Am I reading too much into this?

[lunalg]

I'm going to try to make this as short as possible, but there's a lot of info here, so I apologize for that in advance.

 

I am a late 20-something female, and supervised a late 20-something male at work for a number of months. We worked very closely together, out of the same office, and over the course of months, we became pretty good friends. I try to keep work and my social life completely separate, so this was really unusual for me. I typically try not to become overly friendly with my other employees, and absolutely under no circumstances do I ever hang out with them outside of work (unless its for something work-related), but I broke my own rules with this guy. We have so much in common, including our senses of humor and interests, that we hit it off really well. While he was working for me, I found it hard to get work done. We could literally talk for 40 hours per week, and still have a million things to say to one another. About three months ago, he started texting me and snap chatting me after work hours about random things, such as inside jokes, or things we had talked about during the day. The texting and snapping was never of inappropriate things, but sometimes, I will get as many as 25 or more texts & snaps in one night. I barely have any snapchat friends, but he has a lot, and over the past two weeks we've become snap chat "besties" meaning that I send him the most snaps (again, I have no other snap friends really, so 1 per day is a lot for me), and he sends me the most snaps. Over the course of the past three months, he also asked me out for drinks twice, and to hang out with him during the day on a Saturday once. Most people would take this as a clear sign that there are feelings there, but he has a good number of girl friends (he works in a field that is female-dominated, and therefore many of his friends from the years are female), so I wasn't quite sure what his intentions were there.

 

Over the course of his time at my workplace almost everyone who interacted with us, or even saw us, would comment on his behavior toward me, stating that it's really obvious to them that he really liked me, as more than just friends. The HR rep even pulled me in to suggest that I start dating him once he doesn't report to me anymore (which was mortifying and totally inappropriate of her in my opinion). They said that the fact that he always sat next to me at lunch, always stood closely to me when we were in groups, the way he looked at me, and the fact that he was completely interested in anything and everything I had to say was a clear sign, but he is very outgoing, so I think it has more to do with that. Although I do think that we have a great chemistry, I don't know if that's what his intentions are.

 

His last day working for me was this past Friday. He asked about a month ago, when he knew he would be leaving, if we could stay in touch and remain friends after he finished working there. I said yes. Since then, he has made comments about things we should do together after he left, usually based on mutual interests, like going camping, hiking in the woods, going to the winery, going to a baseball game, and he even suggested going on a weekend winery-tour getaway.

 

For his last day, we decided to go out after work and grab drinks near where he lives. We ended up staying out for hours, then went back to his place. I drank too much to drive home immediately, and it was super late, so we ended up chilling for a while on his couch, then I fell asleep there. The next morning, he asked if I wanted to go grab coffee and breakfast with him, so I did. While we were out, he was frustrated that one of his friends kept texting him asking him out, and he wasn't interested in her (he previously told me that he wasn't interested in this friend in a romantic way when we were talking about her another time - because I asked). But other than that, breakfast was really really nice. The whole thing ended with a huge hug and plans to hang out later in the week.

 

If this was literally anyone else, I wouldn't doubt that there's feelings there, but with this guy, I have no idea. He has a bunch of girl friends, and he's very good looking, so he has a bunch of admirers as well. He's super outgoing, but doesn't really act the way he acted towards me with other people at work. I know it's impossible to tell for sure without directly observing us in action, but what are your thoughts? I would especially like to hear from men. Am I reading too much into his actions and behaviors? It would make me happy to date him, but don't want to mess up a really good friendship making a move on that if he's not interested.

[Wiseman2]

You already had an extended sleep-over date. Does he know you are interested in more than being friends? Does he want a gf?

I broke my own rules with this guy. For his last day, we decided to go out after work and grab drinks near where he lives. We ended up staying out for hours, then went back to his place. I drank too much to drive home immediately, and it was super late, so we ended up chilling for a while on his couch, then I fell asleep there. The next morning, he asked if I wanted to go grab coffee and breakfast with him, so I did. It would make me happy to date him, but don't want to mess up a really good friendship making a move on that if he's not interested.

[lunalg]

I know he does want a gf. He has said multiple times in our many discussions that he's ready to settle down, get married, etc.

 

I'm scared to express to him that I want to be more than friends. I'm hesitant, as I don't know if he considered Friday to be a date or not. It seemed like it could have been a date, or it could have just been celebrating his last day. He was a little flirty, and I flirted back, but that's kind of the norm for us when it's just to two of us together.

[Wiseman2]

You need to express what you feel or he'll think you are friend-zoning him.

He has said multiple times in our many discussions that he's ready to settle down, get married, etc.I don't know if he considered Friday to be a date or not. He was a little flirty, and I flirted back, but that's kind of the norm for us when it's just to two of us together.

[rosephase]

Look, real people in your life have told you he's into you. You know he's into you. You aren't stupid. His actions are clear. He doesn't work for you any more, you really like him. Tell him.

[lunalg]

So to follow up on this a few days later...

 

This guy snapped and texted me all week, then invited me over for drinks and to play games at his apartment last night. We were having a really great time, and then suddenly, we were just talking about some random things in our lives and he was like, "I think I'm going to go off the grid for the summer while I'm figuring out my new job, and moving (still in the area but closer to his job). I'm not even interested in dating or anything until I have myself in order."

 

So I guess that ended that. I feel super confused and crushed over it. I had legitimately started to feel like he actually really did like me, and then this. I mean, I don't blame him for wanting to get himself in order first before being in a relationship, but at the same time, I really feel like he's been stringing me along.

[Wiseman2]

At least he was clear and honest about needing to find himself before things went anywhere. : "I think I'm going to go off the grid for the summer while I'm figuring out my new job, and moving I'm not even interested in dating or anything until I have myself in order."