a spinal operation. He condescends my inability to get work, speaks down to me constantly, accuses me of things I would never do and assumes the worst... All i want is for him to be happy.. no matter how hard i try i can't do it.. I'm too poor to provide him anything or pay him proper rent and i feel absolutely awful, i try to do things for him like buy groceries and cook for him and clean but i only receive ignorance.. i don't know what to do.. i don't want to be alone or locked up again.. but i don't want to be a burden anymore

[j.man]

Not to excuse him, but you've got no place being 1,000 feet near a relationship. Addiction, codependency, unemployment, lack of a social life, you name it. I don't say it to be mean. You asked the question "Can this be fixed?" The answer is yes, you can be fixed. But step one is leaving this man and leaving his home. Step two is working on you. You're off to a great start with your studies. Have you been seeing a therapist?

[Capricorn3]

Move out of his place and go back to your own place (your mother's home).

 

I self harmed for nearly a decade, and have survived suicide attempts

 

Have you ever received counseling for this?

 

i don't want to be alone or locked up again..

 

Can you explain what "locked up" means, please?

[Ducki]

Hi, just some clarification, I have not moved in with him. When I am there I am there for cleaning and cooking. I should instate "virtually". I have been institutionalised twice as a teenager due to PTSD. I understand a potential solution is moving back into home completely but being literally alone for weeks on end is something I still struggle to come to terms with. I have been through around 9 different therapists to no avail. Medication unhelpful.

[Ducki]

j.man, not to be rude but my unemployment and smoking habit doesn't mean I should be undeserving of a relationship of any nature, particularly considering I genuinely believe I am lacking support

[Capricorn3]

I have been institutionalised twice as a teenager due to PTSD.

I have been through around 9 different therapists to no avail. Medication unhelpful.

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what to say. I would have suggested seeing a new therapist but after seeing 9 .....Try different medications? I don't understand why nothing is working. How long do you stay with each one? Do you go for a very short time and then not return? Give up? What do your parents say?

Sorry for all the questions - just trying to understand.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry but hanging around him while he is smoking pot, gaming ,ignoring you, shutting you out and telling you "you are smothering him" is not helping you at all. Stop being his housekeeper and focus on finding some nice friends and activities, trying to find work or go back to school or being around people who are caring and add value to your life.

[j.man]

j.man, not to be rude but my unemployment and smoking habit doesn't mean I should be undeserving of a relationship of any nature, particularly considering I genuinely believe I am lacking support

Nowhere did I say you're undeserving. On the contrary, it's because I believe that you are deserving that I strongly encourage you to stay away from relationships.

 

Nothing in this world is free and no man carries a woman's baggage for kicks, and the more baggage he has to carry, the more you're going to pay for it. I'm sorry, but this is exactly how women in your shoes end up in never-ending cycles of ****ty relationship after ****ty relationship.

 

To put it frankly, healthy and loving men don't look at someone who's unemployed, has no social circle, who's an addict, who self harms, and thinks, "she'll do." The people who will think that are men like your boyfriend. And even him... not that I'm in any way suggesting you should settle for him, but women in your position have done far, far, far, far worse in finding guys who will accept them.

 

You deserve a relationship. You deserve a good relationship. One that you're not going to get until you've made some serious progress.

 

You're still very young with all kinds of potential. But it's time to step back from this guy. The codependency would render even the best of therapies completely useless.