Not sure if I should tell someone I have feelings for them.

[Cordath]

Alright, here's the deal. I live in Canada, and there's this girl I met through deviantART who lives in Wales. Now, I've known her for a couple of years, but we've only talked on and off due to the time zones and whatnot. (Shes around 7 hours ahead of me.) Over that period, I'd be lying if I said I haven't developed feelings for her. We have an insane amount of things in common, and she is one of the only people I feel I can actually relate to and speak too openly without hiding anything, besides my parent's of course, and shes said the same of me, saying that she really appreciates my company and is grateful for having me around. Now, a while ago, she sent me this message:

 

"Ok, it's fine if you hate me after telling you this, or find me awkward, but I shouldn't not tell you about this, even if it was a while ago.

 

I kinda used to have a crush on you... >///>

I'm sorry.

B-but I pulled myself together!

It's a habit I understand if you hate me for this, it's just, bleh."

 

I responded, saying that I had a crush on her as well, but that I too had gotten over it, which of course was a complete lie. So now, about half a year later, we've begun talking on a semi-daily basis. Generally every second day, again, because time-zones. I've shot some compliments her way, and shes given me some as well, saying she admires the fact of how I empathize so strongly with others, or saying that she likes how confident I am in myself. (I should point out that I am indeed confident in myself and my abilities, just not when it comes to people.) But me being the total anti socialite I am, I have no idea if they mean anything. I just can't get the thought out of my head that if I still have feelings for her, there could be a chance she still has feelings for me as well. In a few months, I've decided to take a trip to the Uk, and spend around two months there, traveling across the country. And if I like it, I'm intending to get a visa, and head over there, get a job, and live there for a year or two. Perhaps longer. Her and I are planning to get together to hang out, and I don't really know if I should say anything about liking her before then, or while I am there. She is honestly one of the most relatable and awesome people that I have ever met, and I seriously don't want to have the friendship ruined by me making some social blunder as I tend to do. Any attempt I've made at getting into a relationship with someone in the past has crashed and burned for one of two reasons. 1. The person doesn't know me well enough. 2. The person knows me too well. I don't know if the ship has sailed on us having a chance, or if the opportunity has yet to present itself. Or hell! If its right there in front of me and I'm not seeing it! What in the hell do I do??? Am I overthinking this? Help please. (Also, her internet is absolute dog crap so video calls are generally kept to a minimum so her computer doesn't explode."

 

~Cordath

[chitown9]

Just for clarification, have the two of you ever actually meet in person? chi

[Cordath]

No, we haven't. Me heading there in September will be the first time.

[chitown9]

The two of you have not met yet, so it would seem that you are reading way too much into this. How old are you and how old is she? chi

[Cordath]

I do tend to over analyze things with ought realizing it, so you're probably right. I'm 18, and she's half a year younger. (By the way, please no comments about the whole "Your only 'blank' age and you may as well not bother yet." I get that way too often (: )

[saluk]

The first thing that jumps out at me is that you both liked each other before, I really wouldn't be surprised if that same scenario could happen again. It's much more likely than if it had never happened before. For her to say what she did, she may have been seeing how you would react.

 

But, as you have never met, you really don't know what things would be like. You can connect with someone over text very easily, and then find out you don't get along well in person - and the reverse is also true, that over text you don't really click, but sparks fly when you meet in person. You mention not being very social, I think it is likely that you have obsessed over this person who is just out of reach, so that you don't feel as bad about not being able to connect with those who are around you.

 

But I'm not a psychologist, that's just my take on things. I think you have a journey ahead of you that will be quite interesting. This girl may be a part of that, but probably not in the way you hope or expect. I think you should stay friends but not push for anything more, and maybe even dial down how often you chat. And, if you happen to meet each other while you are doing other things (not making the trip ABOUT meeting her) then you can see what kind of friends you make in real life.

[Billie28]

Have you even skyped at least?

 

I met a guy online once who only lived about 30 min drive away. We had great online banter and still do about 7 years later. However we only physically met once. And that was about 2 months into chatting.

In person, we don't relate that well and we never met again. But we still chat online all those years later. Even discuss dating prospects etc.

We still only live 30 mins drive away but have kept our friendship online only.

 

Enjoy your trip, meet her if you want, why not? But do not hold any expectations.

[Cordath]

Indeed, we have skyped multiple times, and we get along well. (Thought I had mentioned that. Sorry for not being more clear). Good advice though. Thanks for that ^-^

[Cordath]

We have skyped before, so we have talked "In person" just not physically so. But you made some really good points that I haven't thought of. The whole me being anti-social resulting in me looking for something to fill the void isn't something I've thought about before. I'll take your advice. Thank you!

[Wiseman2]

You'll find out a lot more about what's really going on when you visit.

Me heading there in September will be the first time.

[Cordath]

Makes sense. I'll give things some time. Thank you