Still suffering

[CM27]

My X and I were together for 13 years and had know each other for 18 when we divorced 6 years ago. She met someone and started and affair with a man who was also married. I was devastated and blindsided at the time. Our marriage was not perfect, and in hindsight neither of us was happy, but I loved her and always thought we would work through our problems. She was my first love and I was deeply depressed for about the year as we went through the divorce processes. I got better went on a few dates here and there but always found something wrong with everyone I dated. I have not dated at all in the last 2 years or so but while I have struggled with the occasional bouts of loneliness, especially when I don't have my kids with me, I have been somewhat happy. I just bought a new house and I thought it was going to be a positive thing, but it has really triggered my loneliness, not having anyone to share it with and the feeling like I will never meet anyone. I don't really have any friends that I live near and being shy and introverted does not make for making new ones easily. X married her affair about a year and a half ago, that was hard to know that person was going to be involved in my kids lives but I've moved past it and moved past my anger for X. We get along and co-parent our kids, we do it so well, we are constantly getting comments how amazing it is we can do those things together. This past weekend there was a school trip to Disneyland, X chaperoned and I met her them there with our other daughter. I had a great weekend, but at the same time it was probably the hardest weekend I have ever had. I don't want X back, but I do miss having my family together if that makes any sense. This weekend the 4 of us were together pretty much all weekend while in the park, going around like we were a family. After my kids went off to school on Monday I had a huge panic attack and this feeling that I will always be alone washed over me. I currently feel like I felt when I went through my divorce, broken and not fixable.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. It doesn't sound like you want the ex back but that you miss being married/ in a relationship and everything that goes with it. Even though you tried dating before, I would try again on some newer apps maybe...even if there are some duds and whatnot...just keep trying. Because in order to get to the point of married/in a relationship you have to date/meet women. Women will like that you're a good dad, new house, etc.

My X and I were together for 13 years and divorced 6 years ago. She met someone and started and affair with a man who was also married. X married her affair about a year and a half ago. We get along and co-parent our kids, This past weekend there was a school trip to Disneyland, X chaperoned and I met her them there with our other daughter.

[bulletproof]

I don't really have any friends that I live near and being shy and introverted does not make for making new ones easily.

 

Maybe this is what you need to work on then. I don't think you're necessarily suffering from the divorce or the loss of ex/family, but of being disconnected from people in general.

 

Have you ever addressed your shyness?

[Realitynut]

Women are always looking for a man that isn't afraid of commitment and wanting a 'marriage' possibility. There are far too few of them out there. You will be a hot commodity! BUT...and this is a big but...they want someone who is self-confident, has friends, goals, and things in life they like to do! It's called...having FUN!

 

Like Bullet says, you need to get connected with people. I joined 'meetup'. Have you ever heard of it? It was the best thing I ever did. I acquired friends that liked doing the same things I did. I met the now ex. After being single and looking for 2 years. It was a hiking/social group. NOT A DATING SITE.

 

The now ex...was on dating sites. Nothing. He met his now gf at a backpacking meetup. (out of town...cuz he muddied our group...lol)

 

I felt your pain. Going to Disney as a family. (I hated my ex husband. After 9 years, I can just now talk to him. But there was never love involved.)

 

Until you find another relationship that fills the companionship that you so desire, you will always miss your ex. I remember when I met my last ex...and was hanging with him (as a great friend) for over 4 months, I called my mom and said "i am finally happy again". He brought laughter into my life.

 

I know people say you should be happy on your own. But being alone sucks.

[SooSad33]

I understand your feelings of loneliness. But, I have come to realize a lot.. on my own.

 

I know I cannot just snap my fingers and have another 'decent' man in my Life again. doesn't happen that way.

 

I feel you need to work on 'accepting' these changes that have happened. Embrace them and work with it. I have 2 X's.. with whom we had 2kids each.

My youngest 2 goto their dads on the weekends, as I have them all week.

I am NOT involved and I am accepting this fact. Because I agree that we do need to learn how to live on our own again. We need to work on accepting the fact that we're Single. Not involved and we will be okay.

 

it's a change in life. Takes time.. but can be worked out.

 

In time.. you may meet up with someone special again.. down the road.. or not.

 

I have accepted the fact that I might just be on my own forever.... and I have to live with that. As I am NOT going to give in to some oddball who just wants a Fwb.. and end up getting my heart involved yet again. I rather be single!

 

How about a pet? A cat or dog?

How about a sport? I play volleyball once a week sept-May.

 

How about getting out there.. exercise.. walk, bike..etc.

 

You just need to learn HOW to do things for yourself again and NOT feel like you'll forever be alone. Because we really don't know that.

 

But, for now, you have to learn how to live with what you've got.

[CM27]

I appreciate the responses. I actually do have 2 dogs, and honestly they are my security. I couldn't be in this house when my kids are not here if I didn't have them. It would be too empty.

 

I was doing ok for such a long period of time. I had some stuff happen recently that just highlighted that I am alone and this past weekend just broke me.