Need help with insecurities

[Sr058632]

Hi! I am new to the forum. I am having problems with any relationships I am in. I have now been with my current boyfriend for almost a year. One of our biggest issues is that I get very possessive and moody and don't want him to hang out with his friends. I get overly jealous and don't feel important if he wants to go out with them alone or even if we all go hang out as a group. I can't stop getting upset and it is ruining or relationship. He is so good to me and in no way neglects me. But I don't know how to shake this feeling. I know my dad was the same way so I feel like I carry this possessive trait and I know it's not healthy. Why can't I just be okay with it and do my own thing? I guess I put friends to the side for my boyfriend and I expect him to do the same. I know in the long run this will be bad. I also am very moody with him and hate not getting my way. In my last relationship, I was used to being spoiled so I don't know how to overcome all of this. Any advice is greatly appreciated thanks!

[Wiseman2]

You both posed and answered your own question. However, it also sounds like you miss your former relationship...and that may be a factor in this.

Why can't I just be okay with it and do my own thing? I guess I put friends to the side for my boyfriend and I expect him to do the same.

[greta96]

There is no magic cure for this kind of possessiveness and unfounded jealousy, the only way to get over it is by realizing that what you are doing and the way you are acting will eventually be the reason for the demise of your relationship. So if you want the relationship to end, then keep being the way you're being. If you want it to last, then act accordingly. Meaning, give your boyfriend space, let him (I hate even saying this word, you're all grown ups and it shouldn't be a matter of *letting*!) spend time with his friends, and get a life of your own, try getting your friends back if possible, or make new ones if they won't have you back.

This is the healthy way to live life. Anything less is just not sustainable, at least not in the long run.

Every time you're feeling insecure and moody, stop for a second and remember that it's all in your hands - do you want to end this relationship by being that way, or would you rather do the healthy thing and give yourself a chance to a successful relationship with this guy? Up to you.

[catfeeder]

Consider counselling.