Still confused.

[jonjon11]

My ex and I broke up earlier this February and soon after , she got a new boyfriend . Things were going well at first , but slowly he started treating her like and she began to regret breaking up with me . So we patched back secretly behind his back and she couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him . Now , we've officially patched back just that it's only known to the both of us . To others we're just best friends . She still gets insecure when I'm around other girls and does not allow me to meet girls or even be around girls . But she just went on a staycation recently with many other boys and during her stay , she rarely texted me and said she was busy but she could Snapchat what was happening there . She gave late replies but it was because there were people who were next to her that she didn't want them to find out about us . So when she came back , everything was fine , up till the point where she said she felt different about herself after 2 breakups (which was me and her recent ex) . So I kinda started overthinking because she said she didn't know the reason why . Then she asked me why was I overthinking . In my mind I was thinking that she wanted to stay single and not get back together with me publicly . I was still quiet though , didn't mutter a word . She then asked if the reason was whether I was overthinking that "we won't be what you want in the next few months" . Because after her breakup she said to me to wait a few months before we officially patched back publicly . So I said yes , that's it . She kept quiet , which made me overthink more . I really want to know what's going on in her mind and I hope you guys help me out here . Thank You .

[Billie28]

It depends on why you broke up in the first place.

When you broke up its likely her friends voiced their true opinion if you and probably not in a good light.

She might be embarrassed after lengthy discussions and talking negatively about you to then say she got back with you.

She is unsure about her decision to see you again and you will be kept secret until she is sure or leaves you.

[True Story]

It sounds to me like she doesn't know what she wants. Correct me if I'm wrong but while you two were getting back together,she was still with her boyfriend that she dumped you for? Then eventually ended it with him and she is now just with you?

Does this sound lie a woman you can trust, because I can see her doing the same thing. It seems like she can walk all over you.

 

Also, did you ever have a discussion about why you broke up? I do think people can get back together and last, but I think it is more likely that they will break up again, especially if they haven't sorted the issues that caused them to break up in the first place.

[jonjon11]

@Billie28 - Her friends supported her breakup with him . They asked her not to talk to him anymore because he has treated his previous ex's like that too .

[jonjon11]

Yes what you said is true . Well I don't seem to have much trust in her . I've decided to give us a second chance but there will never be a third . We did have a discussion . The reason why we broke up was because I didn't give her enough time with her friends and kept on rushing her and she felt a bit trapped . That's why . Now the real issue is , she said if I ever made another mistake again , she would end it with me . I feel so scared now . I really don't know what to do .

[True Story]

Now the real issue is , she said if I ever made another mistake again , she would end it with me

 

That phrase really annoyed me. I assume that now you don't even feel at ease in your relationship, constantly worrying that you'll make a mistake and she'll leave. No relationship should be like that. You may love her, but ask yourself, are you happy?

 

How much time were you spending with her? Did you spend time with your own friends?

[jonjon11]

I love her . I am happy . But some part of me just feels unhappy . I meet her almost every single day but as for my friends , maybe once in awhile ?

[True Story]

Then I say you both need to talk more about the things that are bothering the both of you. For example, you found out that she felt suffocated only after she dumped you. Encourage her to talk to you more about whenever something is bothering her, listen, and try to come up with a compromise. and visa-versa. This won't only help solve your issues, but understand each-other better.

 

Start with how much time you spend with each-other.

The best insight you can get into her mindset is by communicating.

Good luck in your relationship!

[jonjon11]

Thank you so much for your advice . However , I would like a little more , please ? I may just be overthinking too much , I mean it's just a possibility . But what I would really like to know is how to keep her . After all , she's my ex girlfriend . Obviously I should know how , but are there any general tips to keep the fire going ? We have most likely a few months left before we get back - if we ever do . So I would definitely do my best . And I would like some help . Thank you !

[True Story]

Well to be honest it seems like all the blame is going on you and that is not fair. You did not know there was an issue, she didn't tell you. So in my opinion, it shouldn't be what can you do to make things right, but what you BOTH can do. Otherwise it will end up you doing everything to please her and she doing nothing to help maintain the relationship.

 

We have most likely a few months left before we get back - if we ever do

So what are you doing right now? Just spending some time together? Talking things out? Taking it slowly?

 

But to answer your question, I say first and foremost listen to what she's saying about wanting to spend time with her friends. Let her have that balance, it will allow her to miss you, and then look forward to when she will next see you. I would take from seeing her almost everyday to about 3 times a week. If she chooses once in a while to spend time with her friends over you, don't get up or clingy accept it and hope she has a good time.

You don't have to hang out with friends but you can some things that interest you to do, so your social life doesn't revolve around her.

 

I don't really have more on keeping the fire alive, hopefully someone else can help you on that, but I hope I've helped

[Wiseman2]

Why does she want to be secretive about getting back together? Who is it that she doesn't want knowing? What does she mean by "making it public"?

what I would really like to know is how to keep her.she's my ex girlfriend . My ex and I broke up earlier this February and soon after, she got a new boyfriend . In my mind I was thinking that she wanted to stay single and not get back together with me publicly. I really want to know what's going on in her mind and I hope you guys help me out here.

[jonjon11]

Everyone . And that's because she doesn't want anyone to get that bad impression of her , jumping from boy to boy . Right now I can go out with her just that we don't hug or kiss .

[Ms Darcy]

Nothing good comes from cheating, being a secret, or being a secret while cheating.

 

You "love her" so there is not much to say other than you are in for a world of hurt son.

[Wiseman2]

Does she have reasons to worry about her reputation or who sees her with you?

that's because she doesn't want anyone to get that bad impression of her, jumping from boy to boy . Right now I can go out with her just that we don't hug or kiss .